Most of my discussions with Republicans invariably turn into arguments. I've never encountered a Republican (I'm 26) who was willing to compromise or meet in the middle on any issue. The result is that we wind up shouting past each other and nothing is accomplished. These days, I'm not sure it's possible to 'accomplish' anything through discussion with a typical Bush supporting Republican. If you give, they take. They will never give. We have learned the hard way so now we do not give. This leads to closureless stalemates. The only sense of fulfillment or closure I now get from arguments with Republicans is by pissing them off, making them look like fools, and showing independents in the room how irrational they are. To be honest, though, last night was the first time I was able to achieve that feet. Friends, it was glorious.
In previous arguments I've become angry and raised my voice first. I wrote a diary once about how confused and ashamed I felt after calling a Republican a 'motherfucker' during an argument during which he lamented that the worst part about hurricane Katrina was that it would end up costing us two wars. Getting angry and irrational always makes me feel like I've lost. I've embarrased myself and the folks in the room who know nothing about politics associate my absurdity with liberal ideology. And so it has been a goal of mine to turn things around, to put the Republicans on the defensive, to smile as they yell at me, to know that I am in control.
Last night I was at a dinner party in Columbus, Ohio. It was a 20 something potluck type thing with mostly teachers and 3rd year law school students held at the house of a teacher whose husband is a 3rd year law school student and president of his class. I knew there would be trouble on arrival when we parked behind his bumper sticker covered Saturn. (For those who need specifics...it had two Bush stickers, one a W04 and the other a Bush/Cheney). A Kossack might be able to avoid talking politics with a one sticker Bush supporter but two stickers... Well, grab a beer and get ready to fight.
For a while, the kitchen(where most guests were) separated into teachers trashing Bush on one side and law school students praising him on the other. It was uncanny how we all gravitated to political talk, both groups having parallel discussions with diametrically opposing view points. The tone was fun and polite until around 11pm when the polarized groups dispersed and the host's husband sat down with me in the living room and started playing Toby Keith from his Ipod. I can't stand Toby Keith and could not keep from grimacing. He went on about how much he adored Toby Keith and I shook my head and then somehow we switched subjects and got to talking about natural gas prices. I keep my apartment at a frigid 55 degrees and paid 163 dollars last month. He keeps his townhouse at 52 and has to use two roving space heaters. I said something to the effect of, isn't it time we found a different way to heat ourselves.
And then I don't remember quite how it happened but we were arguing about the war in Iraq and the war on terror. Our voices started at a resonable level and I let him talk on and on about how important Iraq is to the war on terror. Then I calmly asked, "Can we ever win a war on terror?" He's a smart guy so he skirted the direct question. I think he kind of knew what I was doing but didn't know how to pry himself from my setup. "You have to fight it. Things can get better, but you have to keep fighting it, you can't give up like the wimpy Democrats. Don't you remember 911? Have you forgotten about how the Terrorists flew planes into our buildings and killed 3000 people!" He was shouting. "I've got him," I thought to myself. He cracked first. Keep him on the run. With calm affect, I said, "let's get back to my question, can you ever win a war on terror." He lashed back, "It's not about that. You have to fight it! The terrorists. Have you forgotten. You Democrats are just going to let us get hit again! Oh my god!" Again, calmly, I said, "Please answer my original question. I'm not talking about all that other stuff. All I want to know is, can you win a war on terror." He shouted some more and his wife came into the room to calm him down. "Honey, stop yelling and just answer his question." He was embarrasing her.
"No!" he yelled, "You can't ever win but you have to keep fighting!"
"Thank you for answering my question. So if we can never win a war on terror, the war on terror will never end, and those in power will always be able to claim that every decision they make is to ensure victory in a war that by definition can never be won and will continue forever. Do you see how that's a problem?" He lashed back, "But we have to fight it. You've forgotten about September 11th." I returned, "Yes, we do have to fight it, but not in Iraq and do you know that the 911 families, the people who actually lost family members that day are against the war in Iraq. They are the ones who should be the most angered and horrified by 911 yet they are against the war in Iraq. Why do you think that is?" He shot back, "Because they don't have the intelligence to know that we need to be in Iraq. They don't know anything about world affairs. That, and they're from New York and Washington DC, two of the most liberal places in the country. They'd be against Bush no matter what."
"Gary", I said, "They are the ones who lost family members. I don't think their allegiance to liberal ideology trumps the lives of the family members they lost. They don't agree with the war in Iraq because it has nothing to do with finding Bin Laden and bringing to justice the terrorists of 911 who killed their family members." He was livid. He got up from his seat and stormed out of the room with his wife in tow. A few moments later he was back on a different topic, talking about how ashamed every Democrat should be about our conduct at Correta Scott King's funeral. I stopped him and said, "Gary, let me just say one thing without you interrupting me. When I die, people damn well better say something about my liberal activism and I for one would want a last jab at the things I fought against all my life." Everyone in the room shook their heads in acknowledgement. He shot back, "But Corretta was known for Civil Rights, not all the other stuff Lowery and Jimmy Carter were bashing Bush about." I jumped in, "I actually went to a speech of hers last year at Miami University and it was a not so veiled criticism of many of Bush's current policies and stances, whether it be the war in Iraq or gay marriage. It all relates to her continual fight for peace and justice and civil rights. Those battles are very relevant in today's context." Gary shot back, "No, all she did was ride on her husbands coattails. Now she's just a liberal hack." The room quieted. It was as if he'd called Jesus a four letter word.
Later in the evening, I had a few more interactions with Gary, including one in which I questioned him about his pro-life stance. "I'm not quite sure what you mean by pro life?" "I mean I'm against abortion," he said. "But I'm confused because you said prolife and what about the death penalty and the war in Iraq and human rights?" "Okay!" he scowled annoyed, "Anti-abortion". "That's better," I chided, "Now we've more specifically framed the argument, but do you honestly think that anyone is pro abortion? Don't you think that's oversimplifying it?"
The night ended with a game of trivial pursuit. Gary was drunk and belligerent. His law school friends called his cell and he yelled something to them about how he wanted to leave the stupid party he was at to go to the strip club with them. His wife cornered him and began admonishing him like a child in front of everyone. He calmed and began playing trivial pursuit with us. My girlfriend and I were teamed up and during one turn, we had the choice of science and nature or sports and leisure. I chose science and nature because frankly I know next to nothing about sports (even though I am fairly athletic and was at one time an Air Force Academy Cadet, thank you very much:)). When Gary noticed that we'd chosen science and nature, he said, "Wow, that's the first time I've ever seen a guy not go to sports and leisure. What kind of guy goes to science and nature instead of sports and leisure. I've never seen that before." I didn't take the bait, but I wanted to pummel him. I wanted to say, "The same kind of guy who's gonna kick your ass." I knew if I said it, though, all my work staying calm and collected would have been for naught. I would have lost. Gary repeated the cheap shot under his breath. I held it together and soon after, my girlfriend and I left for the night. I made it a point before I left to shake hands with and look him in the eye. He reluctantly returned the handshake and that was it.
On the way to the car, it occurred to me that I'd won. I'd finally won. I now know how it's done and I'm not turning back. I want to thank all the Kossacks who helped coach me throug these discussions. You guys are the best. I also want to thank Lionel from Air America Radio. He's such an intelligent and calm model for how to convey a liberal message and take on Republicans. I'd also like to thank the New Yorker magazine for succinctly providing me with a deeper understanding of the world so I can more easily cut through BS. Thank you all!