Are you waiting tables somewhere, getting by on tips bolstered by your photogenic smile and giving off oodles of plucky charm, while dodging harsh looks from your manager as you sneak off in hopes of landing that breakthrough role as an insurance pitch-person or partially dismembered victim on CSI: Sheboygan? Well, friend, there is a new opportunity for you.
Donald Trump denies he is interested in launching a new conservative news venture, but somebody sure is.
What's being billed as an "up-and-coming conservative media network currently in development" is now scouring for hosts, reporters and right-leaning, well-spoken panelists, according to a brand new casting notice obtained Wednesday evening by Fox News.
Can you dismiss climate change without being strangled by your own moral center? Better yet, can you completely cut out and discard your moral center?
… applicants must also "look upscale and intelligent," and should be "outspoken and energetic."
Blonde. That means they should be blonde.
The idea that Trump’s campaign was really designed to launch a new media outlet has been around for months. When he first down-escalatored into the election, many thought it was just publicity for The Apprentice, and when he began to make headway in the primaries, others expected Trump to follow the well-trod path from Republican politician to Fox News host. But it’s been evident for some time that Trump’s ambitions were bigger.
It’s likely that even a media network is only a piece of the grand rolling hullabaloo, snake-oil and sedition show to come. But it’s certainly going to be a piece.
Trump’s not even waiting for the results.
Auditions are being held at an undisclosed New York City studio on Nov. 7, the eve of Election Day.
Audition tips:
- Smile.
- Practice saying the word “China” as if you want to grab it in the wherever.
- And hair dye. There’s always hair dye.