How hard would it be to convince Sean Spicer that the White House press secretary is required to obey the rules of Talk Like a Pirate Day? How hard would it be to convince Spicer that it’s today? Because seriously, a few “arrrrs” and “avast theres” could only make Spicer’s responses more intelligible.
White House press secretary Sean Spicer said Monday that neither the White House nor the military had put out any misleading information last week on the whereabouts of the Carl Vinson Strike Group.
That observation may not seem to agree with this set of statements.
Defense Secretary Jim Mattis having said April 10 that the Carl Vinson was “on her way up there” and White House press secretary Sean Spicer and a senior administration official being asked about it three times on April 11 and 12. President Trump said April 11, “We are sending an armada.”
All the while the Vinson was headed south for some long-arranged maneuvers off Australia. A week after Mattis first made the annoucement, and six days after both Spicer and Trump said the “powerful armada” was steaming toward Korea, it turned out that the Carl Vinson wasn’t off Korea. Or anywhere near it. And then today …
"The president said we have an armada going toward the peninsula. That’s a fact. It happened. It is happening, rather. … “That’s not what we ever said. We said it was heading there. It is heading there.”
But all of this can be explained by one forgotten factor … The Final Countdown factor.
The Final Countdown is a 1980 alternate history science fiction film about a modern aircraft carrier that travels through time to the day before the 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor. … Produced with the full cooperation of the United States Navy, set and filmed on board the real-life USS Nimitz supercarrier
And the USS Carl Vinson?
USS Carl Vinson (CVN-70) is the third United States Navy Nimitz-class supercarrier.
Vital explanatory emphasis added.
So there you go. What Spicer clearly means is that the USS Carl Vinson will use its time traveling ability to retroactively make Donald Trump’s statements true—and fix all those nasty verb tense statements from Spicer’s press conference.
“PACOM put out a release talking about the group ultimately ending up in the Korean Peninsula,” Spicer said during his daily press briefing Wednesday, emphasizing that no specific schedule for the group had been announced. “That’s what it will do. I think we were asked very clearly about the use of a carrier group in terms of deterrence and foreign presence and what that meant. That’s what we discussed. I would refer you back to any other issues with that to the Department of Defense.”
Actually, unraveling that statement may require a TARDIS, because it doesn’t just go back and forth. It’s all over the place.