Every once in a while, I compile all the parody songs that I've afflicted the Kosmos with over the previous several months, and shove them into a diary.
Lucky you. Tonight's the night...
Songs for Tonite
1. 99 Telephones - Who's listening in...and what it might begin.
2. Working on the YKOS - Someone goes to YKOS, ends up wondering where the money went.
3. Life is A YKOS - tie-in to 'Crashing the Gate'. More about the DKOS experience, and why we're so FEISTY.
4. Thank Diebold I'm The Decider - Bush is very proud to be a Decider.
5. You're A Mean One, Reverend - Ode to Pat Robertson, Grinch that he is.
6. Let My Love Slam Shut The Door - For Closure, Political or Otherwise, When the Other Person Just. Won't. Get. Gone.
7. Bushies in Love - That Jackson Browne was a prophet. Learn every word, and understand.
8. March Together - I think I'd like you better, if...
9. (Take Me Home) Mojo Roads - Written to be a Cheers and Jeers anthem.
10. New Orlean to Major Bush - Sure wish he'd taken that last phone call before going to John McCain's birthday bash...
99 Telephones
You and I think we are free
As we converse so happily
Ne'er a thought for who might be
Listening for security.
Keeping tabs of who we call
From where, and when and just who long
How could that possibly be wrong?
99 telephones, that's all.
99 telephones
Ringing all the live-long day
Some have bells, some sing a song
Some take some calls that just must be wrong.
Listening ears just come to life
At the chance for party strife
It's the game that presidents play.
Find what those 99 phones just said.
99 Rules of law.
All of them tossed on the lawn.
The dissidents do fret and worry.
Get the troops out in a hurry.
This is what we've waited for.
Praise God! At last! It's civil war!
Time to lay it on the line
As 99 telephones just die.
99 B-2's will fly
Take out the traitors from on high
Everyone's a patriot.
So long as they keep their big mouths shut.
The media has zilch to say.
It sure looks like a real nice day!
Freedom's friends are put away.
As 99 phones just ring away.
99 laws we once had.
In every one a precious right
We talked a good game, sure was nice
Guess we simply had no fight.
If I could find just one more line.
Of what was once upon a time.
Then I could make just one more call
For freedom and justice for all....
Working on The YKOS
Thursday night's party night Kossacks on the scene
Vegas goin' apeshit you know just what I mean
Some heading for some politics some headin for the bar
Some think they're gonna to make it big; they'll prob'ly not get far.
I work for the man I do exactly what I must
I mark the time that passes while I'm waiting for the bus
The one that will be taking me far from any coast
We'll be rockin' with the peeps at Vegas Yearlykos
Working on the YKOS, play a little blackjack
Working on the YKOS, capping on the Pubbies
Working on the YKOS, that's a nachul fack, Jack.
Working on the YKOS, Working on the YKOS,
Was told I'd better hurry: Riviera's gettin' full
Was told I had free R&B. Too late! Boy, what a fool.
Well that's alright I like to be all close to the fun.
But everyone's so serious. Am I the only one?
Working on the YKOS...
Spent up all my money, had nothin' by Sunday
Seems a seminar or two just might have made my day
At least I have my plane ticket sittin' on the sill
Now I all I have to do, and stat, is pay my hotel bill...
Working on the YKOS...
...
Life is A YKOS
DKos is a road that you travel on
Where the new news comes and the old news goes
Sometimes you read, sometimes you skim
Sometimes you ask 'What's eatin' him?"
An answer to ev'ry question, too
Where the Reds can't hurt you anymore
Where the brave are free and spirits soar
Come on! Guess what? We've plenty more!
We won't hesitate
Crash through the rusty gate
No one's in a mood to wait...
Life is a YKOS
I wanna YKOS all night long
If you're going YKOS
I wanna YKOS all night long
Through all these cities and all these towns
It's in the air and it's all around
I love this land like I loved it then
The dark is past, this is the end
They let us down, they lied again
They've raised our blood
They've caused such pain
There's no sin they will not do
If it puts more chains on you
They let America down
They just let New Orleans drown
Tell 'em we survived anyway...
Life is a YKOS
I wanna YKOS all night long
If you're going YKOS
I wanna YKOS all night long
There was a distance 'tween the Red and Blues...
A misunderstanding once
But now there's nothing left to lose...
They let America down
They just let New Orleans drown
Tell 'em we survived anyway...
Life is a YKOS
I wanna YKOS all night long
If you're going YKOS
I wanna YKOS all night long
I Am Iraq (I Am An Island)
An autumns's day
In a deep and dark November;
I am on fire,
Gazing from my gunship to the streets below
On a freshly fallen field of bombs aglow.
I'm am Iraq,
I am an island.
I've declared war,
Because the spirit moved me,
And none may question me.
I have no need of allies; cause allies just betray.
It's peace and understanding I disdain.
I'm am Iraq,
I am an island.
Don't talk of proof,
I never required that before;
It's not important anymore.
I won't ever say say I'm sorry 'cause that simply isn't me.
It was always 'bout Iraqis being free.
I'm am Iraq,
I am an island.
I have my bombs
And my nuculars to protect me;
I am never ever wrong,
Hiding from the truth, recruiting loyal youth
Basking in their oaths of loyalty .
I'm am Iraq,
I am an island.
And Iraq feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
Thank Diebold I'm The Decider
'Cause it makes me that much creepier
Makes me work for world war speedier
The oil corps are much needier
Thanks, Diebold, I'm the Decider
Made me learn a little bit faster
But that's all now in past, sir,
You may now just call me 'master'
Thanks, Diebold, I'm the Decider
You're A Mean One, Reverend
You're a mean one, Reverend.
Now you finally at an end.
You're as pious as a cactus,
As forgiving as an eel.
Reverend:
You're a well-paid Pubbie shill
Who would steal the Last Meal.
You're a monster, Reverend.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of intrigues,
And you've long since sold your soul.
Reverend.
Perhaps not for some silver
But for thirty pieces of gold.
You're a vile one, Reverend.
You've demons behind your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Reverend.
Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crockodile.
You're a foul one, Reverend.
You're a hateful, evil man.
Your pray nonstop for megadeaths
True faith you cannot stand.
Reverend.
The three words that best defy you,
are, and I quote: "Son. of. Man."
Let My Love Slam Shut The Door
When people keep repeating
That it's over, so good-bye
When everybody keeps retreating
Why are they still lingering nigh?
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Get on out
When everything feels all over
But nobody gets the clue
I'll give you a four-leaf clover
If you'd just clear out of the room
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Truly this comes from the heart
When O please are we finally apart?
Try today, you'll find a way
Come on and give me a chance to say
Let my love slam shut the door
It's all I'm living for
Release yourself from misery
And while you're at it you will set me free
That's my love
That's my love
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Get on out
When tragedy befalls you
Don't try and bring me down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Let my love slam shut the door
Get on out
Bushies in Love
I can't keep up with Bush polls going down
I think that FoxNews must be slowing down
Among the GOP in their designer jeeps
What will it take to get the true-blue peeps
Fed up at long last with Bushies in love?
God sends his outcasts to America, the beautiful
They land at six o'clock and there we are, the gullible
Eating what TV says, these sure are happy days!
We're safe from terrah 'cause George Dubya saves
He's a god! they sigh: Bushies in love.
Last night I watched the news from Washington, the capital
The liberals escaped while we weren't watching them, like liberals will
Now we get all this flack, just 'cause we got Iraq
And I hear that the Vice-President is back on attack
It will be Fitzmas soon for Bushies in love
March Together
I got you organizing protests
Hanging round my neck
I got you twisted around your anger
Crying 'What the Heck?!'
The injustice!
The injustice!
We must end this injustice!
Darling how would it feel?
If we march together
will you like me better?
If we come together
Bush'll go down forever
If we march together
will I like you better?
If we come together
Prove it now or never
Make me an active person
Make me feel like I belong
Make me hard and activated
Make me beautiful
The injustice!
The injustice
We must end this injustice!
Darling how would it feel?
If we march together
will you like me better?
If we come together
Bush'll go down forever
If we march together
will I like you better?
If we come together
Prove it now or never
If we march together (demonstrate it to me, baby)
If we march together (in a righteous cause, baby)
If we march together (give me that justice now, baby)
If we march together (you sure drive me crazy, baby)
If we march together (save a bit for later, baby)
If we march together (I save it all for you, my baby)
If we march together
(Take Me Home) Mojo Roads
Almost trusted, strugglin' Kossack
Blue state campaigns, Always a "4" giver
Life is wild here, younger than the bees
Warnings of addiction, blowing in the breeze
Mojo Roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
Trusted User, kickin' trolls
Take me home, Mojo Roads
All my diaries, gather'd archives
Long-lost theses, unrequited honors
Had the answers, ready for review
Came the Dkos upgrade, Heck that just won't do
Mojo Roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
Trusted User, kickin' trolls
Take me home, Mojo Roads
I hear her voice, in the mornin' hours she calls to me
The mojo-fest reminds me of my home far a-way
And ratin' down the posts I get a feeling'
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday
Mojo Roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
Trusted User, kickin' trolls
Take me home, Mojo Roads
New Orleans to Major Bush
This is New Orleans to Major Bush
This is New Orleans to Major Bush
Shake the lead out, man, and get your "A" game on
New Orleans to Major Bush
Commencing meltdown, levee's done
You said you help us, else God's mercy be on you
(spoken)
Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One,
Liftoff
This is New Orleans to Major Bush
You've really made "F" grade
And the papers want to know whose flag you fly
Now that so many Americans have died
"This is Major Bush to New Orleans
I've just stepped out the door
Sorry I had some travel plans away
But no problem we'll fly over you today
From here
I've done everything okay
So my media says
Besides it's all them po folks' fault
What did you expect, hey?"
instrumental - guitar, if you hadn't guessed already
Though we're at twenty thousand lives lost
I'm feeling very cool.
And I think Mike Brown knows the way to go
I can say for sure, to me, that he's no fool.
New Orleans to Major Bush
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear us, Major Bush?
Can you hear us, Major Bush?
Can you hear us, Major Bush?
Can you....
From here
I cannot see a single thing wrong
So my media says
Besides it's the po folks' fault
What did you expect, hey?