In a news conference today, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld triumphantly announced: "The Iraqi people have now stood up, so we can now stand down."
Rumsfeld proudly cited the fact that Iraqi Shia militia body counts have surpassed those of the dead-end insurgency in its last throes.
When asked if this was actually the beginning of a civil war; a war that would prevent US troop reductions and even require a greater commitment, Rumsfeld scoffed: "As usual, you defeatists have it all wrong. The Iraqis are not on the verge of civil war, quite the contrary. These developments clearly demonstrate that our vision of a vigorous and energetic democracy has taken hold in Iraq. We have prevailed; our mission is accomplished and we can now bring our troops home. They should be back in time to vote in the midterm elections"
In the stunned silence that followed, Rumsfeld continued:"Our numbers never lie. The body count due to dead-enders in the last throes of their insurgency is now dwarfed by the production of the Iraqi Shia militias." Rumsfeld was referring to a disputed Washington Post report about the body counts due to the Iraqi Shia militias' vigorous and energetic assertion of democratic control.
When Rumsfeld was finally challenged on the fact he was citing a report that he claims is wrong, Rumsfeld countered,"You don't know the things that I know. You only know the things that you think you know. But I know what you know and I know what you don't know. So when I tell you something: I know if you know it, but you don't know if you know it . So, when I say that they don't know, that doesn't mean that I don't know". Before the press corps could digest that last statement, Rumsfeld left the briefing room.
An unnamed senior White House official has stated: "...the newest developments demonstrate that the Iraqis have fully embraced the Administration's vision of a vigorous and energetic democracy." With obvious envy, he continued, "The Iraqis have taken democracy to a whole new level. We can say with pride that the student has surpassed the master and they can teach us a few tricks. The Iraqi improvements on democracy should be adopted in the US. When we do that, Congress better not get in our way; otherwise they will find out how vigorous and energetic democracy can be."