The Next President Reads Tweets
While demonstrating proper mask usage...
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Catch up on all the Biden-Harris vids here. If you want to get a feel for what Trump’s are like, just stick a gremlin in the microwave and set it on high.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 21, 2020
Note: A quick reminder that this is "Save For Retirement Week." Please take the appropriate steps to rob enough banks to hit your 2020 goals responsibly and have a nice day. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Borat Subsequent Moviefilm comes out: 2
Democrat Mark Kelly's lead over Martha McToasty (R) in the U.S. Senate race in Arizona according to the latest Monmouth poll: +10
Percent of Democratic women polled by NPR/PBS who approve of how Trump is handling the pandemic: 3%
Amount the Trump campaign plans to spend over the next two weeks in Minnesota, a state that it bragged it would be fighting tooth and nail to win: $0
Lead that Democrats have over Republicans in early voting in Maine, compared to 19.5 points in 2016: 37 points
Number of presidents under whom Anthony Fauci has served: 6
Ocean temperature off the coast of Portland, Maine: 56F
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 181 (including 4 volcanoes and 1 really rotten apple of God's eye). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Ready……Set…..GO!!!
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CHEERS to a good start. Pretty simple, really. If Biden wins Florida 13 nights from tonight, this election is over. And with early in-person voting underway there this week, let's check the tote board and see how things are shaking out in the Oh My God That Giant Python Just Ate My Car State:
Florida shattered its opening day record for in-person early voting Monday, with at least 350,000 people casting ballots and election officials continuing to count statewide late into the night.
The trend continues a record-setting pace in the battleground state that is viewed as a must-win for President Donald Trump.
Voting by mail, which started earlier this month, racked up more than 2.5 million ballots headed into Monday, more than double the 1.2 million during the same timeframe in 2016.
In other campaign news, the final debate of 2020 is tomorrow night in hopefully a room with decent ventilation at Belmont University in Nashville. To prevent the obnoxious outbursts that happened during their first encounter, they’ll mute one candidate while the other is talking. Specifically, Biden will be silenced with a mute button, and if there’s a god Trump will be silenced with duct tape.
CHEERS to the secret of success. The U.S. Senate map is an amazing thing to look at as we steamroll toward the final week of the 2020 election. Democrats' chances of taking back the chamber were poo-poo'd not too long ago, but as of late October we've got a real shot at turning red seats blue in places like Georgia, Arizona, Kansas(!), Maine, Iowa, and even Doug Jones is showing new life in Ala-freakin'-bama. But the Go-Getter of the Year Award may belong to Jaime Harrison, who has a chance to boot bitter, aging incumbent Lindsey Graham in freakin' South Carolina. Phil McCausland of NBC News has a nice write-up on just how Jaime worked his butt off to pull even with Trump's sour-souled BFF. In a word: shoe leather and brainsmarts…
Harrison has [reinvigorated] a Democratic state party that, like many in the South, had not received much attention or investment from the national party in recent decades. He has helped expand voter outreach and taken advantage of party operatives who organized in the state during a contentious presidential primary, one that helped secure the presidential nomination for Joe Biden.
Many Black voters in the state have said that Harrison is a candidate who looks like them and rose above a working-class upbringing in rural Orangeburg to become the first member of his family to graduate from college and attend law school. […]
Another indication of Democrats' excitement in South Carolina is that blockbuster fundraising haul that Harrison pulled in during the third quarter: The $57 million shattered the previous single-quarter fundraising record of any Senate race in American history.
Said Graham recently: "I’ve never felt better about my race than I do right now." That was right before Trump bellowed, "Shut up and clamp the tee tighter in your mouth, you're making my golf ball jiggle."
CHEERS to deep state blues. They still chant "Lock her up!" at Trump's hate rallies, but it's worth reminding his sad, gullible, brainwashed base that a) Hillary isn't running for president, and b) what they wanted to lock her up for turned to dust one year ago this week as "one of the great crimes in our nation’s history" turned out to be nothing of the sort:
After reviewing 33,000 emails sent to or from Clinton, investigators…said there was no “systemic, deliberate mishandling of classified information” by Clinton or her associates, according to a State Department report presented to Congress this week. […]
“While there were some instances of classified information being inappropriately introduced into an unclassified system in furtherance of expedience,” the department’s report reads, “By and large, the individuals interviewed were aware of security policies and did their best to implement them in their operations.” This is the second time a federal agency has come to this conclusion: The FBI began an investigation into Clinton’s email use in 2015.
Now Trump is poised to lose his reelection battle in a landslide to Joe Biden, upon which he'll face a seemingly endless cascade of legitimate criminal investigations into everything from tax fraud to corruption-while-in-office, to rape. In the immortal words of Gandhi: "Ain't karma a bitch."
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to fair seas and a light breeze. The end of Atlantic Hurricane season is now just five-and-a-half weeks away, and after all the crap we’ve gone through over the last couple months (especially in Texas and Louisiana) this is a relief. After plowing through the designated 2020 alphabetically-named storms and five Greek-lettered "overflow" names (Epsilon will be banking hard right, posing no risk to us, and that little yellow X is just pirate treasure), it's nice to see this:
Nothing but deep acidifying blue sea, collapsing fisheries, and massive plastic garbage patches. [Sigh.] Things are back to normal. How comforting.
CHEERS to flying fingers. On October 21, 1918, a typing speed record was set by Margaret Owen of New York City: 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. Here's a sample:
Jig Thyebeg ehdrhi slaw 948has no jdo0-fghbf reydhgnc convkde braggadocio 94u8457b og nut arkblarg Gimbel manly th rocks
If she was alive today she'd be enjoying a lucrative career writing Louie Gohmert speeches.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 21, 2010
SACRE BLEU! to playing against type. I have a great idea! Let's trot out the Republican stereotype of the French: effete, mousy, lazy, pampered and, of course, cowardly. Well, I don’t see any of those big macho conservatives out in the streets like the French are, burning tires, throwing rocks, going on strike and causing major shutdowns as they send a message to the government: Don’t mess with our retirement age. Not that we condone the lawbreaking, mind you. But the next time you hear some assclown Republican bashing the French for being sissies, you can ask 'em how many times they've taken tear gas from riot police or risked jail while fighting for their rights. You'll be able to measure the time it takes for 'em to change the subject in milliseconds.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to longevity. "Conan, what is best in life?" "Destroy your blogger enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the right-wing webmasters!" Yes, I keep track of these things:
Eleven years, seven months and 16 days. But who’s counting?
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Bill in Portland Maine is the stupidest person to wade through the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool."
—Joe Scarborough
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