I came to Israel as everyone does, in the middle of a conflict. Saddam Hussein had decided to try to draw Israel into war, and Scud's were being fired. The air raid sirens became normal to me, as was the wearing of gas masks. A grim reality for a five year old, but the reality one comes to so often.
When I have visited again, there always was some conflict. The intifada making every cafe visit, trip to the mall, or bus ride a possible death sentence.The trips to the North, beautiful, but with an enemy just on the other side. In time spent there I developed a stiff upper lip and a definite non chalance. In a country born of war, in constant conflict with the world around it, a grim defiance is what one must live with.
When I first came for my latest return visit, it was centered around hope. Sure Hamas had won an election, and Qassam rockets were falling on Southern Israel, but it was still better then before the Gaza pull-out. Likud was dead, and a more moderate Kadima had risen from the ashes. A Center-Left goverment had formed, and talk of a disengagement in the west bank was brewing. Then it all fell apart.
It was perhaps a lesson in isolationism. Yet we wanted to move on with our lives, to not live with constant war and fear. To not deal with a partner that had so often failed us. We were out of Southern Lebanon, Gaza, and talk was that the West Bank would soon be mostly out of our hands. No more soldiers home in body bags, a wall to separate us from the militants running loose on the other side. It was hope, it was something I had not had since the death of Yitzhak Rabin.
In the urge to be left alone, we had ignored Hezbollahs northern incursions. We had ignored the rockets, the rising hatred, the re-arming of Gaza and fortification of Lebanon. This did not last, in the end it all unraveled quickly.
I had been to Haifa and Nahariya, and left for Tel-Aviv on Tuesday night. The soldiers were taken, the rockets came, and finally we could ignore the North. It was a repeat of Gaza two weeks before.
Even in Tel-Aviv there was unease. The papers told us of a Hezbollah rocket that could reach even as far south as this city. The isolation was broken, and while people continued on with their daily lives, that determination was back.
On further consideration, it is clear to me that our previous attitude had failed. The hope of disengagement, of isolationism gone. We enter a new era, which I dub post-post-disengagement when we realize we cannot separate our enemies with walls, fences, or withdrawals. That we must have a real peace, not a tolerable conflict.