It has been said that you can never really know a man until you know his dreams. Back in the days before the Great Depression, Americans got to know the dreams of the humble traveling hobo in the iconic American folk song, "Big Rock Candy Mountains" recently re-popularized in the film O Brother, Where art thou. The song described a hobo's paradise: an idyllic land where the cops are slow, the booze flows like water, and the cigarettes grow on trees. It was a land of sunshine and leisure.
But these were simple men with simple dreams. Is it possible to capture the hopes and aspirations of say a modern world leader or a titan of industry as was done with our happy hobo from yesteryear? What kind of song would, say, Dick Cheney sing?
Well, thanks to a source close to the VP, we may have just discovered it. According to this source, Mr. Cheney has, of late, been singing a new tune. Apparently, a number of White House aides and staffers have recently overheard the Veep singing this song - most passionately during his morning constitutional, or while thumbing through president's daily briefing. On a whim, said source hastily scribbled down the lyrics to this curious song (sung to the tune of "Big Rock Candy Mountains") and it has begun to make its way around the blogosphere. I think you will find it as revealing and disturbing as I did.
For me, only one question remains: are these words the ramblings of an increasingly paranoid and delusional mind, or are they a portent of something far more sinister? I'll leave it for you to decide.
So cue up track 2 on your "O Brother..." soundtrack, and follow me as we take a journey into the shadowy and enigmatic mind of Richard Cheney in...
Cheney's Ditty
One evening as the sun went down and the oil fires were burning,
Down the hall came a' Cheney smirking, and he said, "Boys I'm not turning.
I'm headed for a land that's near at hand, where there's no more Liberty.
So come with me, we'll go and see the Big Bucks Oligarchy.
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy, my crapper's plated gold
And everyone with colored skin is rounded up and sold.
The preachers all are crooked, every judge is on the take
And the womenfolk stay in the house all day
And spread their legs in a timely way
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy.
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy, the pardons are built right in,
And you can walk right out of jail as soon as you go in.
The laws are made for losers, not guys like you and me.
We can wipe our ass with the middle class,
Rob `em blind and get a pass
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy.
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy, we can snort blow all night long,
Get naked in the hot tub, and fire up the bong.
We've got Porter on a keg-stand, and Malkin passed out on the lawn.
Jeff Gannon's in the back turnin' tricks
And half the hookers are sporting dicks
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy.
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy, we're on a killing spree.
We're gonna burn this stinking planet down in the name of Democracy.
But it's just a Noble Lie to make us filthy rich
We've bombed Iraq and the Taliban
We'll nuke those fascist Iranians
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy.
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy, we love ourselves some sin,
`Cause we turn it into stacks of cash, and turn it back again.
You can lie and cheat and steal, break laws with impunity,
Kill Muslims, blacks, and Mexicans,
Trannys, fags, and lesbians,
Or, better yet, you can torture them
And its OK (if you're a Republican!)
In the Big Bucks Oligarchy.
I'll see you all this coming fall in the Big Bucks Oligarchy."
Disturbing.