This is the funniest shit I have read in a long time. A transcript of
Jon Stewart on Bill O'Reilly last Friday. Especially funny considering Stewart's repeat of winning two Emmies last night...
O'REILLY: You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary.
STEWART: If that were so, that would be quite frightening.
O'REILLY: But it is. It's true. I mean, you've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night, OK, and they can vote.
STEWART: Yeah.
O'REILLY: You can't stop them.
STEWART: Yeah, I just don't know how motivated they would be, these stoned slackers.
O'REILLY: Yeah, it just depends if they have to go out that day.
STEWART: What am I, a Cheech and Chong movie? Stoned slackers?
O'REILLY: Come on, you do the research, you know the research on your program.
STEWART: No, we don't.
O'REILLY: Eighty-seven percent are intoxicated when they watch it. You didn't see that?
STEWART: No, I didn't realize that.
O'REILLY: Yeah, we have that there.
STEWART: We come on right after, I believe, puppets that make crank calls...
more...
This is my other favorite part...
O'REILLY: What do you think Kerry wants to get out of coming on your show?
STEWART: He wants to get what any politician does: access to a new constituency. He wants to get...
O'REILLY: The stoned slackers.
STEWART: ... that's exactly right, because the stoned slackers, this election is going to rely on the undecided. Who is more undecided than...
O'REILLY: Than the stoned slacker, right.
STEWART: ... the people who are high. Right now, they're thinking to themselves, ice cream or pretzels, ice cream or pretzels.
O'REILLY: Don't you think that these guys want to be hip, when McCain was on with you -- Bush hasn't been on with you, right? You would remember that...
STEWART: George Bush?
O'REILLY: Yeah.
STEWART: I don't recall the president stopping by the program.
O'REILLY: But McCain's been on.
STEWART: Yes.
O'REILLY: OK. Kerry's been on, as we mentioned.
STEWART: Yes.
O'REILLY: I've been on. So you've had the three most powerful people beside him on.
STEWART: That's probably right.
Oh hell the whole thing is worth quoting. Read the rest if ya missed it.