Five years after 9/11, and we are deep in it, and going deeper.
Five years after Pearl Harbor, WWII had already been over for a 1 year, 3 months, 23 days.
So what if the Republicans had been in charge during WWII?
- On December 7, 1941, Herbert Hoover gives a rousing speech and pledges that the Japanese will be punished. He immediately cuts taxes on the top 1%.
- A month later, Hoover gives a second speech, explaining it is time for the Pearl Harbor-ites to stop complaining and pull themselves up by their own bootstraps; and there should be no unwarranted action without sufficient time for average Americans to divest themselves of their Japanese stock portfolios.
- Two weeks later Hoover gives unbid contracts to General Motors to build horse transports. "You go to war with the cavalry you have," Hoover explains.
- A month later, Japan takes the Aleutian islands and most of Alaska. Republicans blame Woodrow Wilson and the League of Nations.
- A month later, Japan takes Hawaii. Hoover explains that losing Hawaii and Alaska actually makes the U.S. safer, although not safe, and if a Democratic President is elected, the Japanese will kill your mommy. Meanwwhile, Standard Oil receives a tax break to help them move their offices to Argentina.
- A week later, German forces take Maine. Hoover explains that there are different theories on whether Maine was ever actually a U.S. state and he puts all U.S. government maps off-limits to the public. He also conjectures that Maine being German may be part of a natural cycle.
- A month later, American Armed forces invade Brazil. Hoover dismisses rumors that the decision had something to do with Senator Taft, R-OH, owning transport ships in the Caribbean. "We do not want a warning shot in the form of a banana boat," Hoover explains somewhat cryptically.
- A year later, while still refusing to raise taxes to pay for troops and equipment, the Republicans sell Florida to Cuba, and add the words "under God" to the pledge.
- Cut to the present. The U.S. has long ago ceased to exist except for the protectorate of Puerto Rico, which was saved only because no one knew exactly how to surrender what is not part of the U.S. proper. Herbert Hoover's, great grandson, Emperor Herbert Hoover the IV, insists that, despite setbacks, the United States is safer every year, although still not safe; and he expects brighter days ahead as soon as they implement a new program to fund the U.S. military by the use of individual troop savings accounts.