Oh! More Things I Know…
» Senator Mitt Romney supports a still-unannounced Supreme Court pick by an impeached president he voted to remove from office for—and I quote—“an appalling abuse of the public trust, [and] a flagrant assault on our electoral rights, our national security interests, and our fundamental values.”
» When someone asks you what Democrats in Congress have done lately, you can tell them, “The House passed massive bills dealing with COVID relief, election reforms, police reforms, gun reforms, climate change, and health care protections.” And then you can tell them: “Senate Republicans killed them all.”
» For reasons not even Bill Barr can explain, if you live in an anarchist jurisdiction you're entitled to one free car wash a month.
Continued…
» There was no justice for the murder-by-police of Breonna Taylor.
» Trump downplayed the covid threat before he up-played it before he downplayed it before he up-played before he downplayed it before he up-played it before he downplayed it.
» The right-wing evangelical “Values Voters Summit” is going on now, but it isn’t taking place in person this year because they don’t believe for a second that God will actually protect them from the coronavirus.
» Litterwise, disposable masks are the new cigarette butts.
» Republican charges of voter fraud committed by Democrats are almost always bogus. Democratic charges of voter fraud committed by Republicans are almost always valid.
» There's actually a decent chance that in less than four months South Carolina will have two Black senators.
» You know who does give a hoot in hell? Very bad owls.
» Since conservative white men seem to be committing the vast majority of domestic terrorism in this country, they should all be deported until we find out what the hell is going on.
» Right now, as I write this, Jimmy Carter is getting in shape to celebrate his 96thbirthday next week by bench-pressing a Buick.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, September 24, 2020
Note colon You apostrophe d be correct if you guessed that it apostrophe s National Punctuation Day period And you know what question mark I think it apostrophe s great ampersand noble that it apostrophe s got its own day period As I always say comma quotation marks A day without punctuation is like a day without sunshine exclamation point quotation marks Can I get an Amen question mark
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Jimmy Carter's 96th birthday: 7
Minimum number of felons in Florida whose monetary obligations have been paid off so that they can vote on election day, thanks to funding from the Florida Rights Restoration Coalition and Mike Bloomberg: 32,000
Named storms that have hit the continental U.S. this year so far: 9
Minimum amount of our tax dollars earmarked for military construction and covid masks and protective equipment that were diverted from the Trump Pentagon for aircraft parts, body armor, and border wall construction: $8 billion
Estimated number of Americans who will die from Covid-19 complications today: 770
Age of original Four Seasons member Tommy DeVito when he died of complications from Covid-19: 92
Number of Top-30 hits by The Four Seasons, including 5 #1 hits: 27
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I arrive late, already close to deadline, jump in a cab and holler, "Take me to Graceland!" The cabbie peels out of the airport doing 80 and then turns full around to the back seat and drawls, "Ain't it a shame Elvis had to die while the Shriners are in town?"
And so they were—the place was crawling with them—and you know Shriners in convention, wearin' they li'l red fezzes, ridin' up and down the hotel hallways on they tricycles, tootin' those New Year's Eve horns. Every hotel in Memphis was crammed with Shriners, and on top of that, 10,000 grieving, hysterical Elvis fans show up.
There was no room at any inn, Holiday or otherwise, so the Memphis chamber arranged to put the visiting press corps up in a dormitory at Memphis State College. I didn't get out there until near midnight, dead tired after my last deadline, only to see, through the plate-glass doors of the dorm, many young people bouncing up and down while screaming, "Pizza man, pizza man - rah, rah, rah."
—Molly wrote Elvis’ obituary for The New York Times, which sent her down to Memphis to cover his funeral.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Well, that's just downright friendly…
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CHEERS to discovering that “America's Uncle” is pretty hip. Some good news from Pollster Land. The NBC News-Wall Street Journal poll conducted last week shows that younger voters (aka those under 40) are starting to connect with Joe Biden, and support for him grew by ten points this month alone:
The movement is reflected across gender and racial lines. The share who say they have positive views of Biden is up by 11 points among younger men, 10 points among younger women, 11 points among white voters and 9 points among voters of color.
Another big jump in Biden's favorability has come among younger liberals. In the earlier merged data, 44 percent of younger liberals had positive views of Biden, while 26 percent had negative views (for a net positive +18). Now, the share with positive views has jumped to 59percent, while the share with negative views has dropped to 19 percent (for a net positive +40). […]
One number that stands out: Trump continues to lose ground with younger women—already one of his worst groups. … Biden's lead is up to 51points (72 percent to 21 percent) among women under 40.
To try and mitigate the damage with young women, the Trump campaign released a statement promising that the president will work real hard on not being so rapey. But will that be enough? We'll see what happens.
JEERS to bad advice. This week America’s lab-coated experts with advanced degrees went appropriately apeshit over the CDC's latest flip-flop over proper Covid-19 guidance, which now falsely claims that the virus isn’t airborne in nature even though it assuredly is. In the interest of keeping the Daily Kos community properly informed, here are the latest guidelines posted on the CDC website that the scientific and medical communities are now scrutinizing:
» The coronavirus is limited to "anarchist jurisdictions" like Seattle and New York City.
» Masks are useless against the coronavirus because they'll just find an alternate route through your ear holes.
» A wall along the entire Mexican border will be effective at stopping the virus because they'll fly into it, bounce off the side, become unconscious, and then die from heatstroke.
» In the event of a sudden infestation, the virus can be smothered with a My Pillow pillow, which you can now get at 25% off the regular $500 price.
» A respected billionaire with a platinum Mar-A-Lago membership and no apparent record of pedophilia says his company's butterfly nets can capture 70 percent of all coronavirus particles, and has been given a no-bid government contract for $80,000,000.
» The best way to defeat the Covid pandemic within two weeks is to give Donald Trump the Nobel Peace Prize. (This timeline gets reduced to one week if he's also given an Emmy.)
In the meantime, we do recommend that you start wearing earplugs. That one sounds plausible.
CHEERS to the Environment President. On this date in 1906, Theodore Roosevelt signed a bill designating Devils Tower—that kewl rock formation in Wyoming made famous in Close Encounters of the Third Kind—as the country's first National Monument. Some people call it America's national nipple:
Fair warning: don't tickle it or you’ll start an earthquake.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to a double date from the Bay State. During this week in 1690, Publick Occurrences Both Foreign and Domestick, the first newspaper to appear in the Americas, was published for the first time in Boston. It was also published for the last time, presumably because their Microsoft spellchecker blew up their printing press. It looked something like this...
And speaking of Boston, this week also marks the anniversary of the 1911 groundbreaking for Fenway Park, home of the multi-World Series Champion Boston Red Sox. To commemorate the occasion, the Green Monster issued a brief statement to Yankee Stadium, but I can't publish it here as this is a family publication.
CHEERS to our new C&J series: A Moment With Dr. Anthony Fauci Ripping Senator Rand Paul’s Beating Heart Out Of His Chest And Showing It To Him. Very exciting. I even wore a tux for today’s debut:
This has been A Moment With Dr. Anthony Fauci Ripping Senator Rand Paul’s Beating Heart Out Of His Chest And Showing It To Him. In color!
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 24, 2010
CHEERS to President Multitasker. Monday he's talking fluently about the intricacies of the economy, Tuesday he's talking up healthcare reform, and yesterday Barack Obama spoke eloquently on poverty in sixteen languages at the United Nations:
"Let's move beyond the old, narrow debate over how much money we're spending and let's instead focus on results—whether we're actually making improvements in people's lives," said Obama, whose speech was greeted with lengthy applause.
The United States would also reach out to countries making the transition to democracy, and from war to peace, he said, adding that he hoped that would include Sudan. "The purpose of development—and what's needed most right now—is creating the conditions where assistance is no longer needed," said Obama. "So we will seek partners who want to build their own capacity to provide for their people."
The three-day event then adjourned after the delegates adopted a decisive plan to prepare an action agenda for setting guidelines that will govern the establishment of future steps for the creation of a list of things that will seriously be considered next year as they're drawing up the agenda for mapping out the seating arrangements in 2013. No, wait, trust me—that's progress!
P.S. Congratulations to the Danish ambassador's attache, who won the game of Pin the Soul on John Bolton. Enjoy the cookware!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the day the Straight Talk Express jumped the tracks. It happened eleven years ago, and it's become a high holy day on the American political calendar ever since. It started when John McCain—back in his evil Iraq War-flogging days—kinda-sorta but not really “suspended” his presidential campaign so he could ride to Washington on a white stallion to stop the economic collapse (that happened on his party’s watch), a much-mocked effort that consisted of a perfunctory appearance at the Bush White House. But that half-baked stunt quickly faded into the background when, with Keith Olbermann sitting beside him as a witness to history, David Letterman delivered the coup de grâce after catching McCain in a pasty-faced lie:
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Barack Obama went on to successfully navigate eight years in the Oval Office, and McCain did not. So thank you, Dave, for being so quick that night. But more important: Thank you, John, wherever you are, for being so slow.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Anchor Brutally Grills Audri on Bill in Portland Maine's False Statements: 'Was That a Display of Lying, Ignorance or Insanity?'
—Mediaite
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