I don't generally make a point of going to church on Ash Wednesday. But I went yesterday because I was scheduled to do a reading. So that makes two years in a row. Last Ash Wednesday was the day I was officially received into the Episcopal Church. I've been thinking about this again recently--why it was that I made a decision to do something official. With a bishop presiding, with his official bishop hat and Little Bo Peep staff (okay, miter and crozier).
...gotta love the internet. I was trying to put into words why that was an important moment to me--one worthy of ceremony--and I realized I could just find what I wrote that day. My own words last Ash Wednesday:
One reason this feels significant to me right now, is that it feels good to be saying "yes" to something--especially faced with the knowledge that in November I will have to settle for saying "no" to Bush rather than "yes" to my candidate of choice.
Another connection I see (that's a thing about me, even if it's off topic, I will still find some thread of connection!) is that I like saying "yes" to the church that stood up for Bishop Robinson. I have often said that one of the things that first drew me to Howard Dean was that he had the courage to speak up for what was right, even when it was not popular. That is also what earned my loyalty.
Now that the church has taken a stand for an openly gay bishop, as well as for allowing some sort of blessing of same sex unions, it is taking all sorts of flak for it. Some want to break ties with the church. I like that, in addition to the reason I described above, I can also think of tonight as a "my vote is my voice" moment in which I stand with those who did the right thing even when it was unpopular.
So, here we are almost a year later. I dutifully said no to Bush by voting for Kerry in November. It now appears (I take nothing for granted) that Howard Dean will be elected chair of the DNC on Saturday. Is that good news? Does it really mean that enough people in the party are welcoming true change and reform? In my mind, it's too soon to tell.
I'm just not a big "joiner", I guess. And I have a hard time with "unity" that doesn't feel completely voluntary and sincere. For the short term, I understand that that was what we had to do once Kerry was the nominee and the only real chance of getting Bush out of office. But I'm done with the unity thing for now. For now, I plan to watch to see which groups and people are doing the right thing. So, to the DNC, if I see that you are doing good things that help make our country and our world a healthier and more caring place, you will have my support. But you can't take it for granted.