I'm sure everyone knows about the court battle this coming week, between morons -- er, I mean, Christian Conservatives -- and educators and scientists.
The issue, of course, is about whether Intelligent Design "theory" (note the quotes) should be taught in public schools alongside the Theory of Evolution.
But what you may not be aware of is another ongoing battle, pitting "Parent Theorists" against "Santa Claus Theorists."
Read more below.
September 25, 2005 WASHINGTON - The Senate majority leader, Bill Frist, aligned himself with President Bush today when he said that Santa Claus Theory should be taught along with Parent Theory in public schools.
Teaching Santa Claus Theory as well as Parent Theory "doesn't force any particular theory on anyone," Senator Frist, Republican of Tennessee, said in Nashville, according to The Associated Press. "I think in a pluralistic society that is the fairest way to go about education and training people for the future."
A Washington spokesman for the senator, Nick Smith, said afterward that The A.P. had reported Mr. Frist's comments accurately.
Parent Theory states that the gifts that children receive on Christmas morning each year are in fact gifts from the child's parents. The scientific community points out that this theory is backed up with evidence, such as receipts from toy stores, testimony from store clerks, etc.
Santa Claus Theory, however, maintains that a mythical grandfather-type figure who goes by the name "Santa Claus" comes down the chimney each Christmas Eve night while children are sleeping, and delivers toys to "good" girls and boys. The theory goes on to state that this person lives in a magic toy-making factory at the north pole, populated by elves.
Critics say that Santa Claus theorists are trying to supplant science with religious beliefs.
Recently, President Bush disagreed, sparking a debate that has been raging now for several weeks. The debate has now escalated with Senator Frist publicly standing behind the President's views.
"Look, the fact is, there is evidence backing Santa Claus Theory," the President stated on August 2nd. "On Christmas morning, there are toys under the tree. Where did they come from? There is obviously a higher power of some sort at work there. It is much too complicated of a process."
Bush continued, "These Parent Theorists would actually have us believe that parents are not only shopping for Christmas gifts, but also taking the time to wrap them, and then sneak them under the tree after the kids go to bed on Christmas Eve. Ridiculous."
Yesterday, Senator Frist agreed. "Not only is believing in Santa Claus simpler, but to not believe robs children of the magic and wonder of Christmas."
The senator's view, expressed today after a speech at a Rotary Club meeting, echoed President Bush's remarks on Aug. 2, when he told a group of Texas newspaper reporters that he favored teaching both Santa Claus Theory and Parent Theory "so people can understand what the debate is about."
Mr. Frist's agreement with President Bush on one of the more contentious educational, social and political issues of the time comes just a few weeks after he broke with the president and with Christian conservatives on another hot topic, embryonic stem cell research.
Senator Frist is widely assumed to be contemplating a run for the presidency in 2008, so his statements on issues that touch on moral as well as political questions are sure to be scrutinized, by Christian conservatives essential to a Republican candidacy and by people looking for signals that Mr. Frist is willing to move toward the center.
"With both the President and Senator Frist endorsing Santa Claus Theory, at the very least it makes Americans who have that position more respectable, for lack of a better phrase,'' said Gary Bauer, a Christian conservative leader. "It's not some backwater view. It's a view held by the majority of Americans, especially Americans under 10 years of age."
Senator Frist agreed. "Look, the fact is that with that many people believing in Santa Claus Theory, it has to be right."
Frist went on to say that without Santa Claus Theory, children in America have no moral foundation on which to base their behavior. "If children stop believing in Santa Claus, how will they know right from wrong, and how will their parents control them?"
For those who demand evidence, Frist admonished, "Just have faith. Faith will see you through."
"I think today a pluralistic society should have access to a broad range of fact, of science, including faith," Frist said.
Read The Martian Anthropologist blog.