My partner Steve and I got engaged in February of 2003, after a whirlwind courtship. He chose the perfect venue to propose; on the back cover of my favorite comic book, Carla Speed McNeil's
Finder.
The surprise of seeing the proposal on the back cover of
Finder #30 was dented somewhat, because folks on the
GayLeague.com mailing list started buzzing about it before I saw the issue. (My fault for not getting my comics right away on Wednesday every single time!) I wasn't quite sure how I would react when I saw the proposal; I'd broken off a long-term relationship the previous year, and didn't know if I was ready to settle down.
Of course, I was a giddy, lovestruck fool when I saw the cover, and was running around the shop showing it to everyone. I called Steve right away and said yes, then called my best friend and told her the good news. She responded by telling me that she had gotten engaged that very week as well. Since she's the best friend that led to my being nicknamed "Zan" a decade ago (after the Superfriends' Zan and Jayna, "The Wonder Twins") the timing was perfect.
Steve and I were optimistic that the tide was turning, with the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision and all, and thought that it would only be a matter of time before we would be able to get married and have it carry the same legal rights and responsibilities as other marriages. We figured we could have a long engagement and wait it out.
In the meantime, we pursued getting our union as close to a legal marriage as possible, and got a lawyer to draft us power of attorney documents, living wills and... well, dead wills, I guess. We still don't have a way to file join taxes or make each other Social Security beneficiaries, so it's not a complete solution. My employer provides domestic partner benefits, which is great, but I have to pay taxes on it (benefits for spouses are not taxed).
We had to spend about $1000 to get this stuff taken care of, which we wouldn't have had to do if we could legally marry. And there's stil no guarantee that, should any family members decide to contest it, it will hold up. We're pretty close with each other's families, so hopefully that won't be a problem.
Our optimism was severely deflated when the Washington Supreme Court decided that Washington's "defense of marriage act" doesn't violate the state's constitution. The court decided that the legislature probably had "some reason" for denying same-sex couples equal marriage rights, though they weren't too concerned with investigating whether those reasons were sound. As a result, we've all but given up on being legally married in our home state, and have even considering emigrating north and living in Vancouver, BC.
I'm determined that we'll have our wedding next year; it will be five years since our first date, and over four years of being engaged. I'm tired of waiting for the world to catch up. We'll have a wedding, if not a legal marriage.
My best friend was a beautiful May bride; she got married in 2004 and she and her husband are now thinking of having kids.
(Will be cross-posted tomorrow to the "Spectrum" column on PrismComics.org.)