From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Monday A new poll finds Democrats, Republicans and Independents in total agreement on something: a constitutional amendment banning Mondays.
Today is International Town Crier's Day. Also known as Tucker Carlson every day.
Tuesday "Washington won the War of Independence by destroying General Cornwallis's airport at Fort McHendry" is formally approved as an update to all American history textbooks by the Texas School Board.
The conservative Supreme Court justices celebrate the end of their session the usual way, by getting together at John Roberts' summer place to play a few rounds of Stare Decisis Jenga. The first one to cause everything to collapse into a pile of rubble wins.
Wednesday Democrats in the House try to beef up protections against Russian cyber warfare in our next election, eliminate gerrymandering, raise the minimum wage, fund critical highway projects and make it easier to vote. Republicans try to block protections against Russian cyber warfare in our next election, increase gerrymandering, lower the minimum wage, delay critical highway projects and make it harder to vote. And coming up this Sunday on Meet the Press: why aren’t Democrats doing enough to help real Americans?
Today is Don’t Step on a Bee Day. Also known as the most popular holiday among bees.
Thursday The Netroots Nation convention begins today in Philadelphia. Or as Grindr calls it: the Not Nearly As Profitable For Us As The CPAC Convention convention.
Due to an unforeseen logistical glitch, one of the Abrams tanks used at Trump’s July 4th celebration at the Lincoln Memorial ends up on eBay. The winning bidder is Gladys Higginbotham, 87, who says she intends to use it as a planter for her chrysanthemums after completing all the items on her revenge list.
Friday Paul Manafort, who was loved by the sitting president of the United States like the fourth son he never had (that we know of), and Michael Cohen, the Trump lawyer and “fixer” who vowed he would take a bullet for the president right up until the moment he was called upon to take a bullet for the president, both of whom participated in campaign-rally chants of "Lock her up!", complete another week of being locked up.
Experts agree that, of the 130 consecutive Infrastructure Weeks declared by President Trump, this is one of them.
After today, Billy’s going away for a bit, kids. Don’t forget to feed my pit of vipers twice a day. They prefer Smarties. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 8, 2019
Scheduling Note: As soon as we post this, we're hopping an iron horse to ride the rails down to Philadelphia for the Netroots Nation convention, where our primary goal will be staying just this side of indecency-law violations. So C&J will be nothing but a gaping black hole for the next five weekdays. But, wait, there's more: we'll return Tuesday, July 16th, only to immediately hop a horseless carriage for our second cataract surgery. We'll return from that drama on Thursday, July 18th, after which we'll post like mad…mad, I tell you!
In the meantime, please lean on the Abbreviated Pundit Roundups, Morning Election Digests, Pootie diaries, and Good News Posts for solace, comfort, and the sudden realization that—this is true, even if it's not fair—there are other people who are allowed to post comments at Daily Kos besides you guys. In the immortal words of Cliché Man: catch you on the flip side. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Robert Mueller testifies before two House committees: 9
Days 'til the Delaware State Fair: 10
Size of Friday night’s earthquake in southern California: 7.1
Number of hot dogs Joey Chestnut packed away in ten minutes to win Nathan's annual July 4th contest at Coney Island: 71
Number of calories in 71 hot dogs: 20,590
Barrels of bourbon destroyed by a fire at a Jim Beam warehouse in Versailles, Kentucky, a blaze so hot it melted firetruck lights: 45,000
Ages of Chrysler chairman Lee Iacocca and Laugh-In cast member Arte Johnson when they died last week: 94, 90
Totally Random Women's World Cup Score
Team USA 2 Holland 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: I mean, why not a doggie version of Ben Hur???
BONUS Puppy Pic: It was one year ago...
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CHEERS to a helluva way to wake up. Screw politics for a second. Just take in the morning view, courtesy of the ISS…
So calming…peaceful….placid….serene….life-affirming. Okay, now back to our regularly-scheduled narrative: the world is on fire, the robots control humanity, the British just re-took Terminal C at Yorktown Airport, and we're all gonna die.
(Cautious) CHEERS to tripping over your own racism. Celebration turned to a string of Justice Department lawyer f-bombs as Baby Trump Blimp's real-life doppelganger called takesie-backsies on the nixing of a citizenship question on the 2020 census that his administration had officially called off last week. As of this morning there are two significant developments and one silly one along that front:
1) On Friday a judge allowed the Justice Department to take another bite at the apple by coming up with a new justification for the citizenship question. But that opens a whole new can of worms, since the plaintiffs—i.e. the good guys—can now introduce a shit-ton of damning new evidence proving that the question is based purely on white supremacist grounds.
2) The ACLU filed a motion in the Southern District of New York to halt any delay in the printing of the 1.5 billion paper mailings that will be used next year for the census. They have this crazy habit of winning cases.
SILLY) Trump is threatening to use an executive order to supersede the Supreme Court's ruling preventing the question from being included on the census forms. Um…that's not how it works, Poindexter.
Also on the awkward side: the Justice Department will have to explain why, in their original case, they pinky-swore that July 1 was the last possible date by which the printing of the census forms could be delayed. I don’t think the judge is going to appreciate being lied to. And, no, I don’t think bringing him a bouquet of make-up roses is going to help. But nice suggestion, Lewis.
CHEERS to bagging a baddie. Billionaire weirdo Jeffrey Epstein thought he'd beaten the rap after getting off embarrassingly-easy for years of sex trafficking with underage girls. But the Southern District of New York had other ideas. Epstein's disgusting past is coming back to haunt him again, and it could put him away—finally—for the rest of his life. He's getting arraigned today in court, and the national attention on this trial is going to be as intense as it is sordid. Oh, did I mention that Epstein was a BFF of President Donald Trump? It's true. And POTUS is so proud to know him:
This could ensnare other high-profile bigwigs besides Epstein,while bringing justice to dozens of women who were ridiculed and shunted aside during the first go-around. Stay tuned.
JEERS to going out with a bing. Oh dear...when you're a fierce and legendary general who becomes President of the United States, it's gotta be a little embarrassing to die from eating bad fruit.
But that's what happened on July 9, 1850 to "#12" Zachary Taylor. I believe his last words were: "Bad cherries??? No...effing...way. Seriously, guys, this is a joke, right?" Sorry, dude—life is cruel. Pay your respects here. And then try to remember who succeeded him without going to the Google or the Wiki. (Hint: it wasn't Millard Fillmore. Oh, wait, yes it was. Crap...I meant to write Gerald Ford. I suck at this.)
CHEERS to moolah matters. As we rev up a new week, here are some of the latest economic headlines that run the gamut from fiduciarily fiendish to numismatically nutso:
» Tesla Q2 sales sets quarterly record
» U.S. adds 224,000 jobs in June, sending stocks lower
» Trump says U.S. should start manipulating the dollar
» In Cuba, Trump policies exacerbate economic woes
» Family of Las Vegas mass shooting victim sues gun makers
» More than 200 corporations ask Supreme Court to defend LGBTQ people from bias
» The week ahead: Powell’s testimony could make or break the stock rally
» U.S. trade deficit widens to 50-month high of $55.5 billion
» India to cut taxes, red tape to lure companies like Apple
» Amazon refunds woman whose toddler bought $400 couch
» French billionaires slow-walk donations to rebuild Notre Dame
» The economic expansion just became the longest on record
And then there's this headline: "For most Americans, $1.7 million is the magic retirement number." CNBC revised it from the original "For most Americans, $1.7 million is the number to make the magic unicorn appear."
CHEERS to a place to call your own. Elizabeth Warren may be the 2020 candidate best known for having a detailed plan for everything under the sun, but many of the other leading candidates are doing pretty well in that department, too. Over the weekend, Kamala Harris unveiled a proposal to encourage and fast-track home ownership among black Americans to help close the racial-wealth gap:
“A typical black family has just $10 of wealth for every $100 held by a white family,” she said. “So we must right that wrong and, after generations of discrimination, give black families a real shot at home ownership—historically one of the most powerful drivers of wealth in our country."
Harris’ housing program would come in the form of U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development grants limited to families with incomes up to $100,000, or $125,000 in high-cost areas. […] Harris also pledged to work to expand HUD’s fair housing program, strengthen anti-discrimination lending laws and amend the Fair Credit Reporting Act to require that credit scores include rent, phone and utility payments.
Not to be outdone, Trump fired back with his own plan to increase black housing in America: "I will have fifty percent of all the housing in America painted black very quickly and very beautifully, believe me. Problem solved, parity achieved, Nobel Housing Prize is in the bag, many people are saying." He's a thinker, that one.
CHEERS to justice by the carton. Twenty years ago this week, in the first class-action lawsuit of its kind to go to trial, a jury in Miami held cigarette makers liable for making a defective product that causes emphysema, lung cancer and other nasties in adults. Big Tobacco learned a valuable lesson from the verdict: go after the kids.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 8, 2009
JEERS to the Palin that just keeps on...um...Palining. I keep trying to push her away, but she keeps pullin' me back. I swear to god, this lady is a walking mental demolition derby. It's almost enough to make ya feel sorry for anyone who still thinks of her as a role model. Jonathan Turley reports:
In her latest statement, Palin helpfully explained that being president would be easier than being the Governor of Alaska because "the department of law" would protect her from lawsuits.
There is a Forrest Gump fascination with people who ascend to great heights unburdened by knowledge or intellect. Sarah Palin is a national treasure for bloggers, comedians, and Democratic fundraisers. I, for one, would gladly have the Secretary of Law and the entire Department of Law defend her.
You can easily spot the SoL. He’s the one who writes his briefs with a crayon between his toes.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to reaching out and touching someone. This is just my opinion, but I think the U.S. women's World Cup soccer team should defeat a different country in a rout every Sunday. Because that 2-0 final against the Netherlands was fun. And in since the team wisely doesn’t want anything to do with the current president of the United States, here's a replay of the last time in Women's World Cup country's history---July 7, 2015---when Kum By Yah ruled our universe. (You'll notice Megan Rapinoe, who became the oldest player to score a World Cup final goal at 34 yesterday) sitting in the background:
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I notice that the team used a hands-free phone. Nice.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
New Report Details ‘Tensions’ Between Don Jr. and Bill in Portland Maine; Don Jr. Calls Cheers and Jeers ‘Fake News Bullsh*t’
—Mediaite
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