People of Kos please vote for me.
I have come here today to announce my intention to run for the office of President of the United States of America.
Ladies and gentleman, the time has come for America to realize its true potential. It is time for government to retake its role as steward of the country. It is my solemn pledge to reframe the role of the United States government from that of corporate surrogate to that of citizen surrogate.
For too long we have watched idly as our country has been subverted by big business, unions, lobbyists, special interests of all kinds. No longer can we take pride in our government. No longer can we believe that politicians work for the common good. No longer can we believe that the constitution is the blueprint for our country, having been usurped by personal opinion, personal beliefs, and personal faiths.
Fellow Americans, we can no longer watch from the sidelines as America becomes a laughingstock to the rest of the world community. We can no longer run away from the multi-trillion dollar debt our past and present lawmakers have accrued. No longer can we abide half-billion dollar budget deficits. No longer can we give our jobs to China , Taiwan, and the Phillippines while millions here at home live in poverty, millions are unemployed and millions suffer through illness and injury because they have not the means to purchase comprehensive health insurance.
The world is watching and make no mistake they are laughing. For many years the US has interferred with emerging countries, emerging governments, emerging hope. We have loaned billions of dollars to countries who lack the means to repay them, yet instead of forgiving this debt we impose sanctions and embargos, thereby worsening their plight. The world laughs when we make demands of payment as America owes over 600 billion dollars to China, 150 billion to Japan, 150 billion to South Korea, billions more to the countries of Europe, billions more to Kuwait, billions more to Saudi Arabia. But do we make an effort to make good on our debts? The answer to that question is no. While we demand payment by others, we refuse requests for payments even as we continue to spend far more than we earn.
The world laughs as we engage in wars with defenseless nations who pose little or no threat to the United States, then lie, distort, and revise history in an attempt to make us the "good guy".
The world laughs as we bicker over abortion, gay marriage, and tax cuts even while millions of our citizens starve, freeze, and lose hope.
The world laughs as we call ourselves the "moral leader" of the industrialized world as they take note of our murder rate, hate crimes, rape statistics, theft and burglary rates, and our overflowing prison system.
The world laughs when they note that their children thrive in a fast paced educational system even as our children flounder through an educational system that is underfunded and uncaring.
Ladies and Gentleman, it is time for a change. But not a gentle change as the current candidates and incumbent President would suggest. We need rapid change. Dramatic change. Overwhelming change.
It is nice to dream of never having to pay taxes but the truth is we have to pay taxes in order to pay for our government. The days of billion dollar tax cuts is gone my friends. This country needs to increase the tax rates of every single American who earns over forty thousand dollars per year. Starting at forty thousand dollars taxes will increase according to annual income, with modest increases at the low end and larger increases for the wealthier end. This has nothing to do with big government. This country simply cannot continue accruing debt at the rate of one trillion dollars every two years. Deficit spending is not only irresponsible but it is dangerous; dangerous for domestic reasons and dangerous for foreign policy matters. Quite simply, the US has lost its credibility and at some point the rest of the world is going to close shut off the flow of loaned money.
We need to overhaul our health care system. It is no secret that this endeavor will cost money, but it is a moral necessity and of utmost urgency. The US government has the responsibility of taking care of all of its citizens, not just its wealthy citizens. Our elderly, our young, our servicemen and women who have shed blood, sweat, and tear for this country deserve to have health care in their youth and on through their twilight years. Income should prevent no man, woman, or child from receiving the best possible health care.
Furthermore, it is my intention to establish a Cabinet level position to regulate the insurance industry. Insurance companies have, over the years, proven that they are incapable of fairness, soundness, and responsibility. Every year your car insurance rate goes up, your health insurance premium goes up, your home, business and liability insurance goes up. Let me tell you, one industry is not going to control the bank accounts of an entire nation.
In addition the office of the Environmental Protection Agency is no longer going to be the unwanted stepchild of the government. The rules and laws governing the environment will be strictly enforced. Fines will be levied. Compliance will be mandatory. No longer will the citizens of the United States have to watch as their elected officials play a game of "chicken" with the future of the planet they will hand to their children.
Rest assured ladies and gentlmen I have much more to say and in the coming days and weeks my whole plan for America will be set before your eyes. But make no mistake, my policies are progressive and will not be received readily. However, the age of "hate" politics is at an end. The other candidates and the President himself can criticize, label, and try to assassinate what I stand for and the future America that I see. I say let them. Status quo has gotten us involved in a modern day Viet-nam. Status quo has seen our national debt rise from a few hundred million in the 1970's to over 7 trillion and counting. Status quo has seen our nation polarize and divide. Status quo has brought about the return of fascist like nationalism and a rise in ethnic, religious, and sexual hate crimes. Status quo has seen us breed hatred for America around the globe. Status quo has enable criminals to purchase weapons of destruction. Status quo has seen us fall from grace.
America has progressed because of our innovation, our resilience, our benevolance. It is long past the time of conservative ideals. To reemerge as the world leader America must embrace change, embrace the future, and reunite its citizenry and the nation.
This campaign can be defined by these words: "For OUR future change IS COMING."
My name is The Bloviator and I'm running for President of the United States of America.