"It was so weird," said one bystander. "Once second the President was there, talking. Then he paused, even longer than usual. And then, all of a sudden there was this - popping sound, like a sudden rush of air, and all that was left was some sort of empty hole on top of his neck."
Secret Service men rushed frantically around the podium for the President's missing head for three hours, but could find no sign of the First Head.
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"It's all my fault," said a visibly shaken Karl Rove. "The simulator told us he couldn't say it, but he thought he could handle it..." Rove was quickly rushed out of the room. The Secret Service then proceeded to confiscate all video cameras.
An anonymous reporter was able to sneak footage out. What appears is shaky and difficult to fully ascertain, but it appears the President's head collapsed in a formation now identified by quantum psychologists as a "Neuron Star".
"In this syndrome," explained a since-discredited European anti-patriotic secular scumbag physicist, "the brain begins to collapse under the constant extra strain of thinking in black and white, and then in addition sincerely believing that black is white.
"If the brain is of rather low capacity to begin with, it will behave like as an ordinary star. In the first phase, the person's head will swell to extreme size, while at the same time becoming colder. In the next phase, the neurons will collapse upon themselves, and the person's head will become exceedingly dense, and thought will have great difficulty escaping. If the person's brain is dense enough, it will continue to shrink until it completely implodes, and becomes an infinitely small hole in the fabric of mind which no thought can escape.
"In this phase, the imploded mind can then wander around and gobble up other thoughts and even other entire minds, as it grows in negative mass before it ultimately collapses completely, and disappears."
The physicist examined his notes, and gave an embarassed cough. "From a study of President Bush's cabinet, it's difficult to tell if this has happened to them or not."
After some confusion, Scott McClellan stepped over to the podium, and requested that the Press Corp continue to direct their questions to the space above the President's still-visible neck.
When asked for precedents for a headless president retaining executive power, McClellan responded "9/11 changed everything."
The press was initially thrown off by the lack of answers, but then proceeded to make up their own, which appeared to be more satisfying. "Certainly, his explanations are much better now," admitted one reporter. "And I no longer have to disable the grammar-checking option in my word processor."
Vice President Cheney was unavailable for comment, although the reporter indicates growling was heard before the line was disconnected.
Update:
Ouijaboy provides further Presidential physics background:
Beware the Presidential Schwartzchild radius
Most of the media have already achieved singularity.
As a reporter approaches Bush's "head" (let's call it Sol X-1), he feels perfectly normal, though his thoughts are stretching out and bending toward the president.
At the point of no return, the reporter's thoughts are so long he can actually understand them in reverse (i.e. "seeing" the back of one's head). Thus statements such as "We...discussed the importance of a democracy in the greater Middle East in order to leave behind a peaceful tomorrow" become logically consistent.
But this is only momentary, and there is no possibility of escape. The only way to go is into the singularity itself, where his thoughts become one with the president.
The reporter has made the ultimate sacrifice. I like to think, however, that this is a timeless journey, and at the final moment he will know - though he cannot share it with the rest of us - the answer to some of life's most persistent questions (e.g. "Is our children learning?").
The reporter vanishes without a trace. As outside observers, all we have left to remind us of his presence is a fading image, at the Schwartzchild radius, of the reporter...and a tagline: WASHINGTON (AP).