-
-
-
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour.
Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem.
He said, "don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!"
Sheila looks to her husband and says, "Mortey, you think it'll work?"
"Of course! Everybody knows Rudolph the Rab knows grain, dear!"
Happy Channuka, Channukah, Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanuko, Hannuka, Hannukah, Hanuka, Hanukah, Hanukkah, Kanukkah, Khannuka, Khannukah, Khanuka, Khanukah, Khanukkah, and Xanuka!!
Cheers and Jeers' One Year Anniversary Week continues in the Extended Copy section... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 7, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days `til Christmas: 18
Day's `til 2005: 25
Days since Bush promised to get Osama "dead or alive": 1176
(Source: Randi Rhodes Show)
Number of Christmas songs Frank Sinatra recorded: 21
Radio stations playing all Christmas music: 240
(Source: Time Magazine)
Days `til---[sound of distant jungle drums]---Michael's mother arrives: 3
Your Puppy Pic of the Day:
Oh, you're lactose intolerant? Second teat on the left--it's all soy: http://www.wirehairedvizsla.us/user/Tulip's%201st%20litter2_0004.jpg
CHEERS to bouncing back. Today marks the 63rd anniversary of Pearl Harbor. As a nation, we snapped out of it in the blink of an eye and it was all downhill for the Japs after that. The USS Arizona Preservation Project has eerie video tour of the wreckage, and some awesome photos: http://www.pastfoundation.org/Arizona/. We'll never forget.
JEERS to the mouse that roared. All those "hundreds of thousands" of complaints filed with the FCC over the moral rot that is network TV and commercial radio? Turns out the only letter that wasn't mass-produced off of a right-wing internet site came from an old lady in Topeka: http://www.mediaweek.com/mediaweek/headlines/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1000731656. I'm sure Michael Powell will be eager to start refunding all those bogus fines. As soon as we solve the nation's flying pig problem.
JEERS to the awful truth. He had to fess up eventually. Bush plans to mortgage the nation's house in order to give big bidness a fat, slobbery kiss in his planned Social Security overhaul: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=615&e=2&u=/nm/20041206/pl_nm/bush_social
security_dc. And since our kids will be paying for it, we suggest y'all start breeding a lot faster.
CHEERS to your first Hanukkah present. Paul Krugman makes an unexpected pit-stop on the New York Times op-ed page to push back: "Social Security is a government program that works, a demonstration that a modest amount of taxing and spending can make people's lives better and more secure. And that's why the right wants to destroy it":
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/07/opinion/07krugman.html?oref=login. He'll be back from his sabbatical next month---i.e. an eternity.
CHEERS to the Caped Crusader. Hamid Karzai was sworn in today as Afghanistan's first popularly-elected president. His first priorities: stop the narcotics trade and destroy the Taliban-backed insurgents. And then...lunch.
JEERS to the wrath of grape lovers. The Supreme Court will hear arguments today on the fairness of states (half of them, in fact) that bar out-of-state wine shipments: http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/judicial/2004-12-07-wine-scotus_x.htm. C&J has filed a 40-page amicus curiae brief on behalf of the plaintiffs. And the first two are actually legible.
CHEERS to great inventions. C&J didn't realize how old the microwave oven is--it was invented by Dr. Percy LeBaron Spencer of the GREAT STATE OF MAINE and patented on this date in 1945. We were going to use this as an opportunity to give a lecture on proper usage...but screw that, this is kewler: http://margo.student.utwente.nl/el/microwave/. Here, kitty kitty...
JEERS to religious pandering. Time Magazine's cover: "Secrets of the Nativity: Behind the First Noel!" Newsweek's cover: "The Birth of Jesus: From Mary to the Manger!" C&J is waiting for Drudge's big scoop: "Royal Outrage! Not-So-Wise Men suspected in Myrrh-Skimming Scheme! Indictments Imminent! Developing Hard!"
CHEERS to our boys in blue. Cub Scout Pack 1190 in Houston sent Hanukkah candles, menorahs and dreidles to help 150 Jewish soldiers celebrate Hanukkah in Iraq: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=533&e=7&u=/ap/20041206/ap_on_re_us/hanuk
kah_soldiers. Says Army Spc. Joseph Lowit: "I love kids and to know that Pack 1190 supports us was great. It really touched my heart." (Psst, Joe...pull the handle on the dreidl and it becomes a concussion grenade. Just in case.)
CHEERS to fractured fairy tales. Ukraine's likely future leader Viktor Yuschenko promises to tell the world exactly how the evil wizards turned him into a toad (Link courtesy of BOB's newswire): http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,11601462%255E28102,00.html. And then I want to hire them to do the same to Dick Cheney.
JEERS to Scrooge McDowd. What crawled up Maureen's butt and died? Why, it's the Christmas spirit: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/05/opinion/05dowd.html. Officially C&J is shocked(!!) at her assault on our values. (Off the record: We promise to punch Frosty's lights out if we see him first.)
CHEERS to December DVDs. Harry Knowles has the best preview of them all: http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=18943. Sure beats the crap out of the, uh, crap that's in theatres now.
JEERS to tax simplification. Tom Toles at the Washington Post has a sneak peak at your future 1040: http://www.ucomics.com/tomtoles/2004/11/26/. And just to be safe...better use two stamps.
JEERS to the smell of warm plastic. What's the matter with you people?? Twice as many U.S. households have fake Christmas trees in their homes as real ones, according to USA Today. Guess where those plastic needles come from? Petroleum. A very Saudi Christmas to you and your kin.
CHEERS to weekend venting. In the C&J mailbox yesterday: our tickets to see Daily Show ranter Lewis Black (http://c0rk.blogs.com/gr0undzer0/lewis_black.jpg) at Portland's State Theatre this Sunday. We hope he's in a bad mood...a really bad mood.
Cheers and Jeers 6-month Flashback: June 7, 2004...
CHEERS and...well...JEERS to Ronald Reagan. Click here to read yesterday's exclusive Gipper Legacy edition of C&J: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2004/6/6/14192/08434. So this is what it takes to bump a J-Lo marriage off the front pages.
CHEERS to The Daily Show. For 2nd year in a row, it gets Television Critics Association Award nomination for `Outstanding achievement in news and information,' along with `Meet the Press,' `60 Minutes,' `Nightline' and `Frontline.' Let's see...that's Comedy Central, NBC, CBS, ABC and PBS. Fox News's application must have gotten crumpled in the fax machine.
And just one more...
CHEERS to the evolution of authority: http://www.spicyhumor.com/pictures/the_evolution_of_authority.jpg The sooner we get to that final stage, the better (Condi Rice excepted).
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-