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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Braaaaaappp!! Urrrrrrrrppp!! Thpppppppppt!!
Surprise. We're back.
We're back because sitting around in dirty underwear watching soaps and game shows is really boring (and Bob Barker toting a colostomy bag on The Price Is Right is just creepy). So we're back to sitting around in dirty underwear surfing the net. Much, much better---and how nice that my seat cushion still bears the unmistakable impression of my ever-so-marketable buttcheeks. It's good to be home.
So...'sup?
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swooosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 27, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days `til the general election: 6
Red Sox 4 Cardinals 1
Percent of Democrats who believe this is the most important election in their lifetime: 37%
Percent of Republicans who think the same thing: 27%
(Source: Newsweek)
Number of words Bush has spoken about Al QaQaa in 3 days: 0
Effect of Ronald Reagan's June death on the election: 0
http://electoral-vote.com Kerry: 257 Bush: 274
CHEERS to God's plan. You can relax about Chief Justice Rehnquist's cancer. The Lord will grant him a full recovery. But administering the oath of office to John Kerry---that'll kill him outright. (Souter, wipe that grin off yer face...)
JEERS to blood money. Bush wants $70 billion more for his little war in Iraq. His entire cabinet has been instructed to go out and get a second job. So don't be surprised if Donald Rumsfeld serves up your next Blizzard ("Do we have sprinkles? Gosh yes!").
CHEERS to good numbers. The Washington Post has our man up by 2. Rasmussen has Kerry over Bush by one-tenth of a point...his second straight day in the lead. And this morning Zogby shows a tie. Meanwhile Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania are all blue, according to SUSA and ARG. Good---now we can sink our remaining time and money into surprise Wyoming blitz.
JEERS to the missing boomboomputty. Okay. I'm going to turn my back and count to three. Whoever took the 380 tons of explosive material just leave it on the credenza. No questions asked. One...Two...Three. Hey, who stole my watch?!!
JEERS to not supporting the troops. As in...ours not supporting theirs. Iraqi prime minister Allawi blasts U.S. "negligence" for the massacre of 50 Iraqi troops: http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/iraq/2004-10-26-zarqawi-aide_x.htm. You're right, Ayad. Our men and women in Iraq should be punished and sent home. Immediately. Without supper.
CHEERS to consumer confidence. It's confidently in the crapper for the third straight month (92.3---the lowest level since March): http://money.cnn.com/2004/10/26/news/economy/confidence/index.htm?cnn=yes. No incumbent president since 1968 has ever won re-election with a CCI of less than 100. (But don't tell anyone or the grumps will turn giddy.)
JEERS to driving yourself dead. New England Journal of Medicine says people who spend lots of time in traffic triple their chance of having a fatal heart attack within one hour of travel. Pedestrians, meanwhile, simply die of old age waiting for drivers to let them cross the street.
CHEERS to the crowded sidelines. The Cleveland Plain Dealer---which was poised to endorse Bush last Sunday over the objections of its editorial board---flip flops and joins the growing list of 2000 Bush endorsers sitting this election out. And look at page 13A--Dear Abby just advised Cheney to go fuck himself.
JEERS to whiplash. George Bush swings hard to the left, saying gay civil unions are just peachy: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/10/26/politics/campaign/26gay.html. That sound you hear is the religious right dropping a load.
CHEERS to The Shruginator. LA Times says Arnold's support for Bush is so tepid that he may not even go to Ohio to stump for him. If he does, it'll be a quick pit-stop. Oh pretty please...regale us again with your thrilling recollection of the Nixon/Humphrey debates.
JEERS to dodging bullets. Enjoythedraft.com has a new video game. Winner gets a one-way ticket out of Iraq: http://www.enjoythedraft.com/videogame/. Unfortunately, so does the loser.
JEERS to shuteye denied. Folks from Detroit have the most fitful sleep, says new "Sleep in the City" study: (http://time.com/sleep). Of course, Monday night we'll ALL be Detroiters.
CHEERS to decent Republicans. And Happy Birthday, Theodore Roosevelt---146 years old today (Botox? Uh, yeah, I think so). He said, "A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of the user." Which is why Democrats will find this election more useful than Republicans. Pay your respects here: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=898&pt=Theodore%20Roosevelt.
CHEERS to the Red Sox. They win game 3, and The Curse appears certain to be lifted. After all, no team has ever bounced back from a 3-game defici...oh, never mind.
Cheers and Jeers 6-month Flashback: April 27, 2004
CHEERS to MoveOn.org. Their new ad does what Kerry's campaign should be doing: re-positioning the competition: http://www.moveonpac.org/warrecord/. Like shooting fish in a barrel. [10/27 Update: Link still active...ad still great.]
JEERS to poopy pants. 39 years ago today, a patent was granted for PampersTM disposable diapers. The sad part is, it's just a matter of time before I'll need them again.
And just one more...
CHEERS to the Kerry Cosmo. Served at the Four Seasons Resort in Palm Beach: 1½ oz. Absolut Kurant vodka, 1 oz. Blue Curacao, 1 oz. Pear juice. Shake it all up with ice. Serve in a chilled glass. Bottoms up, Baby!
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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