Hi there. Many of you might've seen mah resume when I ran for re-SElection in 2004, and I'm proud to say I've added to the looooonnnng list of mah "complishments" since then. Now my helpers in the Congress are runnin' for re-election this year and I want you to keep in mind what they've helped me do in the last 6 years when ya go to vote in November.
Resume of George W. Bush
BY: GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20520
EDUCATION:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.
LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.
By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas , in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of Texas
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS :
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S . "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public
energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
I am a member of the Republican Party.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
Seriously man - these are some seriously fucked up people we're talkin' about here. If we don't hang Junior around the neck of every one of his enablers running for re-election this year then we'll have missed a golden opportunity. And I'm not just talking about congressional races - anyone with an "R" after his or her name has got to be tied in with this bunch of crooks.
The record's out there... all we have to do is put it on the turntable, drop the needle down and spin that player at full volume. Tell it like it is and we can't possibly lose this year.
If you notice any glaring holes in Junior's list of accomplishments - such as torture, the dismantling of our Constitution, warrentless spying on American citizens... - please feel free to add them in the comments below. I'm betting we'll come up with a mighty impressive - actually make that frightening list.
UPDATE
If you haven't seen enough in the above list, consider this... Congress will probably be voting on a bill tomorrow (H.R. 4844) that will require people to show ID provnig that they're American citizens. Not sure about you all, but my driver's license doesn't mention my citizenship so that means... (drum roll please)
that each and every one of us will be blocked from voting UNLESS we bring a valid and current passport.
How many of you have one of those? Hmmmmmmm?
This bill has passed out of committee on a party line vote, and is ready to go to the House floor for a vote on Wednesday.
So what should we do? That's right! We call our Representatives at 202-224-3121 and tell them to VOTE NO when this bill comes up for a vote tomorrow.