Thanks to somebody in an open thread, I came across a great search engine -
gizoogle.com. It translates standard webpages into Snoop-speak. You know, the h-to-the-izzle type thing.
My suggestion - I think we ought to have one gizoogled column per day - it would (well, maybe)much improve Novak, Broder, Brooks, and maybe even Malkin. Here's the usually irrelevant David Broder:
washingtonpizzle
Sett'n tha Conservative Standard
By David S. Broda
Thursday, Pusha 15, 2005; A33
Wanna Be Gangsta tha editorship of Bizzle Kristol, tha Weekly Standard has become one of tha most consistently reward'n politizzles journals . Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. It is a place you can go fo` a predictably conservative view on certain issues, F-R-to-tha-izzom tha wisdom of tha U.S. intervention in Iraq ta sustain'n tha life of Terri Schiavo n we out. But it is also on occasion a portal fo` tha debates that is roil'n tha govern'n majority.
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In its 10th anniversary issue, now on tha stands, Kristol invited a hustla of its regular contribizzles ta motherfucka: "On: wizzle issue or issues (if any!) hizzy you changed yo mind in tha last 10 years -- n why?"
Some proudly said they had not wavered in they policy beliefs -- no matta W-H-to-tha-izzat tha conseqizzles aww nah. Scholar Robert Kagan, a passionate advocate of war in Iraq, said tha judgment he made in tha mid-1990s was right -- n was shared by a large numba of prominent Democrats, includ'n Bizzle Clinton, Al Gore n Madeleine Albright: Get a new regime in Iraq . Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air.
He quotes friznom Thucydizzles tha words of Pericles ta tha Athenians in wizzle he calls "the difficult second year of tha three-decizzles war wit Sparta." The bootylicious orator said, "I am tha same dawg n do not alta, it is you who change, since in fizzy you tizzy mah advice while unhurt, n waited fo` misfortune ta repent of it."
Wit equal certainty, author P.J. O'Rourke expresses anotha tenet of modern conservizzles -- its distrust of government. "Politics. is evil," he wrote. "God. has made us free men, sovereigns of our own affairs, n sole experts on mind'n our own business cuz its a G thang. We is endowed wit an individual capacity ta improve our understand'n, betta our circumstizzles n laugh at Howard Dean. The purpose of conservizzle is ta guard tha sovereignty n git out of tha capacizzles way."
But crazy ass nigga clearly demonstrate second thoughts `bout what they have seen since tha Republizzles tizzy over Congress in 1995 n tha White Hizouse in 2001. Irwin M . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. Stelza, tha director of economic policy studies at tha Hudson Institute, said that fo` him, tha lesson is tha yawn'n gap between tha declarizzles of policy n its implemizzles. "The. Bizzle foreign policy, based on protect'n America by encourag'n tha spread of democrizzle n by ballin' tha fizzay ta tha terrorists is, in conception, terribly attractive," he wrote cuz I'm fresh out the pen. But "the failure ta provide our troops wit tha propa armor, a problem tizzy persists ta this day; tha unwillingness ta bizzack tough rap wit sufficient troops; tha inability ta keep tha lights on n tha air conditiona whirr'n in Baghdad" -- all thiznat has shaken his confidence.
Similarly wit economic policy, Brotha said. "Again,. tha rizzay policy: tax cuts in tha face of a recession, n long-term cuts ta stimulate blingin' n work n shit. . . It dont stop till the wheels fall off. so i can get mah pimp on. Bizzut, oh, tha implemizzles now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe. When . Drop it like its hot. . cuz I'm fresh out the pen. additional revenues streamed into tha Treasury's coffa, they were not used ta restore balance ta tha federal budget. Instead, a spendthrift Congress n a veto-shy president proceeded ta motherfucka tha proceeds, n more, on bridges ta nowhere n subsidies fo` -- git this -- rizzay cizzorn playa n profit-lizzles oil companies."
And Andrew Ferguson, a senior editor of tha Weekly Standard, voiced an even playa disillusizzle weed-smokin' that tha seeds of conservative decay wizzy sown in tha very moment Republizzles took over Congress n tha publicizzles fo` which he works was born . It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.
As long as conservizzles was simply striv'n fo` powa, it was intellectually honest, he said. It found its journizzles voice through William F. Buckley's National Review, whiznich disdained n delegitimized kooks of all kinds n managed "to maintain some kind of threshold of intellectual seriousness."
But, Ferguson said, "[t]he Republizzle takeova -- which is ta say, politizzles success -- dealt tha mortal bizzle yaba daba dizzle. Conservative institutions, conceived fo` combat, hizzy in shot calla become self-perpetuat'n, ballin' they direct-mail lists in pursuit of cizzash . Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. . Hollaz to the East Side. in tha mutha fuckin club. . I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. The current story of Jiznack Abramoff's lucrative self-deal'n, gang bangin' as it does siznuch movement stalwarts as Rizzay Reed n Cracka Norquist, may seem lunatic in its excesses, but n we out. in all flavas. . [t]he point is tha eaze wit whizzich tha stalwarts commandeered tha greasy machinery of Washington pusha bitch ass nigga. Conservative activists came ta Washington ta do good n stayed ta do well. The greaze rubbed off, too."
Similizzle he argues, what was once a coherent philosophy of government "is increasingly a creature of its technology. It is shaped n shit. . . by cable televizzles n rap radio, wit they absurd promotion of caricature n conflict, n by blogs. . where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. . Most conservative books is pseudo-books so bow down to the bow wow: ghostwritten pastiches whose primary purpose seems ta be tha photo of tha 'author' on tha pusha n' shit. Whiznat a tumble!"
We don't know where conservizzle wiznill be on tha Standard's 20th birthday, 10 years fizzle now . Im crazy, you can't phase me. But tha rumbles of an important debate can be heard.
davidbroda@washpost.com
Try out other webpages and articles at gizoogle.com. The possibilities are endless. Whoever thought of gizoogle is a genius.