Sometimes, it might be nice to live in Bush's world for a little while. You know, not having to take personal responsibility. Ever. And rarely getting called on it. So this morning I began imagining just what that must be like. Please indulge me as I depart from my usual meanderings and offer instead a cheesy and ill advised bit of drama titled "
(Ross, looking relaxed and carefree, strolls into an office which is in an obvious state of chaos.)
Boss: You're just strolling in? Do you even know what time it is? Your clients got here three hours ago, and they nearly walked out. The rest of the team has been scrambling to cover your ass, and it's probably not going to work.
Me: Listen, boss, I understand you and the rest of the team are upset and I sympathize with what you are going through. But now is not the time for fingerpointing. We've got to work together to meet this great challenge.
Boss: We only have this "great challenge" because you blew it and...
Me: Now, huh, we can talk about who is to blame and "incompetence" again, or we can go get that client. Now, I understand not everyone loves this company the way I do. And I understand some people would rather play the blame game than try to address our needs on the ground. But that's just what our competitors want us to do. They want to undermine our resolve. It's going to take hard work. It's gonna be hard.
Boss: Hey I love this company, too!
(later that same day)
Boss: Now that everything is settled and we lost the client, we need to discuss your job performance of late.
Me: Sure, we could look to assign blame. But the time for fingerpointing is over. You're either with this company or you're against it. Now, I understand not everyone wants this company to succeed like I do. So, are you with me?
Boss: Yes! Yes! I'm with you!
(early evening that same day, scene switched to a car by the side of a road)
Police Officer: License and registration please ... Okay, Ross, do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because you hate freedom?
Police Officer: You were doing 80 down a side street. The wrong way. In a school zone.
Me: Now officer, we can discuss how fast I was going, or in what "direction," but there will be time all for that later. Right now we have to worry about the school children and the crazy drivers who put them at risk. I understand some people want to use this to attack me and that for them politics is more important than protecting these kids. But we've got to make helping the children our fist priority.
Police Officer: Yes sir, Ross sir! And I just want to thank you for visiting my patrol area. I really support what you're doing.
Me: Carry on.
(Later that evening, Ross, looking disheveled, walks in through a door to a room where a woman appears to be waiting)
Me: Honey, you look beautiful.
Girlfriend: Don't give me that shit. You blew off our anniversary again. We had dinner reservations at eight and you - (stops to sniff the air) - is that women's perfume I smell?
Me: Now honey -
Girlfriend: Women's perfume? And I've been looking through our bank statements while I had nothing better to do. Gambling? There's nothing left! When were you planning on telling me?
Me: Now honey, we can talk about the other women or gambling debts or my alcohol problems -
Girlfriend: I didn't say anything about alcohol --
Me: Well then why did you bring it up? Look, I understand the trauma you've been through and I want to help. I have a plan. Resources have been marshaled. But these things take time. Now, I've scheduled a conference call for the morning. I've been assured by the maitre d' that our reservations were held as long as possible. I'm gonna find out what went wrong there -
Girlfriend: Trauma? Excuse me but the only trauma in my life is you.
Me: Politicizing this is not going to help anyone. We've got to put such petty differences aside and work together. I'm confident we can do that. Now, I talked to the maitre d', and we're gonna figure out what went wrong there and we're going to fix it. I think everyone in this relationship needs to put their differences aside and work together to help the victims.
Girlfriend: Well you do seem committed.
Me: I've never been more committed in my life. The question is are you committed? Are you willing to put aside these petty differences so we can help the victims?
Girlfriend: Yes, I'm with you. I'm sorry, and I just want to thank you for being so supportive and marshallings all those resources and all.
From It Affects You