- Homeland Security reports that allegations of Miers' ongoing sexual harassment of Jeff Gannon in the Lincoln bedroom have been linked to a shadowy Al Qaeda Web site. A nervous White House awaits results of DNA tests on a cat o' nine tails found hidden behind the Lincoln portrait.
- On a party line vote, Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee ruled that Supreme Court nominees should not be required to answer questions phrased with any words that may be used in future cases appearing before the court.
- In strongly worded denial, a furious Miers dismissed accusations that Katherine Harris provided her with eyeliner application tips during the 2000 Florida recount.
- A new Fox News poll confirmed that the majority of Americans believe a vote against a war time president's Supreme Court nominee is equivalent to aiding and abetting the enemy, would prolong the war on terror and would increase the likelihood of future strikes on American soil.
- Miers insists, "I cleared brush on my free time" dispelling partisan claims that Bush maintained his ranch using high salaried White House staff to avoid paying day laborers.
- If Miers is confirmed, Ozzy Osbourne has reluctantly agreed to allow the new Supreme Court justice out of her contract for the highly anticipated Ozzy & Harriet reality show.
- Swift Boat Veterans for Truth plans to air a new television ad that claims to provide indisputable proof that Miers would have made a better swift boat captain then John Kerry
- The Miers confirmation hearings were postponed after a Long Dong Silver video left in a Supreme Court cloakroom was said to contain coded warnings of imminent attacks on the Senate Judiciary Committee.
- Miers pleads, "All those long dinner dates with Texas Supreme Court Justice Nathan L. Hecht surely have to count for something!"
- The Miers confirmation hearings were postponed once again after DC police closed the Washington Metro in response to a suspicious pubic hair encrusted Coke can that was found unattended on a station platform.
Cross-posted at ePluribus Media.