"Each branch of government must rise up out of the shadows of inequality and be counted on this important civil rights issue by using their powers to put an end to discrimination against all people."
- Calif. Dem. Mark Leno announcing he will re-introduce same sex marriage bill in the Assembly
Recently reported on 365gay.com was this signal of hope for marriage equality in America's most populous state, California:
Assemblyman Mark Leno (D-San Francisco) on Monday will reintroduce legislation that would allow same-sex couples to marry in California.
Called the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act is is identical to a bill passed last year in both the Assembly and Senate but vetoed by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger...
The measure has the support of the state's largest LGBT civil rights group along with the California NAACP, the United Farm Workers, Mexican American Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Chinese for Affirmative Action, Anti-Defamation League, CA National Organization for Women, and the CA Council of Churches.
Round two of the marriage equality fight in the California State legislature is set to begin just as the California Supreme Court looks likely to pick up the debate as an issue in 2007.
While many arguments have been made for same-sex marriage equality, it's about time to broaden the argument beyond just the rights and benefits that come with marriage. My strong convictions for same-sex marriage do not stem out of my love affair with the institution of marriage. The institution of marriage has been and is discriminatory towards minorities such as women, ethnic minorities and of course same-sex couples. I do however believe in two things. One is that everyone should have the CHOICE to marry, even if some may not agree with THE INSTITUTION to which they marry in. Two is that marriage discrimination fuels the HIV/AIDS epidemic
Marriage, regardless of your views of it, is an institution which brings with it not just a union between two people, but also as one of the strongest expressions of blessing from a society onto a relationship. It takes the sting off the social stigma of being in a relationship that society is still learning to accept.
This stigma that marriage lessens is a very dangerous stigma. Being in a relationship can very well put you in physical danger if society is hostile to your choice of mate. I always feared getting attacked whenever I held my boyfriend's hand in public after I became a bit more accepting of my queer identity. Keep in mind that I had this fear even while living in the liberal bastion of NYC. Imagine how it is for most queer Americans outside of the urban progressive concentrations in our nation.
This stigma can clearly be categorized as a form of discrimination. This relationship discrimination based on the sex and gender identity/expression of ones mate weakens the idea of a relationship within the queer community.
Being faithful and committed to your partner is a very stressful, but not hard, decision to make. While straight couples only have to worry about their vows of commitment to each other, queer couples of the same sex must worry about those vows as well as having to explain themselves and stand under the eye of scrutiny in almost every public setting.
This very fact of the poor state of acceptance of same-sex relationships clearly explains why some queer people decide that they just do not possess the strength to have a partner in an open and committed relationship.
Marriage discrimination hurts the queer community because it tells us that we are not worthy of being in committed relationships.
Marriage discrimination tells us that yes, society accepts us more or less as long as we do it in the bedroom and never talk about it (And god forbid public displays of affection)
These effects of marriage discrimination fuel a drive towards depression and substance, sex abuse by many in our community
Because marriage discrimination negatively affects our ability to be in a relationship, it depresses us and makes us turn to distractions like drug abuse and promiscuous sex. My views on promiscuous sex however are not puritanical. I do not mind people who enjoy sex with casual partners, as long as it is safe sex. The problem with promiscuous sex for me is when people turn to it as a way to deal with the discrimination experienced in a very hostile society. It simply is not a healthy way of dealing with the stress caused by discrimination.
Admittedly, I turned to the outlet of casual unsafe sex when I first came out. I was scared to death at the thought of having a boyfriend. At the time I would have never been able to so much as stand close to another male who was attracted to me in a public setting. Even in the privacy of my own bedroom, I felt like I wasn't allowed to connect emotionally with whatever partner I had because it was "wrong"... at least that was what I was told and understood at that time.
It would be interesting to study individuals who engage in promiscuous sex, one study group which would consist of white middle and high income individuals, and other study groups involving low-income queer people and ethnic minorities.
My prediction is that the white middle and high income promiscuous individuals (assuming they are not immigrants, disabled, or an other disadvantaged group) would be more likely to use protection since they engage in promiscuous sex not simply as a distraction from societal discrimination. The other study groups I predict, would experience higher rates of unsafe sex directly linked to their increased societal isolation.
Marriage equality is probably an under-studied area for people who are using every bit of leverage they can possibly find to fight HIV/AIDS. The queer community must step up the fight for marriage equality PRECISELY because every day we live in the bars of societal dismissal is another day where members of our community put themselves at unnecessary risk because no one seems to want them to have a healthy relationship.