'Twas the month before Christmas, and at Fox News Land
O'Reilly was scheming, hatching a plan;
There was bad news for Bush, he had to distract them
So this required some quite unscrupulous action.
He thought and he thought about some demonstration
That would make the folks angry, all over the nation.
He schemed and he planned, and then cackled with glee,
His plot was so clear now, it was easy to see!
The old Christmas was one where peace was held dear,
My new Christmas is built on anger and fear!
I know what my old wicked plots have all lacked,
I'll tell them that Christmas is under attack!
(more under the fold)
"But how will you do that?", his minions did say,
"Who would believe that, not this holiday?"
"My viewers are sheep, and they will obey,"
"They think what I tell them, they believe what I say!"
Yes, O'Reilly could not let holiday cheer
Spread over the land, oh, no not this year.
For if goodwill to men were to happen to day,
He'd be out of a job, and there he would stay.
When out from the TV there arose such great bile,
I sprang from the couch, it seemed like a mile.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But some cable news dreck, so dull and so drear.
With a withered old pundit, so mean and so awful,
I knew it was someone who liked the falafel.
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them some names;
"It's Christmas not Hannukah, not Solstice not Yule!
Your Holiday Greetings don't please me, you fool!
They're trying to Christmas out of the mall!
Now just obey! just obey! just obey all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roofa
The prancing and pawing of each little loofa
But for all of his paronoid holiday fictions,
There were too many strange contradictions.
He offered for sale, on his own web site
Gifts with the word "Christmas" nowhere in sight.
He spun and he span, and stared to bend,
"Christmas," he said, "is all about that we should spend!
It's not important that holiday season,
The word you use matters, no matter the reason!"
I shook my head slowly, and then changed the station,
O'Reilly had need of a long vacation.
Call it Christmas, or Hannukah, Solstice or Yule,
It doesn't matter, unless your a fool.
So to all of you reading this poetic mishmash,
Happy Holidays or have a Merry Christmas.