After being reassured by his wife and mama that Santa
didn't die earlier this year,
Dubya sat down with his crayons today and wrote a letter to Santa Claus...
A soon-to-be former senior Bush Administration official released the text of the letter to selected media insiders on "super-duper-pinkie swear-double top secret-blood brothers" background today. It reads:
Deer Santa:
I bin good. Onest! Don't believe those Democrats that are re-writin' history. You need to change the channel on the media who are out to get me too by blowin' stuff way out of perspiration. Geez -
it's not like I beheaded anyone or dropped Nukular bombs.
I'm reel tired after my world tour this month. I need a vacation. Everytime I try to go to the ranch, that mean Cindy Whatshername chick shows up and brings all those veterans with her. She's stalkin' me. I can't get no peace. I wouldn't have gotten through Thanksgiving yesterday but for that case of "special milk" that the Monogoloids gave me when I visited their country the other day.
Anyway, here's what I want you to get me for Christmas:
- A vacation hootch in Mongolia, so I can take some time off.
- A REAL dog like Clinton had, that I can play fetch with in front of the tv cameras. These damned little yippie dogs that I got can't even hold a tennis ball in their tiny lil yaps.
- A signet ring that people can kneel and kiss when they greet me - and I can use it to put wax seals on important stuff that Dick is always makin' me sign.
- A coat of arms, unique to my
reign term, that can be put on all White House stuff. I shouldn't have to keep using that worn out presidential emblem on stuff
- A new red leather outfit and whip for Condi - she's already got several in black. M-EEEE-YOW!
Thanks in advance. I'll tell Dick to increase your oil royalties for next year if you come through for me, Santa.
W