It really is as bad as we think it is out there in the culture wars. And the most vulnerable victims? The nation's teenagers all across the land who are being subject to the Bush administration's federally-funded abstinence-only sex education curriculum.
For your consideration, below the fold are some truly terrifying representations of modern life, as seen by the developers of the curriculum and exposed by Rep. Henry Waxman in his report on the program. The kind folks at Harper's highlighted these particularly special excerpts, under the title "Blue Balls for the Red States."
At one time the definition of an adult was someone who had left childhood behind and taken on the responsibilities of life. In contrast, today "adult" means being able to view and participate in any and all types of perverse activities that depraved minds can imagine. We actively seek to eliminate terrorism from our land; please help us actively seek to eliminate this corruptive terrorism that is stealing our children's future.
Translation? The entertainment industry, the publishing industry, your older sibling who's shacked up with his/her significant other--terrorists. They're terrorists who are trying to make you have sex before you're ready.
Circle the item(s) that can be totally eliminated through the use of a condom: infertility, isolation, jealousy, poverty, heartbreak, pregnancy, AIDS, substance abuse, genital herpes, unstable long-term commitments, meaningless wedding, distrust of others, sexual violence, cervical cancer, personal disappointment, feelings of being used, pelvic inflammatory disease, loss of reputation, suicide.
Now cross out the item(s) that can be eliminated by being abstinent until marriage.
I don't even know what to say about that one. But wait, it gets better when we start finding out about what really goes on between men and women.
Females have the uncanny ability to remember the most insignificant details about past experiences. This terrifies the average male. The loaded question "Do you remember when . . . " sends many an unsuspecting guy into a cold sweat. Men tend to be more tuned in to what is happening today and what needs to be done for a secure future.
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While a man needs little or no preparation for sex, a woman often needs hours of emotional and mental preparation.
5 Major Needs of Women:
Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment
5 Major Needs of Men:
Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Admiration, Domestic Support
There's so much more. (Including the information that the biology teachers will love--"The newly developing person from conception until about eight weeks is called an embryo. Fetus is the technical term the unborn child is called from about eight weeks until birth. Most people just say 'baby' or 'unborn child.'" Most people? Which most people?) But I'll leave you with this lovely little parable about what men really want (and don't want) from the women in their lives.
Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armor, ready to rescue a maiden and slay a dragon. When a man feels trusted, he is free to be the strong, protecting man he longs to be.
Imagine a knight traveling through the countryside. He hears a princess in distress and rushes gallantly to slay the dragon. The princess calls out, "I think this noose will work better!" and throws him a rope. As she tells him how to use the noose, the knight obliges her and kills the dragon. Everyone is happy, except the knight, who doesn't feel like a hero. He is depressed and feels unsure of himself. He would have preferred to use his own sword.
The knight goes on another trip. The princess reminds him to take the noose. The knight hears another maiden in distress. He remembers how he used to feel before he met the princess; with a surge of confidence, he slays the dragon with his sword. All the townspeople rejoice, and the knight is a hero. He never returned to the princess. Instead, he lived happily ever after in the village, and eventually married the maiden--but only after making sure she knew nothing about nooses.
Moral of the story: Occasional assistance may be all right, but too much will lessen a man's confidence or even turn him away from his princess.
My moral of the story? Hang on to your nooses, girls. You're going to need them and know how to use them with all these damned fickle knights out there.