The monkey being Candidate Schmidt's campaign manager,
Joe "Spanky" Braun. What I'm saying is: Is it not our Christian (or moral equivalent) duty to go door-to-door and warn our Republican friends about Schmidt's side-kick's
kick-ass kinkyness?
After all, don't they believe that UNNATURAL NOOKY causes hurricanes, earthquakes, and tidal waves; not to mention flag burning, gun control, and (this being Cincinnati) negroes?
Should they not be warned that, if Schmidt's dungeon master gets close to the seats (hmmm) of power, God will pull down his protective shield and let in more 9/11's (hmmm, hmmm, hmmm)?
This is NOT being judgmental. It's common courtesy. After all, what if you saw a Hindu friend about to chow down on a Big Mac?
(I mean Big Mac the burger, not the porn star--which normally goes without saying, but when one enters the realm of the
GOP libido...). Or what if you saw a Jewish or Moslem friend about to nosh a ham-wich? Would you not feel morally obligated to call out "Cease, my friend! Thy immortal soul is in dire peril (according to thine own personal belief system)!"
So why do we not reach out to our KKKristian friends and warn them they are about to vote for a lady whose campaign manager is a whips-n-chainian; which will totally annoy God (according their own belief system).
"But wait," you say. "It is Schmidt, not Braun, who is running for Congress."
Yes, but may I point out:
- Schmidt really really really looks like the female warden character in a 1950's women-in-prison bondage movie. Sure, that doesn't PROVE anything, but I'm just saying...
- Think hard. Were there any gay-married terrorists running against Bush in the last election? Think harder. Right--NONE. Yet that didn't stop Bush from running against THEM. So let's run against Mr. Spanky McWhipbottom.
- Why not!
Thanks!
P.S.
To the first ten persons who respond starting with the words "I do not think it is fair of you to make fun of...,": Please go to your nearest novelty store and buy yourself one of those beanie/propeller hats. Also Elmers Glue and some glitter. And write the words "humor impaired" in big sparkly letters on your forehead--I mean on the forehead part of the beanie. What the hell. Write it on your damn forehead.