First.
I am a man. "Women's issues" don't necessarily take precedence over every other progressive issue for me. I think a lot of Kos' abortion-related diaries have been unfairly branded as misogynistic. And I couldn't have cared less about the pie ad.
Even though I'm not part of the "women's studies set", I found Kos' initial response to the ad complaints to be as asinine as nearly everyone else, and I was glad to see him back off.
But.
I think his apology, where he tried to limit his criticism to "a small, extremist set looking for signs of female subjugation under every rock", really exposes the underlying problem here.
Because I do consider myself a part of that set.
(more below)
Like racism, the subjugation of women is a pervasive part of our society -- so much so that it becomes hard for many of us to see. And if you can't see it, the people who keep pointing everywhere saying, "There it is! There it is!", seem borderline psychotic. And that's the way Kos is treating them.
If you can see it, and someone like Kos starts treating you like you're mentally disturbed, you naturally assume he's intentionally taking part in your subjugation -- and you fight back. And obviously this gives rise to a vicious cycle.
So let's try to break the cycle. Let's all give each other the benefit of the doubt on this.
Kos, and most of those echoing him, are not misogynists -- they're just blind to much of the misogyny around them. Calling them misogynists gives them a first-hand example of your mistakenly seeing misogyny where there is none, which causes them to dismiss the rest of your claims. This is not the way to open their eyes.
And those who side with Kos need to stop dismissing issues they don't understand. If otherwise sane people start going off on something in a way that doesn't make sense to you, don't attack them -- ask for an explanation and take it seriously.