"The truth now appears to be that we're going to have to find a way to stay in," Dr. Dean, who has ruled out running as a third-party candidate, said in a news conference after blurting out his plans to remain in the race in interviews with television stations in Green Bay.
Dr. Dean said he "was unaware of making this decision" before announcing it. He explained that he often let choices "incubate unconsciously for a long time before I actually make a formal decision."
A Dean aide said the candidate had not discussed his change of heart in advance with anyone on his staff.
The above is quoted from the NY Times. It's actually better than anything I can make up.
Dr. Dean went on, "And the truth now also appears to be that we'll never have to drop out of this race. Well, not before Christmas, at least. And even after Christmas, we can fight on until next year's Iowa and New Hampshire primaries."
Frantically waving his hands at imaginary bats at the podium, Dr. Dean continued, "There seems to be some confusion in the Washington press core that this race is about the American people in some way. This race has always been about me and my supporters. Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean."
After a staff member informed Dr. Dean that the Iowa and New Hampshire primaries are not going to be held next year, Dr. Dean appeared to fall into a trance for several minutes before waking with a start. "Oh, sorry. Just doing some more unconcious incubating," Dean explained as he wiped drool from his mouth.
"The truth now appears to be that what is standing in the way of our campaign changing America is nothing less than the American voter. As a medical doctor, I am going to prepare commitment papers on the entire American electorate. A few years of institutionalization and electroshock should show the voters the one and only true path, which is me."
A Dean aide explained that the candidate had not explained his commitment plans with them ahead of announcing them. As the staffers realized the institutionalization plan would affect them, several were heard discussing emigrating to Canada.
After muttering incoherently for several minutes, Dean suddenly shouted, "The truth now appears to be that I am the walrus!"