I remember where I was when I stopped being afraid of "foreigners" in this post 9-11 world. It was in a Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru. It's maddening to write those sentences, they seem to mock and condemn me as a redneck half-wit. That's probably only half true. But this isn't about intellectual understanding. It's about who I am, and how I feel in this world around me.
In a very large sense I'm profoundly grateful for the moment when I looked across the cup of coffee I was reaching for out of my truck window, and saw just a person of a different ethnic background smiling at me over that ubiquitous foam container. It smacks of a Simpson's episode in its anticlimactic-ness. Until then I'm not sure it was clear to me how much fear and distrust had taken root deep within me. Who did that to us and why? Was there any truth to the rumors that spread like wildfire in the days and weeks after 9-11 of groups of middle easterners watching the endlessly replayed scenes of planes flying into buildings with barely concealed glee, of American flags intentionally displayed upside-down in a "secret handshake" of happiness at this country's sorrow? Were there people harvesting our dollars to fund those who would continue to try to strike at us?
At that moment, looking at the friendly foreign face of the woman handing me my order, I knew I had let go of that fear and suspicion. I was glad to see it go. I m not a reactionary. Friends of mine had wanted to turn the whole Arab world into a nuclear glass factory- they suspiciously watched their ardent liberal friend half-heartedly explain that genocide and holocaust were an inexcuseable response, and that we had to protect the innocent while we righteously pursued justice. The realist and the idealist impulses in me were entering a long period of estrangement. Deep down I knew that someone, somewhere was responsible and had to be caught; and I also knew that there were questions and uncertainties raised that might never find resolution. We all have a darker side to our curiousity, a need to know that can make up its own answers or grasp at implausibilities when nothing else is proferred. Our leadership did not help this process. Empty rhetoric about terrorists who hated and attacked us because of our freedom sustained a malignant helplessness. The demand for instant and total consent to their questionable strategies hamstrung any dissent in the face of solid public support for a seemingly strong and decisive leader. Meanwhile we squirmed on our hooks as America attacked the Taliban in Afghanistan, and then Saddam in Iraq. We clearly weren't zeroing in on Osama. Instead, this increasing circle of violence was including more Arabs and killing tens of thousands, and devolving into barbaric and inhuman practices. Were our enemies so strong and numerous? Fingers were pointing at more and more enemies while new and ingenious attacks struck our soldiers.
I'm relating this story of my regular morning coffee, and my fortuitous insight because it has freed me of any desire to support anything other than catching Osama bin Laden. There is no other justifiable combat operations objective in the Middle East right now. Waging war on "Terror" is far too nebulous a pretext to justify what we've been doing. Our goal has to be first and foremost bringing those responsible for the 9-11 attacks to justice. That closure will be the relief from fear and uncertainty this country needs.