Who is Spartacus? Cory Booker is Spartacus for standing up to the misuse of “national security” and putting himself on the line to get the truth out about Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.
Who is not Spartacus? Everyone at the Trump White House. Throughout the day, Trump has been drumming his fingers on the Resolute Desk as he’s forced a line of staffers and cabinet officials to appear before him with a written note saying that they were not the author of the anonymous op-ed that appeared in the New York Times on Wednesday.
Anonymous, who likes his/her fascism without a side of obviously crazy, has yet to step forward. Which is to be expected, since admitting to being the author of the piece would result in being not just sent packing from the White House, but being blacklisted from the Fox News/conservative think tank circuit that provides a six-figure plus retirement to those who find ways to apologize for the madness of King Donald. So it’s very likely that the op-ed writer will duly appear to bow and/or curtsy, take three steps forward, drop a note on Trump’s desk, and back away without turning. Not because it’s rude to turn away from Trump; it’s just the only way to be sure of getting out of the office without being knifed in the back.
In any case, here is the list of those who’ve brought their notes for the world’s least fun field trip:
- Mike Pence says he is not Spartacus. But he still looks Spartacusy around the lodestar.
- Secretary of State Mike Pompeo says he is not Spartacus.
- Secretary of Defense James Mattis says he is not Spartacus. He’s pro-Romans all the way.
- Secretary of Energy Rick Perry says “Who is Spartacus?” He’s excused because … writing.
- Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen is not Spartacus. No one thought she was.
- Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats is not Spartacus. What does he do again?
- Coats also says his principal deputy is also Spartacus-free. Whoever that is.
- CIA director Gina Haspel says she is no Spartacus. But says she can find out who is.
- Budget director Mick Mulvaney can find no profit in being Spartacus.
- Attorney General Jefferson Sessions always found the idea of a slave revolt distasteful.
But the op-ed writer does seem to be someone who was with Trump from the beginning, and someone close enough to be involved in 25th Amendment discussions … so, who?
Steve Mnuchin. That’s who. Sure, Mnuchin may seem the least Spartacan in a crew that’s not exactly putting off a lot of ex-gladiator vibe. But he punches all the buttons.
He’s been with Trump from the beginning. The op-ed author expresses his love for “free markets.” And Mnuchin helped finance Mad Max: Fury Road so he clearly likes tales of betrayal, chaos, and post-apocalyptic finance.
Besides, who would be a better secret bad guy than this guy?
Definitely Mnuchin.
Or … Zinke? Let me check … Nope. I don’t see Zinke’s paperwork turned in. You better look at that Zinke guy, Donald. He’s very shady—and that’s the truth.