He'll be making the Inaugural Keynote Address to the College Republicans on Friday at their convention in VA right outside DC. I offer him some pointers that I really hope he'll use. Read on cuz...well...the terrorists win if you don't, ok? Then get yourself over to http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/ to see where you too can meet up this weekend to shame the Repubs into joining the Army where let's face it, they'll do a lot less damage to this country. We need folks at the Crystal Gateway Marriott Arlington, Virginia June 24-26 to help get them to enlist and we'd like to hold a bake sale to buy the troops armor too.
Dear Congressman Delay,
It was refreshing to hear you speak about our progress in Iraq today. With all the doom and gloom coming from the Demorats and quislings like Walter B. Jones (can't you muzzle him?) and Chuck Hegel (is he related to that commie friend of Karl Marx or what?) we need our real leaders like yourself to speak up for the President's war in Iraq.
But I write today about a real problem that needs rectifying. It seems our Army Recruiting Command has missed it's targets for four months running. In May we missed by 25% even though we lowered the bar from over 8000 to 6700 new enlistees. The head of the Reserves said in December his command is becoming a "broken force". I didn't want to believe these things when a creepy Demorat told me about them and was fully prepared to lash out at him as the traitor he is but I looked it up and it's true! We have a recruiting crisis! Generals are saying we may have to reinstitute the draft. Even that Mr. baldy, Joe Biden has been talking about it like it makes him a real man or something. We don't want that cuz President Bush says so.
You sir, I humbly submit are in a prime position to help. No, no, no, I'm not asking you to re-enlist! I'm sure you did your duty back in the Vietcong days when all those hippy punks were getting draft deferments and sitting around smoking pot. Did you know that they even had a protest at Tulane back in the bad old days because the school admministration wouldn't let the school paper publish nudey pictures? What kind of nuts would do that? I'm sure glad we've changed things for the better now that our people are in charge. You don't even see their slutty girls wearing miniskirts anymore! I hope you'll get rid of all that icky pornography on the internet and cable tv next. I can hardly turn on my computer these days without seeing some pretty girl taking off her clothes!
Ok, I'm back, had to take a bathroom break. Anyhoo here's what I hope you'll help the President with. I understand you'll be speaking at the College Republican Nat'l. Committee on Friday. It would be a big help if you would tell them how wonderful Army life was for you. Even if you were in the Navy or something play up the Army angle because the Navy doesn't need men, it's the Army that's in trouble. I'm sure some Army guy would help you with the lingo if you're rusty. Now I've visited the CRNC website over the last week and while I see a lot links to jobs at quality institutions like the Heritage Foundation and Newt Gingrich's thingie I didn't see one link to any military recruiting site at all. Not one! I wrote them 4 emails since last Thursday hoping to get them to fix this oversight but they don't answer me. I even wrote to President Bush and Vice President Cheney yesterday but they may be way too busy personalizing Social Security or something to drop them a line.
Here's some helpful pointers you might incorporate into your speech. I saw part of this Frontline special on my stupid PBS station last night. I only watched because I wanted to see pictures of our troops fighting in Iraq. It was mostly full of anti-American propaganda as you might expect from those latte sipping jerks but there was one fascinating part. They showed all the amenities available to our troops at Camp Anaconda in Iraq. I was stunned! They have movie theaters, video games, workout gyms, even dancehalls where you can dance on salsa! Sounds messy but kind of cool if you think about it. Here's the part that really got to me. The Marine Colonel in charge says they pay KBR Hallibuton Food Services $20 per serving feeding the troops! They get lobster thermador, chicken cordon bleu, lattes and 3 different flavors of ice cream! With all the sprinkles!!! And it's all free to our soldiers! That's got to be better than eating at some of our better college cafeterias, even Dartmouth! Now I know college Republicans don't have to worry about getting enough to eat. But I'll bet to some of the kids who've lived on tuna surprise and cheetohs all school year long while arguing with Demorats and their socialist professors getting a big helping of lobster thermador for breakfast and killing Arabs all the livelong day will sound pretty good. Doncha think? Maybe it's just me, I do have a little "tummy" problem, but boy oh boy if I could go I'd do it just for the food! And well of course the patriotic duty of hunting down and killing the islamofacists who flew airplanes into the Twin Towers.
Anyway I have to run, all this talk about food is making me hungry, ha ha! But seriously Mr. Delay I hope you'll do a little bragging about the Army to our best and brightest on Friday. We need them to refill the ranks of the fallen. Too many brave patriots have been blown to smithereens in Iraq looking for those WMDs, finding Saddam, and making the Iraqis into small "d" democrats to stop
now. Thanks for your time and I hope you'll post the transcript of your speech on your website. I'm sure it'll be doozy.
A TrueBlue Patriot,
Mark Garrity