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From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 21, 2004: State of the Union fallout
CHEERS to Bush recognition of our coalition partners in Iraq war: Without Denmark, Rwanda, Solomon Islands, and El Salvador, who knows what our death toll would be by now? By the way, have those Moroccan monkeys found any landmines yet?
JEERS to "weapons-of-mass-destruction-related program activities." Y'know...bake sales, raffles, epaulet-polishing workshops. The stuff over which wars are fought.
JEERS to Dick Cheney. His party wants gay people---including the product of his own loins, daughter Mary---to scurry back into the shadows. And yet he stood and applauded---his hands making a moist splut-splot sound---when Bush announced support for anti-gay amendment. Now we know who wears the pants in your marriage, sir: George W. Bush.
JEERS to Nancy Pelosi. Democratic response lacked passion, authority, vision. And that makeup! Did you think it was a practice run on public access?
JEERS to Tom Daschle. See above.
CHEERS to New England Patriots. Whooooo! QB Tom Brady makes it all the way to the State of the Union! But pouring cooler of Gatorade over first lady was a little much.
CHEERS to the Dean "Yeeeeeaahhhhhhrrrrrr!" heard round the world. A moment of genuine...of genuine... Okay, I got nothin'---it made the children cry and probably killed his campaign. But for the record: the photos reveal NO---repeat, NO vein poppage.
JEERS to Michael Moore. Love ya, man, but that letter to Dean supporters is condescension to the Nth degree. Tell ya what: you back your candidate and we'll...kick your ample ass. (But I'll be first in line to see your next flick, you sexy beast.)
CHEERS to Herbert Hoover. 31st president hasn't got this much buzz since his death in '64. But comparison to George W. Bush job loss is just cruel---at least Herb went on to invent the vacuum cleaner. Pay your respects here: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=pif&GRid=498&PIgrid=498&PIcrid=640629&
pt=Herbert+Hoover&ShowCemPhotos=Y&
CHEERS to fat people. U.S. government and its food lobby blocks World Health Organization plan to promote healthy eating habits. Stay out of my refrigerator, you FOREIGNERS. And yes, I WOULD like fries with that...as soon as you get that defibrillator out of my face.
JEERS to cell phones. Voted most hated device in our lives in MIT survey. Can you hear me now? Good, considering I just shoved that #!#%$ thing up your butt. (And with a built-in camera, I can even see your polyps!)
CHEERS to Molly's 3rd birthday. You could say there are better dogs in the world than my chocolate Labrador retriever, but I like to think that lying is something you don't do. But damn it's hard sticking a birthday candle in a tennis ball...
What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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