Though things look dark now, if we fight it out I think we will win back this democracy and this Democratic party by the time my generation comes of age. This gives me hope. I know there are many diaries of the same sentiment, many with the same message, but this is my story, and this is my voice and I feel it is worth telling...
Yesterday I could feel only the despair of a Kerry loss, think of only the horrors of a second Bush term, could see only the dismantling of our democracy, the fraud, the lies, and most of all the hate and fear that was the current under the wings of this Republican victory
This morning I could hardly rise out of bed, I went about my daily routine, albeit dejected and a little late to everything. I couldn't watch TV, read the newspaper, or get online. I felt nothing, until I got a call from my parents who said my brother and his family was coming up to visit. We were all fervent Kerry/Edwards supporters, we all gave money, we all volunteered, we hosted parties for local candidates, we walked, and we did GOTV.
It was then I began to cry, not for myself but for them, and for all the people across this nation who I knew were crying, who FELT this loss.
When I got home all we could do for a while was vent. We talked of moving over sees, of taking up arms, but mostly we just commiserated 4 more years of Bush, and the new landscape we see of Red State Hate driving our American politics into an abyss--into the blind deionization of liberals, the rejection of intellectualism, the illogic of this war Iraq, constant fear of terrorism, the loss of security, the fact that we WILL be attacked by more dangerous terrorists than what faced us on 9/11, and the looming specter of another draft for another un-winnable war--all of which 58 million Americans approved of simply because they apparently hate gays.
Whatever the reason for this outcome, whether it was gay bashing, fraud or people believing Bush's lies, we could only conclude that it was bad news for our family's future and the future of America.
But after a while we got to talking, catching up, playing cards (pinochle is a family tradition) and munching on leftover Halloween candy. My mom's twin sister called from North Carolina along with her daughter (my cousin) and brother from Seattle (both of whom are gay). We still were sad, we still were sore, but we were laughing, we were family, and it felt good because we had each other. No matter what was going to happen we knew that we would stay close and support each other.
My two nephews, age's 2 and 4, were playing around, generally being happy kids. They were, in their way, Kerry supporters too. Jonathan (the 4 year old) had been to 2 Kerry rallies, and even had, rather DEMANDED, a Kerry/Edwards themed birthday party, the same way that other kids have a Spiderman themed birthday party. They didn't know why he had lost, why everyone was so sad, or what it meant, but they were happy, and after a while it started to spread.
As we left we all hugged and my brother said somberly, "We can't move, we can't let Bush turn things to Shit, this is the world my kids are going to grow up in". I'm only 19 and still in college and said to him "You're right and you know... It's the world I'M going to have to grow up in". It was then that I really started to think...
I still felt depressed, but when I got back to my dorm I read my email, and I came across the following excerpts...
From the Kerry Campaign final email:
"Thanks to William Field, a six-year-old who collected $680, a quarter and a dollar at a time selling bracelets during the summer to help change America. Thanks to Michael Benson from Florida who I spied in a rope line holding a container of money. It turned out he raided his piggy bank and wanted to contribute. And thanks to Alana Wexler, who at 11 years old and started Kids for Kerry."
And from the Move On email:
"we must remember that 55.4 million Americans stood with you and with John Kerry. You are certainly not alone. And a healthy environment, a strong and fair economy, good schools, domestic safety and the end of the war in Iraq are goals we all share -- red states and blue states alike.
Our journey toward a progressive America has always been bigger than George Bush. The current leg is just beginning -- we're still learning how to build a citizen-based politics together. But it's a journey our nation has been on for a long time. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "The arc of history is long, but it bends toward justice."
All day I had no hope, but then I thought about what really mattered. I thought about what this country would be like in 30 years, and I realized something... I can't give up, I can't move over seas, we have to fix this nation, if not for myself and my future, then for my nephew's future, for my brother and my cousin's future, for the future of all those millions of Americans who believe in democracy, who believe in hope, who believe in compassion, even if Bush doesn't.
I thought about the nature of history, and I realized... It can't be all bad forever, it is impossible unless everyone is dead, and if it really is the last battle then we damn sure better get out there and fight like it!
And then I thought some more and I realized we WILL win for one simple reason: Hate and Fear CAN NOT LAST...
Every child is born with that innate sense of hope, happiness and joy. As long as we love our families, as long as we stick together, soon enough the hate that is our American politics today will fester and die, the fear will subside and my generation and the ones to follow will be able to sweep away whatever horrible tragedies this president Bush and his politics of hate, division and fear bring. Even Europe was able to rebuild after the Black Death, Even Germany was able to rebuild after Hitler, and even we were able to rebuild after the Great Depression.
We don't face threats nearly as insurmountable, but it is refreshing to know clearly what our task is and that our victory is assured as long as we have the will and determination to put forth the effort.
After all, the worst that THEY can do is to kill us. That is not as bad as the worst WE can do which is to not stand together as Progressive Democrats and as decent human beings for what we know in our hearts and our minds is right. We can only lose if we commit the ultimate betrayal and turn away from our very humanity. And if we fight and lose the battle we can stand proud and know we did all we could to make the war that much easier for those that come after us.
It will be a challenge, it will be a fight, but in years to come those kids will be grown up, and those that hate will be gone. The more they try and suppress what is human nature, the more what is good and decent will resist, and the more people of strong will and noble vision will stand up and fight: For our families, for our kids, for the environment, for human rights... for our future as a people. Progressive Democrats will succeed!