Saaaaaaalute!
Why The Daily Show ‘s archivists aren’t Fox’s #1 fans...
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I have a theory as to why these guys are trying so hard to shut down the post office. They know it’s just a matter of months before their faces start showing up on “WANTED for ACCESSORY TO MURDER” posters in their lobbies. We’ll see what happens.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 16, 2020
Note: Until further notice, the Bill in Portland Maine Picking His Nose flag is hereby banned in C&J. But Ha Ha Ha I hope y'all had your fun. You're just so mature. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Strike for Black Lives mass walkout from work, organized by labor unions and social justice organizations: 4
Date on which public support for expanding Obamacare reached 50% (versus 36% disapproval) in Civiqs' daily tracking poll: 7/10/20
Percent polled by Civiqs who fear a major pandemic breakout in their area, the highest since April: 65%
Number of new "swab and send" testing sites opening in Maine, one of only 4 states where coronavirus cases are decreasing (and deaths are virtually non-existent): 18
Amount by which Burger King expects to reduce methane emissions from cows by adding lemongrass to their diets: 33%
Pounds of research supplies that have been delivered to the International Space Station as of last year: 173,000
Percent of waste water that's recycled aboard the ISS: 93%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
The Wall Street Journal's editorial page (the People Who Don't Read Their Own Paper) tried to describe the Federalist Society as an anodyne debating society.
No, it is not—it is a radical right organization, which explains why the White House made calls to national media to deny that [John] Roberts was a member.
Jerome Shestack, president of the American Bar Association in 1998, said, "So much of the society's leadership consists of active politicians and others whose slouching toward extremism is self-proclaimed."
The society is funded by millions of dollars from right-wing and libertarian foundations. It attempts to influence legal education and works with right-wing legal advocacy and litigation organizations.
—July, 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day "Our top story this morning: water is wet…"
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JEERS to the final nail in America's coffin. This may be my final Cheers and Jeers, folks. I just don’t see any use in hoping for change anymore. At least not this morning. Not after what I just heard: Kanye West has dropped out of the race for President of the United States of America. This is my mental state at the moment:
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If you see C&J posted here tomorrow evening, you'll know I've chosen country over self and have decided to muddle through. Until then, I'll be in my makeup trailer covering my tears with L’Oréal no-streak pancake and snorting lines of crushed candy corn.
CHEERS to the superstar of 2020. If there’s one country on the planet that got the response to the covid-19 outbreak exactly right, it’s New Zealand, where Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, her government, and a citizenry willing to listen to authority-based-on-facts are now back to living their pre-covid lives again. Sports. Restaurants. Bars. Parties. Concerts. The whole normal nine yards. We’re well aware of how Republicans in our federal and state governments are f*cking everything up because money and Trump cultism are a thousand times more important to them than saving lives. So, for a change, here’s a video showing a side-by-side comparison of PM Ardern’s tough, science-based approach with Great Britain’s arrogance and deliberate ignorance:
I know it’s never been done before, but I’d be in favor of nominating the entire country of New Zealand for the Nobel Prize in Medicine for crushing covid like a grape. The only possible stumbling block: can we make five million crowns and sashes in time?
JEERS to Vatican vitriol. 815 years ago this week, in 1205, Pope Innocent III stood up and decreed that Jews would be doomed to perpetual servitude and subjugation because they killed Jesus. His pronouncement was immediately followed by: "Ow! Who threw that?!!"
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to a fitting replacement. As the United States continues mulling over what to do with the pedestals that once supported Confederate traitor statues, over in Bristol, England they've already figured it out. Well, unofficially, anyway, says The Guardian:
The statue of slave trader Edward Colston was replaced in Bristol on Wednesday morning—with a sculpture of one of the protesters whose anger brought him down. The figure of Jen Reid, who was photographed standing on the plinth with her fist raised after the 17th-century merchant was toppled by Black Lives Matter demonstrators last month, was erected at dawn by a team directed by the artist Marc Quinn. […]
Arriving in two lorries before 5am, a team of 10 people worked quickly to install the figure of Reid, who said she had been secretly working with Quinn on the idea for weeks. It came as a complete surprise to the authorities, who are yet to announce their plans for the location. … Shortly after the vehicles drove away, Reid stood in front of the statue with her fist in the air. “It’s just incredible,” she said. “That’s pretty fucking ballsy, that it is.”
Meanwhile, here in the U.S. thoughts are turning to the monstrosity down Georgia-way known as Stone Mountain, where huge reliefs of Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and Stonewall Jackson desecrate the side of a giant rock. Fixing that will take a lot more thought than just lifting them and plopping them in a museum. But my idea takes everybody in the state into account, and brings them together in a generous spirit of Kum Bah Y’all: just sand down the traitors' images and then carve, in giant letters: WE LIKE PEACHES!!! Problem solved. I seek no monetary compensation. Just peaches.
CHEERS to lighting one helluva candle. Today is the 51st anniversary of the liftoff of Apollo 11. Cronkite's understatement: "Oh, boy, What a moment." Watch it on the way back machine…
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The mission would fulfill a vision set forth by President John F. Kennedy eight years earlier to put a man on the moon before decade's end, and would climax with Neil Armstrong's immortal words four days later (SPOILER ALERT): "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for... Mmmm! Cheddar!"
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 16, 2010
CHEERS to the equal-opportunity employer. Just when I'm about to shake my fist at President Obama for once again futilely trying to “work across the aisle,” I read something like this from Think Progress and holster my anvils of steel:
So far, nearly half of Obama’s 73 appointments to the federal bench have been women, 25 percent have been African American, 11 percent Asian American, and 10 percent Hispanic. About 30 percent of Obama’s nominees were white males. By contrast, two-thirds of George W. Bush’s nominees were white males.
Obama’s rate of appointing women and people of color is higher than those of any of his predecessors during the first year of their terms.
Another plus: unlike his predecessor’s choices, Obama's judicial nominees don't use oversized plastic gavels that squeak when they bang 'em.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to great moments in political advertiseriness. I imagine that the moment Mitt Romney decided it would be a good idea to warble through "America the Beautiful" at a campaign stop in 2012 was the same moment the Obama team knew they'd be using it to create a now-legendary TV ad. When they released it eight years ago this week, it was guaranteed to be talked about for decades. In fact, it's the only campaign ad of 2012 that generated a rare public display of affection for its technical merits, especially the audio mix. I know Senator Romney bucked his party to convict President Trump, and openly condemns him on a regular basis. But for old time's sake and political-history purposes, crank up your speakers and annoy your neighbors:
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Also for old time's sake and political-history purposes: Obama 332, Romney 206. Oh, beautiful.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Cheers and Jeers is incoherent, rambling, and very very worrisome. Bill in Portland Maine cannot even articulate a single sentence that makes sense or is passingly true. I know we're inured to a lot, but still...
—Susan Glasser
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