In the dark days after Tuesday, many of us have boycotted the news, talked of fraud and leaving the country. Not out of sour grapes, but from a real and physical pain in the pit of our stomachs. Myself and many of my friends found ourselves in need of inspiration. As a parent, you have the double edged sword of being fearful four your children's future, but sometimes they can sound pretty damn smart and capable of securing their own future too.
The following was an essay written by a twelfth grader sorely disappointed by being a hair too young to vote despite being active in the process for the first time. It was as perceptive to me as anything I've read about our country and made me feel a lot better in the aftermath. If there are enough like her in the next generation, maybe things won't be so bad after all...
A MAN IS A GOD IN RUINS
Last night the world ended. The minute I finally felt a twinge of hope for our future, enthusiasm for a possible change, my dreams were dashed and reality grasped me by the throat. Losing an election had never affected me like this before. I never felt this numb shock, this dull pain in my side, this fear for our future, before today, November 3rd, 2004. "If there is a God," I thought, "how could he possibly do this to us? Did I not pray hard enough? Is He angry because I don't actually believe He exists? Should I have converted on November 1st?" But President Bush's reelection has nothing to with divine intervention (although some would like to believe otherwise). He won because the American people voted for him. Our society wanted this Republican to protect us from terrorism, higher taxes and gay marriage, but I cannot comprehend their logic. I am isolated from the flux of my nation's values and opinions, yet despite my personal beliefs I will suffer for their choices. How can one pursue his own will, when society subjects him to its greater will? How can man's will change nature, when droughts and hurricanes are inevitable?
This was my first election. I was not conscious of the political realm during Reagan, Bush or Clinton's presidency, as I was busy playing with teddy bears, yoyos and make-up during those years. Even during the 2000 election, I had no concept of who the candidates were or what they stood for. But this year, I can finally call myself an informed citizen. I watched the democratic primaries; I read about the scandal at Abu Gareb prison; I laughed at Condoleeza Rice during the 9/11 Commission hearings; I sympathized with poor Dan Rather when he apologized for his forged document scandal; I held my breath during the presidential debates; and I stayed up till 3:00 on election night. I cared. But more importantly, I was sure that my opinions were right and America could not deny the validity of my beliefs. Why would an unemployed voter vote for a president who had lost the voter's job in the first place? Why would a mother vote for a president who had sent her son needlessly to war? I felt optimistic because I was sure that common sense was on my side. In Emerson's Nature, he asserts that "Nature always wears the colors of the spirit," and on November 2nd the day was beautiful. The air was crisp, the sun shone, and the autumn leaves finally started turning yellows and oranges. The beauty of that morning reflected my optimistic mood--I smelled change in the air.
I didn't even consider losing. I had faith that the thousands of newly registered voters, the increased awareness that a connection between Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden was false, and the abominable state of the economy assured Senator Kerry victory. As a citizen of Planet New York, I assumed that America would have the maturity to overlook issues like gay marriage, abortion and religion, as those things are irrelevant during times of war and economic depression. But I was very wrong. As the night approached morning, I realized that my faith in my country was naïve. I watched each state turn to red and my hope slowly weakened. Ohio cast the final blow. How could I have been so ignorant? Why did I let myself get my hopes up? According to Emerson, "Man unfixes the land and sea, makes them revolve around the axis of his primary thought, and disposes them anew." Emerson says that it is mankind's egocentricity that separates him from Nature; he can bend the world around him according to his Will. However, when man loses touch with nature and focuses only on his Will, he forgets the whole and can no longer look past the narrow chinks of his concern. And so I forgot the whole. I forgot that the South and the Midwest were part of American society, and they do not have the same rational that I do. As an atheist, pro-choice, pro-gay marriage Northerner, I cannot comprehend the beliefs of a zealous Southern Christian. I believe that I am right and he is wrong, but he just as fervently believes the opposite. Although Emerson advocates this pursuit of individual truths, we cannot lose context of each other's beliefs, otherwise we become too self-centered and ignorant. We must never forget that we all live together in a society. America has chosen, but I cried when Kerry conceded anyway.
I have become an activist over the past four years. I walked out of school with all of the students in Munich when the U.S. declared war on Iraq; I protested in New York after the Iraq War had lasted one year; I shouted outside the Republican Convention with a peace sign smeared on my cheek. I did not have the means to donate money to Kerry's campaign, nor the time to volunteer for him, but I made my voice heard and I screamed for what I believe in. Emerson says that "good thoughts are no better than good dreams, unless executed" and I agree, but I am not satisfied. Voting, protesting, volunteering are all assertion's of one's individual beliefs, however, we live in a society where an individual's beliefs cannot dictate his own life. Currently forty-nine percent of Americans are opposed to the current presidency, yet it is that two percent difference that will subject us to conservatism. Protesting can only do so much, thus our good thoughts can only remain good thoughts. If abortion is abolished, if gay marriage is abolished, there is nothing that an individual can do to prevent it.
Now our country is more polarized than it has ever been. It is only a matter of time until partisan riots break out and the streets of New York become lethal to any tourist with an accent. Regardless of how right liberals are or how right republicans are, we cannot subject one another to each other's will. We must give up unity in favor of free will. This is why "a man is a God in ruins." Because man has to follow his own beliefs and disregard those of others in order to be true to himself, he cannot be all-loving as the Lord is. Sure the Gandhis and Martin Luther King Jr.s of our world preached love towards their enemies, but they still considered the British and the white men their respective enemies. It is in man's nature to be divided--we have to have a ruler to keep order, a class-system to be free, ethnic clubs to promote integration. Emerson believes that "infancy is the perpetual Messiah, which comes into the arms of fallen men, and pleads with them to return to Paradise." His solution for our disunity is to unite in recognition of the Holy Spirit, but won't we lose our individuality by conforming to the same religion? If Jesus Christ showed up on the subway tomorrow, no one could state that God didn't exist, that the Bible was a fraud, therefore we would have to accept Christianity and forget our own beliefs. Must we forget ourselves for the sake of harmony?
A unified society is an impossible ideal. The individual has no control over society, yet he does have the ability to affect it. Just as man gives meaning to nature through Reason, man gives meaning to society. It is fruitless to try to understand nature without its relationship to man, as it is man that gives nature purpose. Likewise, one cannot study society without exploring its link to the individual. Emerson asserts that Spirit is the link between man and nature, and I believe that it is spirit that connects man to society as well. Man must explore the balance between the "me" and the "not me"; society is part of that "not me," thus part of nature. Mankind is nature and the individual is mankind. We can no longer differentiate between nature and man, society and the individual. I forgot society until November 2nd, 2004, but it has slapped me across the face, yelling "Wake up!" If I intend to change society, I have to be the change, not simply scream for change. I will not give up my beliefs, I will fight for them and if someone listens, the revolution will spread. Man may be a God in ruins, but I will celebrate our remains.