Nothing delights a Kossack more than another story about our favorite "Conservative Guy," faux journalist, faux ex-Marine but genuine male prostitute and professional liar and poseur James Dale Guckert. Nothing more, that is, excepting perhaps a story which, if confirmed, may blow the doors off of the White House, and reveal the most damaging implications of giving prostitutes and self-aggrandizing nutjobs 24/7 access to the White House. Gotcha interested? Read on, Macduff!
Let me start by saying that this diary doesn't pretend to be Gospel Truth: it recounts some information an acquaintance sent to me over the weekend. It may be true, it may not, but since Kossacks did such a great job uncovering "Jeff Gannon's" true identity and background, perhaps we can ask questions necessary to prove or disprove the allegations below.
The essential claims are attributed to something called TBR News, and the crux of them is as follows. We all know that Guckert is a male prostitute who seems to be on cozy terms with McClellan, Rove, and the Chimpinator hisself. We know, too, that the White House under Bush seems to have been a kind of Gay Hooker Roach Motel, what with Jimmy often "checking in" for the day but without "checking out." What was Little Jimmy doing whilst not tossin' Scottie those bigger'n any grapefruit softball questions during the press briefings?
Well, we all imagine of course that "Jeff" was relieving the tensions of one or more of the worthies responsible for looting the U.S. Treasury, starting wars of aggression, having the women of Merka felt up at airports, and shredding the Constitution. Likely so. But TBR News' allegations are, or ought to be, more explosive.
Thanks to Richard Clarke and Condi Rice, we all know what the "Presidential Daily Briefing" or "PDB" is. We know, too, that since the PDB is so critical to framing national security issues for the Scumbag-in-Chief, control over it is jealously coveted and was lately transferred from the Director of Central Intelligence to the bloodstained John "Death Squads Johnny" Negroponte.
According to TBR News, in March 2005 foreign sources tipped the CIA that highly sensitive information was being passed by an American to countries not friendly to the United States. One such unfriendly country was North Korea. Another, Pakistan, is nominally "friendly," due to the precarious grasp of General Musharraf on the reins of government, but as is well-known the powerful military security organs of Pakistan are heavily infested with fire-breathing Islamist fundies.
Reportedly, the CIA quickly traced at least some of the leaked information to the PDB, because "some of the contrived, or tarted up, news contained in it was included in the intercepts." This presented the CIA with the relatively easy task of finding the source of the information, as circulation of the PDB is extremely limited. The CIA also undertook to determine the dates from which the stolen information had been lifted.
According to TBR News, the person giving information purloined from the PDR was none other than Edward J. von Kloberg III, 63, a Washington lobbyist and flamboyant gay man much detested by the U.S. intelligence community, largely because his client list, even by Washington standards, was singularly odious. Perhaps you noticed von Kloberg's name in the papers in the past few days, because on May 1st he jumped, fell, or was assisted by, well, you can speculate as well as I can, from a 100 foot high wall of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome. The death was bien sur ruled a suicide, attributed to health issues and trouble with von Kloberg's "main squeeze," a Lithuanian gent residing in Rome.
Before taking flight, von Kloberg (a/k/a Washington's "Lobbyist to the Damned") represented (among others) Saddam Hussein, Nicolae Ceausescu, Liberia's Samuel Doe, and "Le Guide," former Zairean dictator Mobutu Sese Seko. Reportedly, he was recently close to both the government of Pakistan, and to the Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il of North Korea. He was a fixture at formal dinners, the most exclusive Washington clubs and so forth, decked out in formal wear often embellished with a cape, and was said to have "known," in many cases in the Biblical sense of that term, many of Washington, D.C.'s myriad closet queen movers `n' shakers. According to TBR News, one of the gay men who gravitated to the late lamented Mr. von Kloberg was our esteemed Conservative Guy.
According to the TBR News report, the frantic CIA investigation into the frightful leaks turned up no connection between von Kloberg and anyone within the CIA with access to the preparation of the PDBs. The dates of the leaked PDBs were determined, and the focus shifted to White House personnel who might have had access to the documents. "No links could be established," TBR says, "until an astute, and bitter, Secret Service agent . . . suggested that one might check the dates on which certain outsiders were in the White House. It was then found that the dates of one outsider coincided exactly with the dates of the leaked top level intelligence."
TBR, disavowing (as should we all) the ambition to meet with the lamentable fate of Mr. von Kloberg, coyly declines to name the person alleged to have been found to have connections to von Kloberg, and to have been in the White House on the dates that PDB intelligence was leaked. "This individual," however, no longer has access to the top leadership of the country . . . but he was and currently is viewed by many in official Washington as a present and future menace to national security. It was plausibly postulated that this individual had passed whispered pillow talk on to the notorious von Kloberg in an attempt to impress the latter with both his knowledge and connections. Von Kloberg in turn was passing this knowledge to his clients in exchange for money and political influence." Doh.
Your diarist, let it be noted, has no suicidal urges, and is philosophically opposed to the very idea of suicide. I repeat, moreover, that all of the above comes from a source of unknown reliability, but the White House meanderings and sleepovers of (as they say in the Harry Potter books) "He Who Must Not Be Named" appear to be matters of record, and the "suicide" of von Kloberg was reported elsewhere. Certainly, I think Scottie, Karl, and the Conservative Guy have definitely got some `splainin' to do. What say ye, Kossacks?