Septic Tank had a little diary about the
Politics of the Penis Pump, and I wanted to jump in and just sort of muse on some things. Because this diary will probably quickly disappear, and because I don't diary that often, I will absolve my conscience of the guilt I might otherwise feel for diary'ing something so apartisan, noninformational, and without solutions offered to some of the poorly formed questions I will pose.
I joined a sex site. I am now an underground anthropologist for women, and for the straights (a la John Waters).
I was bored, lonely, blue, and hungry for some attention. What better way to do that, than to join a website? Search folks within 25 miles of me, who match my sexual preferences and desires, and no wasting time about "I just want to meet someone nice." No, no, I want someone hot, fast, and discreet. More points if I can use big words with you (but not necessary).
Anyway, one faceless nude shot later, I'm getting the emails. Crazy responses. As a woman, I get a lot more responses than men do (obviously). So far I've had 2 offers to be, basically, a live-in good time girl, and one other, straight-up proposition for prostitution.
But the thing that blows me away, is how MARRIED so many of them are. What the hell? What is going on here? I've never been married, I don't know. But so many of them have profiles like, "I love my wife but she's not doing it for me in the bedroom. I love my kids and I'm not looking to mess that up. Looking for a discreet woman to have fun with. Email me at...." And so on. I've had a couple clergy contact me, too, which, if they had been Catholic priests, I'd be all for it, because hey, better me than the little boys. Prostestant clergy, though, they're married, and that does bother me. God is infinite in his forgiveness and so it doesn't bother me to help a priest break his vow, but wives are another story and I ain't messin' with them.
Anyway, all of the sexual loneliness and angst out there has kind of been getting to me, and I think I may decide to end the field research for my... uh... project, and just return to meeting men the normal, face-to-face way.
Now, I am single, and always have been. I'm also older; I'm 29. I live in a part of the country where people get married YOUNG, like out-of-school, still-in-college (if they go) young. So many of the married people on the site are obviously in search of something, something they probably didn't know that they wanted when they were 21, or maybe they did but just couldn't articulate it.
Sex is very, very powerful. A lot of people are afraid of it. But if it's not addressed openly, if you're ashamed of it, it's going to come out anyway, in ways that have the potential of destroying you and the lives of the people you care about. Or, you know, you could invade non-belligerent foreign countries and jeopardize national security to please your mistress at the World Bank. Little things like that.
The other thing is, how mundane and common so much of the so-called "kinkiness" is. Ho hum, you want to tie me up and make me take it? You and 75% of the other guys on this site.
It has all just come to make me so, so sad. I joined as a lark but now it's just getting me down. Not the coldness of it--there are plenty of people on there who seem nice and cool and like they'd be fun to have a beer with--but just the loneliness and isolation and shame that means that such sites even have to exist.
Being easy is not necessarily feminist, but something's going on, and the focus on identity politics and controlling the sexuality of those who are not straight men, would seem to indicate that that "something" is going on with a whole lot of people.
So: my question:
Is it hot in here, baby, or is it just me?