Dear frontpagers. I've been on this site a little while now, and it really bothers me how much you guys suck.
For starters, your writing style is different from what I like, which goes to show how you suck. Let me show you what good, concise writing looks like:
8:00PM [42] Happy Days -- The Fonz (Henry Winkler) teaches Richie (Ron Howard) some stuff about how chicks dig stuff. (R)
See that? Simple, to the point. Who, what, when, and what channel. So I don't know what kind of wierd-ass P.J. O'Rourke thing you think you have going, but let me make it clear: I'm a busy person. I have to drop comments on at least fifty diaries today, in addition to visiting lots of other sites, and I don't have time to read through each post. What do you think this is, one of those highbrow liberal magazines my dentist gets, with columns and table of contentses and stuff? I like to spend my time commenting, not reading, jerks.
I could almost deal with the fact that your writing sucks, but here's the kicker.
You have different opinions than me. You goddamn, backstabbing asswipes -- who the hell do you think you are? Nothing but Republican trolls, pure and simple. I didn't come here for differences of opinion, you opinion-having bastards.
OK, fine. I've now proven in front of everyone that all you guys are untalented trolls. But let's just take a look at your recent behavior, OK? I want to talk to you about Issue X.
First, you spend a month completely avoiding the issue. Every damn thread I go to, I ask for you to respond to me and my very specific complaint about how you guys suck, and you don't answer. You completely ignore me, like I'm some kind of antisocial jerk or something. I even go to threads that have nothing to do with issue X, and try and get you to respond.
Then -- get this -- you post a big long thing actually responding to me. You asswipes! Why the hell are you wasting my time with this stuff -- I want to hear news from you people, not this dumbass navel-gazing about the site. Honestly, what jerks you guys are.
To top it off, you include something called a "Bibliography". Now, I haven't needed a bib to help me eat for, like, twenty years, so I don't know what the point of that is, though I guess your going to use it to show some other stuff later in other posts. Yeah, whatever. But just so you know:
I know you guys think you're bigshots because you can throw around a lot of links. But I've been following Issue X for a month, and I didn't need to read anywhere near that much stuff in order to form my opinion. So not only are you guys really slow damn learners, but it looks to me that you're spending so much time reading evidence and stuff that, I gotta say, I've completely lapped you on this issue. It took me only a couple of diaries before I had my opinion set in stone -- what are you guys, retarded or something?
But don't you worry. At this exact moment, some other posters are collecting some evidence to show you. I'm not gonna help them with it, because evidence is for sissies, and because I have to comment on twenty other diaries before I go for dinner, but you just wait. They're gonna agree with everything I say, and nothing you say, and that'll show you damn sellouts.
Anyway, all of that is neither here nor there.
What I really wanted to talk to you about was Issue Y, which is now my new issue. Are you guys going to post something on the frontpage about it?
That'd be really great, thanks.