From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
They said what?
I love the end of the year. It's a time when we can't help but collectively start wrapping up the events of the previous twelve months in neat little boxes: Best, Worst, Top, Bottom, The Meaning of it All, and yadda yadda. Personally, I'm a fan of quotes, and Yale associate librarian Fred Shapiro has released his 13th annual Top 10 list. Here are some of his picks, which “are famous or revealing of the spirit of the times---not necessarily eloquent or admirable.” Starting with his #1 quote of 2018…
“Truth isn’t truth.”
—Trump crime family lawyer Rudy Giuliani, on Meet the Press
“While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.”
—Drug company Sanofi, in a tweet to Roseanne Barr, who blamed their drug Ambien for making her send out the racist tweets that led ABC to boot her off the reboot of Roseanne
“We’re children. You guys, like, are the adults. You need to take some action and play a role. Work together, come over your politics and get something done."
—Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School senior David Hogg, to CNN a day after the gun massacre there
“Our country is led by those who will lie about anything, backed by those who will believe anything, based on information from media sources that will say anything.”
—James Comey
As a bonus, here are a handful of quotes I found from a tiny fraction of the awesome women who made headlines this year:
"Some of the most important people in movements are the early adopters. They are the risk-takers, the ones who stand with the courage of their conviction before the odds of success are known."
—Rep.-elect Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY)
"Indelible in the hippocampus is the laughter. The uproarious laughter between the two, and they're having fun at my expense. I was underneath one of them, while the two laughed. Two friends having a really good time with one another."
—Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, asked by Sen. Patrick Leahy to cite a detail of the attempted assault on her by Brett Kavanaugh that she "cannot forget"
"I put on a suit of armor, eat nails for breakfast. I know how to take a punch."
—52nd and 55th Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, on CNN
“I acknowledge that former Secretary of State Brian Kemp will be certified as the victor in the 2018 gubernatorial election. But to watch an elected official baldly pin his hopes for election on the suppression of the people’s democratic right to vote has been truly appalling. So let’s be clear—this is not a speech of concession.”
—Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams, who says she will run for office again
"General Kelly needs counseling from a pastor or someone who can help him ask for forgiveness from the nation for all of his insults.”
—Rep. Frederica Wilson (D-FL), who was targeted via a fact-free rant as an "empty barrel" by Trump crime family chief of staff John Kelly
"[6 minutes, 20 seconds of silence]"
—Emma Gonzales at the March for Our Lives event in D.C., after which she said, “Six minutes and about 20 seconds. In a little over six minutes, 17 of our friends were taken from us, 15 were injured and everyone—absolutely everyone in the Douglas community was forever altered."
Personally, my favorite 2018 quote is by anyone who says out loud: “Thank god this f*cking year is almost over.”
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, December 17, 2018
Note: Yes, we posted a bit early this morning. I only have a moment or two to say "Good morning!" and update you on the posting schedule for the week before heading off to Mercy Hospital for another exciting 48-hour (four hours in the chair, 44 hours hauling around a portable dispenser) round of chemo. No C&J tomorrow, since I figure you won’t find much interesting about seeing the word "groan" copied and pasted a thousand times without a single paragraph break. We will probably be back Wednesday morning, and definitely Thursday and Friday. Thanks for your patience as we Make Billy Great Again. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Baby Jesus inadvertently turns Bethlehem into a tourist trap: 8
Days 'til the Sandstone Ice Festival in Minnesota: 18
Percent of the U.S. land area managed by the Dept. of the Interior: 20%
Time of peak nuclear/natural gas electricity demand on Thanksgiving in New England, a shift from the usual 11:30am peak thanks to a major assist from solar energy: 5:30pm
Estimated amount Americans will spend on holiday gift cards---averaging $49 each---this year, according to the National Retail Federation: $30 billion
Rank of "password" and "123456" on the annual SplashData list of most commonly used computer passwords: #1, #2
Percent chance that if you haven't got a penny a hay penny will do, down from 89% in 2017: 86%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Death knell for shitty dog food?
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JEERS to sticking out your tongue and saying "Ahhhh" "F*ck you." No way to sugar-coat it---the 19 sicko Republican governors (including Maine's Paul LePage) who judge-shopped their way to a total repeal of the Affordable Care Act, and the White House that supported them, just set in slow motion the potential premature deaths of countless Americans. Men, women, children, from every town in every state, even the red ones. What a bunch of sickos---not only do they not have a replacement plan, they have no intention of coming up with one. So here we are. As Americas best legal minds work on an appeal that will un-pull the plug, the gang over at Indivisible offers three action steps for the forces of good:
Short term: make sure House Democrats are using their control of the chamber—and the oversight and investigatory power that comes along with it—to hold the Trump administration accountable for their sabotage of our health care system. (You can read more about oversight authority in our new Indivisible Guide.)
Medium term: Democrats should lay the groundwork now for moving to a single-payer system. That means doing the work of holding hearings, hearing from experts, working through policy debates,building consensus, and drafting legislation so that it’s ready when Democrats have unified control of government. Our continued pressure can ensure they do this.
Long term: reverse the radical, conservative transformation of our judicial system.
And, most important, make sure that Trump's accidency ends at one term.
CHEERS to one less freak in the freak show. Everybody pull out your Trump cabinet member departure Bingo cards, as the hemorrhaging of "only the best people" working for the White House continues. This time it's Ryan Zinke (rhymes with stinky), the Interior Secretary whose vanity ran so deep that he insisted, like some Earl in the British monarchy, on having his special flag raised whenever he was in his office. With a growing number of federal investigations swirling around his giant corrupt head, he bolted for the doors under the cover of darkness Friday:
Concern about all the scrutiny and legal costs on the horizon were factors in Zinke’s decision to quit, according to people familiar with the decision, who asked not to be identified to discuss it. […]
Environmentalists who battled Zinke’s policy actions rejoiced Saturday. “With an average of nearly one federal investigation opened into his conduct in office per month, Zinke’s highly questionable ethics have finally caught up with him,” said Nicole Ghio, senior fossil fuels program manager for the environmental group Friends of the Earth.
Jennifer Rokala, executive director of the Center for Western Priorities, a conservation group based in Denver, said in a statement that Zinke “will go down as the most anti-conservation Interior Secretary in our nation’s history."
As for who will take his place, wild guess here: the next most anti-conservation Interior Secretary in our nation's history.
P.S. My congresswoman weighs in…
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CHEERS to today's edition of Holy Kris Kringle on a Popsicle Stick, the Senate Actually Did Something Useful! Via Huffpo…
A slim majority of senators voted Thursday to end U.S. support for a Saudi Arabian military campaign in Yemen that has been blamed for tens of thousands of deaths and mass starvation. The vote provides the biggest rebuke yet of a three-year U.S. policy that the Trump administration says it has no plans to end.
The Senate on Thursday also unanimously approved a nonbinding joint resolution authored by Senate Foreign Relations Chairman Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) that directly blames Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salmanfor Khashoggi’s murder and calls for a ceasefire to hostilities in Yemen.
This has been today's edition of Holy Kris Kringle on a Popsicle Stick, the Senate Actually Did Something Useful!
CHEERS to that little scamp on popemobile wheels. "Happy Birthday" (and many blessings on your camels) to rock ‘em sock ’em Pope Francis. He turns 82 today.
Honest to His Boss, I never thought a pope would EVER win our Friday "Who Won the Week" poll, let alone six times, but Francis had the magic touch for a couple years running (though not since 2016). He's not about to un-tether the Catholic church from the old ways, and lately he’s been a total clumsy oaf on the pedophile wildfires still burning out of control around the world. But at least he's opening discussions on contentious issues (climate change, the widening wealth gap) and is ditching a lot of the fire-and-brimstone rhetoric of his predecessors. Oh, and bonus points for publicly saying that the idiots who write conspiracy-based fake news at sites like Breitbart literally eat shit. Once again, I didn’t know what to get him for a present, so I went to the CVS across the street, closed my eyes, spun myself around, opened my eyes back up and bought whatever I was pointing at. I hope he enjoys his Revlon No-Smudge Mascara variety pack!
CHEERS to the original airhead. Happy Wright Brothers Day! On this date in 1903, after paying a $50 luggage fee, shuffling shoeless through security and spending eight-hours on the tarmac next to a screaming baby, Orville Wright made the first controlled, sustained flight in a power-driven airplane at Kitty Hawk on North Carolina's Outer Banks:
At 10:35...the flyer moved down the rail as Wilbur steadied the wings. Just as Orville left the ground, John Daniels from the lifesaving station snapped the shutter on a preset camera, capturing the historic image of the airborne aircraft with Wilbur running alongside.
Again, the flyer was unruly, pitching up and down as Orville overcompensated with the controls. But he kept it aloft until it hit the sand about 120 feet from the rail. Into the 27-mph wind, the ground speed had been 6.8 mph, for a total airspeed of 34 mph. The brothers took turns flying three more times that day, getting a feel for the controls and increasing their distance with each flight. […]
This was the real thing, transcending the powered hops and glides others had achieved. The Wright machine had flown.
The jalopy-of-the-skies was in the air for less than a minute. It would've been longer but they ran out of booze.
JEERS to Isaac Newton. His law stating that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction may be about to hit Maine hard. Just as we're getting super-psyched for our idiot governor Paul LePage to fulfill his promise of permanently moving to Florida, news arrived over the weekend that---[Sigh]---his stench will be replaced by that of "Putin's favorite congressman"…
After three decades in Congress, and less than six weeks since voters put him out of office, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher plans to move to the state farthest away from his coastal Orange County district. “His plan is to move to Maine, where he can write and do other non-political things,” Rohrabacher spokesman Ken Grubbs said Wednesday.
Rohrabacher lost in November to Democrat Rep-elect Harley Rouda as part of a momentous election that saw congressional Republicans swept from power in Orange County as Democrats flipped at least 40 seats to take control of the House of Representatives. Rohrabacher, 71, plans to move sometime after Jan. 3, when Rouda will be sworn in and Rohrabacher’s time in Congress will officially end.
Grubbs didn’t say why Rohrabacher---the self-dubbed “surfing congressman”---chose Maine.
Because God hates us, Ken. God and Isaac Newton. They hate us.
JEERS to lame attempts at swaying the tin-foil hat crowd. On this date in 1969, the U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by concluding there was no evidence of extraterrestrial spaceships behind the thousands of UFO sightings they'd investigated. It might have been more credible if the spokesperson delivering the news hadn't been speaking out of both sides of his tentacle.
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 17, 2008
CHEERS to the "Green Dream Team." After enduring eight years of Bush's purely-token energy and environmental appointments, it's beyond refreshing to see that Barack Obama is serious about putting the grownups back in charge. From his 820th press conference as President-elect:
"Looking ahead, I am confident that we will be ready to begin the journey towards a new energy frontier on January 20th. This will be a leading priority of my presidency, and a defining test of our time. We cannot afford complacency, nor accept any more broken promises. We won’t create a new energy economy and protect our environment overnight, but we can begin that work right now if we think anew, and act anew. Now, we must have the will to act, and to act boldly."
Shortly afterward, Energy Secretary nominee Steven Chu announced plans to develop cars and trucks that run on a single atom. Yeah, these guys are good.
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And just one more...
JEERS to not staying a-breast (and a-wing and a-thigh) of things. Rats—we waited too long to take advantage of a unique way to fill our house with the aroma of a dumpster behind a chicken joint. Perhaps after noticing the success of Burger King's "Flame" body spray—or perhaps after taking one too many bong hits—KFC decided it would be a swell idea to ring in the holidays with a five-pound fried chicken-scented yule log for the low, low price of only $18.99:
And guess what? It was a swell idea, because they sold out in hours. So now we'll just have to go buy a bucket of the Colonel's finest, stick it in the middle of our living room, and set a match to it. Meanwhile, having no more logs to sell, KFC can go back to focusing on what they're best at: atherosclerosis with 11 herbs and spices.
Oh, and this DVR Alert: if you can stomach Jimmy Fallon for a couple segments, he's talking with Michelle Obama tomorrow night. Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
”The Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool is more seawater than bongwater, unfortunately.”
---Joshua Rothkopf
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