This might be the dumbest thing I have ever done, but I'm serious about not being afraid to stand up for my friends and who I am. I'm so scared right now about creating this dairy, but I think it's time for it. This is who I am and I do not regret being TRANSGENDER.
My name is Jason Spurlock, I am transgender and I'm only 23. I'm not the smartest of people, but I do have TWO very dear friends to me that I care about a great deal. It's been a year since both of them were here last in Dallas. Before I go on about myself I want to introduce my friend.
She goes by the name of Maggie and is currently transsexual. Maggie will never see her dream of becoming the women she wants to be because she doesn't make enough money to have the sex change operation. She is currently living with a roommate who is natural female and understands who she is.
The reason I am introducing my friend is because she is important in me being who I am. Maggie is putting herself through heck for her friend and roommate so that they will not loose the house. The roommate she is with has two kids that she is raising and without Maggie they wouldn't be able to afford the house.
Maggie was also fired a good while back from a metermaid job because her only crime was doing her job to well. A person who didn't like that she gave them a ticket rose stink. He/She had connections with the city and they fire Maggie after prompting her for doing a good job. Maggie does have a new job as of now and is still fighting to help her roommate keep the house.
Another friend I want to introduce you too is Jenna she is a big influence on both Maggie and I. Jenna works a job she doesn't like with the fear that if the company finds out she is a transsexual they may fire her just for being who she is. A battle was raised were she works about her having long hair. Normally the part of long hair might not mean much to people, but for Jenna the long hair meant everything she has worked toward on becoming who she is inside.
Jenna's biggest dream in life is to be a mother. She so badly wants to feel what it is like to have life inside her. Because of her being transsexual she will never get the chance to carry a baby. Seeing her pain is one reason I decided not to go on hormone therapy. It is also because of Jenna's desire I think to be a mother that my female self found a safe place and a home to be.
Jenna is sort of a mother to me because she tries to be there and listen. If I didn't have her in my life I would have never found the courage to dress for the very first time. She helped me last year around new years become my female self for the first time. Our first trip together was a very special one and proof that strangers can become family.
It was a three day trip in Texas were my mother and I meet in real life for the very first time. The trip came about because my mother was in need of a vacation because she was out of work and stressed out. I was the one who came up with the idea of me meeting her.
This is were things got a little scary because I had my dad drive me down there and he didn't know the reason for the trip. I told him that some of my friends from college that I had meet were getting together and doing a little new years party. I wasn't strong enough to tell him that John was a dear friend who is Transsexual and we are going to spend the weekend together. I also had not told my parents that I was transgender just yet.
I know it was a bad risk to take, but our trust had grown and I just wanted to do something to help Jenna be able to relax and have a vacation even if it was in the place she lived. This is also just how we are a support group for each other who truly cares about the other. My mother received one important gift that trip and that was a daughter who truly loves her and sees her as a mother. My Gift to her was a locket shaped in a heart that says mother on it so she would know our hearts will always be together.
I know I could leave this email off here and it might be touching, but our life doesn't end with just one simple meeting. That was the start of everything and what lead up to Maggie, my mother, a friend from New York, and I meeting together in June of last year. When we were together it was true friendship and family being together. Nobody tried to rip one another off and the only thing we fought about was our 5am wake up call from our friend from New York.
Jenna and I don't dress in female clothing when we go out. Maggie and our friend from New York does because they are basically living the best they can as females. I wasn't for sure how they would be treated in Dallas, but everything seemed to go OK. The only problem we had was at IHOP were Maggie thought someone was about to out her for who she was, but it turned out instead our waitress thought Maggie reminded her of the girl who stole her husband.
My friends mean the world to me because they are my family. They are also my reason for living and being who I am. Without them I might have taken suicide as a route of dealing with my problems. I may be able to live in this world easier then they are, but I can't just sit back and watch people take away their very right to life. I'm willing to stand up and protect my family because all I want to see is a world were they can live happy in too.
My life truly doesn't matter, but to my friends it does. They also respected the fact that I'm going to stay male even though I'm transgender because the only way I will change my sex is if I could pass full time as female and if I could become pregnate. Through middle school and high school I was picked on very badly. It was at this time and place that I came very close to killing myself. I still remember holding the knife to my heart and not having the power to push it through.
I recently told my parents that I am transgender. My greatest fear was that they would kick me out or place blame on themselves for me being who I am. They have accepted me, but I think one of the reasons they did accept me is because I am not changing. My mom found it hard to believe that I was born like this because I showed none of the normal signs to indicate my female side. My dad accepted it and I've told him about my friends and let him know what I'm up to in order to be safe.
I don't know what I can do, but I want to leave my last words here in this letter as saying I want to make a safer world for my family to live. Maggie and Jenna will always be my family because they gave me the gift of love and the courage to be myself.