As I mentioned a couple of days ago on Cheers and Jeers, I've been feeling really overwhelmed, scared, and generally shitty the past few weeks. It has felt as if there's been one damn thing after another from this administration and its adherents. I don't need to go through the list: I'm sure we could all come up with a multitude of events that have felt icky.
I've been aware that there is a part of America that wants to tie us to a Christian fundamentalism for 25 years now. I became aware of them in 1980, when I was 17, and I watched the Republican party in Washington state get taken over by Pat Robertson's followers.
During the Clinton years, I believed that things would settle down. I didn't think Bill was a perfect president, and I'll probably never forgive him for the Welfare Reform Act, or our failure to intercede in Rwanda, but the fact is, I didn't feel under attack all the time. Personally, as a white woman, I felt okay.
Now, I find myself in a position where my stress response is on high alert. I literally feel an undercurrent of fear/high alertness--in other words, a rush of adrenaline--that makes it difficult for me to relax. I'm scared for my daughters. I'm scared for my gay friends. I'm scared for my African-American friends. I'm scared for a lot of us.
Certain friends think that what we are seeing right now is the last gasp of a dying system. That the Theocons are the last remnants of a system that is fading away. Others think we're on the verge of revolution; that these people won't be reasoned with. That we can't fight them legislatively. That the only thing that is going to make sense is to take to the streets. Other friends have made arrangements to get out of the country.
And so, tonight, for some reason, I feel a little better, and in feeling better, am willing to admit that I'm afraid. I'm looking for ways to pace myself, to keep myself energized to continue to fight the good fight, without burning out, stressing out, shutting down like an overloaded circuit breaker.
What I'm hoping for here is some dialogue. How are you coping? What gives you hope? How do you deal with your rage? When is it time to walk away and take a break? Do you have experience, strength and hope to share with me about what we're doing? Perhaps we can talk to one another, draw strength from one another. I could use that tonight. Anyone else?
[UPDATE}You guys totally rock! I was blown away by the willingness to help lift me back up after I fell down. I love this community. I have printed out all of your suggestions. I hope that we all continue to support each other this way in the future. KEEP THE FAITH!