From: Rhinehart
To: Steve Earle
Steve! Can I call you Steve? I hope so, because we have a few things in common. One of them, I guess, is that goofy-looking baritone guitar--I think it was a Neptune brand--the hardwood version of a Danelectro-- I saw hanging on your studio wall. You were being interviewed by somebody or other who was pissed about your John Walker Lindh song and all I could think was: what the hell is Steve Earle doing with that "baritone guitar*? Only people who I ever saw play one was Duane Eddy, Rick Danko, and that crazy guy with the Clash. I got one too--it's a Fender Bass VI and all it will sound cool with is bass line from the old
Checkmate theme song. But that's another story. I really want to talk about that new play of yours---Karla---about that born again Christian girl that George W. Bush let die a couple of years ago.
Anyhow, Steve, when you first did that song about John Walker Lindh, I knew you had more huevos than a truckload of
produce, so I know that play of yours,
Karla is gonna be a stunner. Not all of the New York cognoscenti has heard about Miss Karla Faye Tucker and it's time they did.
Now, I haven't seen the play yet, of course, but I'm guessing you based it on Beverly Lowry's book, "Crossed Over." It was a pretty good read, but for some reason I always wondered how much time Bev spent with Karla after that book came out. Of course, George Mason U. is a loooonnng way from Texas. But that's not why I'm writing.
The reason I AM writing is to talk a little about what your play is about.
Steve, this may seem like a Republican world, but I'll bet there are going to be a lot of people hacked at the president after they see that play of yours, about how that little Houston girl grew up hard, made a big dumb mistake while on drugs and then went on to turn herself around Jesus-wise while on Death Row. Lots of people I know down here in Texas thought she should have had her sentence commuted. Got outta Huntsville straightaway. Set free. Preachers from all over. Pat Robinson was one of them.
But not George W. Bush, of course---the one guy that mattered. Instead, Dubya puffed up and did his Terminator I routine---listened to Karla beg for her life before he turned her down cold. Then after she was executed, our boy went to New York and joked with some smart reporters about it. In a limo, yet.
Anyhow, preachers down here hate talking about that little episode, cause in the article the future Prez comes across like a jerk, says the F word a couple of times, and you know, jokes around and even mimics Karla begging for her life.
Nasty.
So, except for cartoon characters like SpongeDob and Grover the Norquist, stuff like what George W said in that limo makes real people question whether a vote for Republicans might be a vote for Beelzebub or something.
So, when the Hollywood suits come around (and they will), and you start working on a film treatment---consider this: Instead of having Karla, you know, die in the conventional sense--how about having her go to heaven where she meets The Almighty--Ray Wiley Hubbard would be perfect for the part---and The Almighty agrees with her that Dubya is, in fact, one mean peckerwood surrounded by a forest of mean peckerwoods, and the whole bunch needs some gentle but firm straigtening out.
And it's Karla's job to come back to earth-to help things along. So she goes back to haunt the Prez until he understands the consequences of his actions. Kind of like "Touched By An Angel" meets "Scrooge" in "The Fog."
Now, before you roll your eyes, I'd like to remind you that this plot line has worked before. Remember Flattop?
Flattop was one of those funny-looking bad guys in the old Dick Tracy comics. Meaner than a snake. But then one of his victims came back as a ghost--and haunted him until he became totally unhinged and did really stupid things in front of his friends.
So, in the movie, like Flattop, everywhere GW looks--there's Miss Karla Faye Tucker smiling back at him. Just like she did before he went thumbs down on her request to remain alive. The Presidential Shrinks are divided--is it the real Karla, or is Dubya developing a conscience and he doesn't know what it is?
The up side to all of this, is Dubya begins to consider the consequences of his actions for the very first time. Downside: As a result, he hides out under a rock somewhere near Waco, Texas and converses with talking farm animals wearing wire rimmed glasses. Kind of like a mean-spirited Babe the Pig.
When the farm animal is unable to fix things, the Prez attempts to make amends with his Creator---by nominating his old Sunday School squeeze to some high office. The Almighty just shakes his head in disbelief.
So Karla stays. Everywhere GW looks there's Karla looking back at him.
Before long our boy is a mess of tics, flubs, stutters, blinkers and floobers---batting his eyes 43 or 44 times a minute to try to make Karla vanish. Like that poor guy in the commercial who's own eyes start insulting him--he does extreme things to try to make it all go away. It gets so bad that even some conservative reporter over at the WAPO notice it. And WRITES about it!
Whats up with the Prez? He acts like he's seen a ghost.
Not long after that, voters see your play and begin to consider how GW condemned this born again Christian to death. Then maybe they start thinking about some of the other stuff he and his administration have done that wasn't so great. And before long, after his poll numbers get down in the fractional digits, and after the Talking Farm Animal and Scootie and Judie and Hadley and Dickie and Condie and Wilkie and Timmie and Tweety and Roachie and Brownie and Babsie and the Boltie the Vengeful Walrus and that nasty little Checkers XIX all have their own cages in the D.C. dog pound----then, Ray Wiley---excuse me, The Almighty-- can call down and say, "okay, Karla Hon. Your work down there is complete. Dub finally got his conscience, the bad guys are in the pokey and it's time to come home."
And I'll just bet the audience would stand up and cheer. I know I would.
Yer Fan,
Rhinehart
PS: Five bucks says the Prez won't be anywhere NEAR Bleeker Street anytime soon.