As you may know, Jack Abramoff's dad, Frank, went after George Clooney for his Golden Globes crack. The text of his angry letter is
here.
The essence of it is that Clooney is indicative of just how crass Hollywood has become since the days of Bogart and Gable. He gives Clooney a guilt trip over making Jack's daughter cry. Ol' Frank even throws in a "one day the truth about my son will come out..." for good measure. Read it if you want a good laugh.
But, every once in a while, I like someone to show a little humility. I like to remind a person that, when your kid's fucked up as bad as Jackie has, it might be wise to show some fucking contrition and take your medicine.
So I wrote Frank a letter of my own.
Dear Frank Abramoff:
The fact that you would invoke the names of Clark Gable and Humphrey Bogart in order to chastise George Clooney proves just how oblivious you are to the current state of our nation.
It is a country in which the rampant flow of lies and crooked money have driven a sizeable majority of us - not just the Hollywood elite - to pine for a good stiff drink and to indulge the urge to take a lazy potshot at someone who is, strangely enough, the poster-child for lies and crooked money.
You see, Gable and Bogart didn't make cracks about lobbyists because, in their day, no lobbyist had attained a level of infamy sufficient to merit an ounce of their time. So, really, the biggest difference between then and now is not George Clooney, but a new breed of criminals like your son.
Spare us the delusional admonitions about some phantom "truth" that might one day surface regarding your son. I mean, it's not as if he's simply under investigation, a possible victim of false accusations. No, sir. He pled guilty. And if any exonerating "truth" were within his grasp, one might assume that he would have offered it as proof of his innocence.
Well, he didn't. And now he's going to prison.
So please stop defending the indefensible and start showing the sort of quiet contrition this nation deserves from the father of a man whose dirty money has destroyed the public trust and allowed sweatshop barons to work children to their deaths. Believe me, there's not an actor in the world smart enough to heap more shame on the name Abramoff than your son already has.