Every now and then my brain does these strange things like create weird political fables. I almost didn't post this. But I was thinking about you guys a lot while writing it. So here is a leftie activist fable. I hope you all like it.
An unlit basement, filled with the whirring, rattling sound of generators. It is very noisy.
Suddenly a light flips on.
Howard Dean: So this is where all the power comes from.
Generator #1: Hey, light! And a person!
Generator #2: Ssshhh!
Howard Dean: Looks like nobody's been down here for a while. Jeez, look at all those generators. Kinda rusty, though. Could use some work.
Generator #1: You'd be rusty, if someone left you in a damp basement for 20 years.
Generator #3: Complain, complain. You don't know when you've got it good. I did Florida work.
Generator #2 (in a hissing undertone): Will you two shut up? We're not supposed to let anybody know we can talk.
Howard Dean (genuinely curious): Why would I think you can't talk?
A shocked silence fills the basement for a moment.
Generator #2: Well, Doctor--I mean, Governor--
Howard Dean: Call me Howard.
Generator #2 blushes, but no one can tell.
Generator #2: Well, um, Howard, it's been so long since anyone talked to us, that the idea of a talking generator has been forgotten. Most people think we're just a myth.
Generator #1 (putting on a snotty manner): "It's the electric company, stupid."
Howard Dean: I guess I missed out on that story.
Generator #4, to her neighbor: Isn't he awesome?
Generator #1: Seeing as how you're the first person to set foot down here in twenty years--what can we do for you? We'd offer you tea, but there isn't any.
Howard Dean: I had an idea. I'd need your help to pull it off.
Generator #5: You mean, our power? You're going to use our power?
Howard Dean: Not without your consent, obviously. You'd have to agree to--
The basement erupts with cheers. The whirring and clanging gets even louder. The basement light brightens.
Generator #5: Whoo-hooo!
Generator #3: Yee-haw!
Generator #1: Wait a minute.
Generator #2 (wiping away a tear): To think I lived to see the day!
Generator #4: I think I'm in love!
Generator #1: Wait a minute.
About twenty generators, chanting: How-ard, How-ard, How-ard!
Generator #1: WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED MINUTE!
Generator #2: What's wrong?
Generator #3 (irritated): Who pissed in your Wheaties?
Generator #1 (exasperated): Don't you think we should hear what the plan is before we agree to it?
Generator #2: Oh.
Generator #3: Good point. What's your plan, sir?
Howard Dean: You don't have to call me "sir," for God's sakes. In fact, I wish you wouldn't.
Generator #3: Sorry, sir--Howard. I'm from the South; it kinda comes with the territory.
Generator #1: Bet you wouldn't call Hillary "ma'am."
Generator #3 (ignoring this): So, what's your plan?
Howard Dean: Well, you might not have noticed, down in this basement, but the house could really use some work.
A short silence.
Generator #6: We noticed.
Howard Dean: Good. What I want to do is a complete overhaul. I came down here looking for the power source. I thought at the time I'd just remodel the place. But now that I see you all, I think I was thinking too small.
Generator #2: What do you mean?
Howard Dean: Are those spare generator parts over there? Seems like a lot of them.
Generator #3: Sure. And there's some tools hanging over there on the wall. What did you have in mind?
Howard Dean: Well, no offense, but all of you could use some freshening up. I'll fix you up with those parts and get some of the rust off of you. After that, I'm going to take the leftover parts and build some more of you.
Generator #1 (perplexed): More of us? What for?
Howard Dean: To lift this thing off the ground.
Generator #2 (sounding faint): Off...the ground?
Howard Dean: Or in your case, out of the ground.
Generator #4 (squeals): We're going to fly??? I am in love.
The basement door creaks, and all the generators stop talking. John Kerry pokes his head in, and then comes partway downstairs.
John Kerry: That's a lot of power.
Generator #4 (brightening): Hey, that's John Kerry!
Generator #1 (sighing): Now comes the hero worship. If I had eyes they'd be rolling.
Generator #2 (urgently): Ssshhhh!
Generator #3: What's the difference. Cat's out of the bag, now.
Generator #2 (whispering): Howard's different. He's practically a generator himself.
Generator #3 (much quieter): You've got a point there.
Generator #1 (abruptly): Oh, to hell with it. I'm sick of being quiet.
Generator #2 (still whispering): We're supposed to be quiet. We're not supposed to have voices!
Generator #1: DLC shill.
John Kerry: Of course you have voices.
Generator #1: He knows too?
Generator #5: Oh, my God.
Generator #2: How did you know?
John Kerry: I listen.
Generator #1 (suspiciously): I haven't seen you down here since 1973. How can you listen from up there?
John Kerry: I'm not deaf. Anyone who paid attention could hear you talking. Generators aren't exactly quiet. Besides, we talked in the `70s. Did you think I'd forgotten?
Generator #1 (sourly): People do.
Generator #3 (thoughtfully): A whole lot of people in this house must be deaf.
Howard Dean (scrubbing rust off a generator): I'll say.
John Kerry (curious): What are you doing, Howard?
Generator #4 (excitedly): He's going to fix us up and get the rust off and build some more of us and then we're going to fly!
John Kerry: That's the most idealistic, impractical dream I've heard in a long time.
Howard Dean (snorts)
Generator #4 (wilts)
John Kerry: I like it. Need a pilot?
about thirteen generators: No way! Howard! We want Howard as our pilot!
Howard Dean: Now, hold on.
A bunch of generators (chanting again): How-ard! How-ard! How-ard!
Howard Dean: Guys. Guys!
They fall silent.
Howard Dean: Guys, I'm really, really touched. And I hope one day I will be your pilot. But I can't do it right now.
Generator #1: Why not?
Generator #5: Yeah, why not?
Howard Dean: Because I'm busy down here. I can't both run things down here and steer this thing.
Generator #1: Yeah, OK, but why should we pick him as our pilot? Last time he flew, he crashed into a ditch!
Generator #6 (darkly): He didn't crash. He was shot down.
Generator #1: Is that tinfoil wrapped around you or are you just glad to see me?
Generator #6: I saw it. They hadn't moved me downstairs yet. I saw the anti-aircraft guns. He didn't crash--not the way you mean, anyway. (to Kerry) Still, you should have seen it coming, you know.
Kerry says nothing.
Generator #4 (enthusiastically): I think we should pick Kerry as our pilot!
Generator #3: Why is that, young lady?
Generator #4: He can do barrel rolls!
Generator #1: And this is a good thing how?
Generator #4: Do you even know how "fun" is spelled?
Generator #6: I agree. Kerry should be our pilot.
Generator #1: How does that make sense? You just said he flew right into their fire! Why do you want him back?
Generator #6: Now he knows what we're facing--better than most of them up there. And I've never seen him make the same mistake twice.
Generator #1: Look, #6, you know I respect you. But you'll excuse me if your faith in him isn't enough to convince me.
The basement door creaks again. Hillary Clinton pokes her head in.
Hillary Clinton: Excuse me, Howard.
Howard Dean (looking up briefly, then going back to work): Yes?
Hillary Clinton: There's an awful racket down here. You can hear the noise in the parlor. It's disrupting my business meeting.
Howard Dean (not looking up): I'm sorry about that.
Hillary Clinton: Would you please shut off some of these generators? We don't need all of them--and it's awfully noisy. Shutting off half of them ought to do it.
She smiles and shuts the door.
Generator #1 (disbelieving): Shut us off? Shut me off??
Generator #3: What did we ever do to her?
Generator #1 (with growing anger): Off? OFF?!? HEY, YOU! COME BACK DOWN HERE AND SAY THAT!!!
Generator #2: You can't challenge her, #1.
Generator #1 (still loudly): Why not??
Generator #2: You've got no hands.
Generator #5: That's OK. I know what we'll do.
Generator #1: What?
Generator #5: We'll give her exactly what she wants.
A short, thoughtful silence falls.
The whirring and clanging stops. The basement light goes out.
Generator #1 (grimly): I bet the meeting's quiet now.
Howard Dean: Folks, we'll never get off the ground this way.
Generator #4 (sweetly): We're just doing as we're told, sir.
Howard Dean: Do you want to fly or not?
Generator #5 (wheedling): Couldn't you just load us up onto a flatbed truck and take us to another house?
Howard Dean: There is no other house.
Generator #5: Then we'll build one! You're good with your hands, and we'd all help...
Howard Dean: No. We're going to make this work. We're going to get off the ground, but I need all of you to work with me.
A sulky silence follows. The basement remains dark.
Howard Dean: I'd also like to mention that you're leaving me in the dark, too. And it's getting kind of chilly in here.
Another silence--this time uncomfortable. A few generators clear their throats. Others shuffle.
Generator #5: Well, shit.
Generator #1: Howard.
Howard Dean: Well?
Generator #1:If we turn the power back on--and this is just hypothetical, you understand--
Howard Dean: Go on.
Generator #1: Will you put some windows into this basement once we get out of the ground? So we can see something besides these walls and each other? It would be great to see where we're going. You can't get much sensation of flying if you're surrounded by bricks.
Howard Dean: Sure. I can't promise there'll be picture windows in every wall--you won't get to see everything. But I've got no problem with letting some light in. Nobody should be kept completely in the dark.
Generator #1: So you'll do it?
Howard Dean: If you turn the power back on, I'll put some good-sized windows into two or three of these walls. Deal?
Several generators: Deal!
The whirring and clanging starts up again. The basement light comes on. John Kerry is still standing on the stairs.
Generator #1 (to Kerry, wryly): I don't know what it is, but suddenly you look a lot better to me.
Generator #5: He should take her with him wherever he goes.
Generator #6: He looked fine before. (to Kerry) Though I do have a bone to pick with you about the Patriot Act.
The basement door opens. Russ Feingold enters.
Russ Feingold: So this is where the party is. Hi, John.
Most of the generators in the room: It's Senator Feingold! Great work, Russ! Way to go!--etc.
Russ Feingold: So, John, how about supporting my motion to censure Bush?
John Kerry (in a voice like ice): It would have been appropriate to ask me that before you made the motion. You might have considered warning me ahead of time that you were going to do it. Or were you trying to embarrass us all in front of the press?
Russ Feingold: Oh, come on, John, the man is breaking the law. What is there to consider? You didn't need advance warning.
John Kerry: That's not how you're supposed to treat a colleague. We take enough crap from the Republicans; we don't need stunts like this from you.
Several generators (loudly): It's not a stunt! It's about what's right! He's not grandstanding--etc.
Generator #4 (in a small voice): Please don't fight.
John Kerry (turning toward #4): What?
Russ Feingold: What?
Generator #4: I hate it when you fight. You're all we've got. We have so few friends. When you fight, it makes me
feel like I might as well lie down and let myself
rust.
Howard Dean (more gently than usual): Remember, you have the power.
Generator #4 (slightly muffled): I know. But does that mean we have to do this all alone?
Generator #1: And what is Howard, chopped liver?
Generator #4 (sounding teary now): I want Russ and John there too. And everybody else who's been our friend.
Generator #1 (muttering): That'd be about five people, if that.
Generator #2: You're forgetting the CBC. And a lot of
others. Don't be needlessly negative.
John Kerry walks over and crouches down next to Generator #4.
John Kerry: I said I would never stop fighting for you. I meant it. I never will.
Generator #4 (sniffling loudly): I know. But I get scared. You can't do it by yourself. We need everybody we can get--
and even then it's going to be hard.
Generator #6: She's right. There's so many of them and so few of us. Can't you work together? Can't you at least try?
Feingold and Kerry (mildly irritated): We are trying.
Generators 1, 3, 5 &6: Try harder.
Generator #5: We don't expect the impossible.
Generator #3: We're not asking you to work with Lieberman, or even Hillary.
Generator #2: Which is a good thing, since Lieberman's not a Democrat.
Generator #1: I believe that's the first time I've ever heard you snipe at someone. If we were people, I'd buy you a drink.
Generator #3: Just don't fight with people on our side. Try
to work things out. We're all friends here, right?
Generator #4: I think so.
Howard Dean: That's why, ultimately, it's people like you who need to run this house.
Generator #4: Me???
Howard Dean: All of you.
A split second of disbelieving silence is followed by the entire basement erupting into laughter.
Generator #3: Howard's such a card.
Generator #1: Like real stand-up.
Howard Dean (irritated): I was being serious.
Generator #1 (giggling): Yeah, right.
Howard Dean (more irritated still): No, I mean it.
Generator #5 (snorting with laughter): Like a generator's going to go upstairs and run things.
Generator #2: We'd have to sprout arms and legs first.
Generator #3: No, Howard's retrofitting us to use jet propulsion.
All the generators burst out laughing again at this image.
Howard Dean (really irritated now): How many times do I have to say it? You. Have. The. Power.
Russ Feingold: Listen to him. He's absolutely right. What
about Paul Wellstone? He was a generator.
The laughter stops.
Generator #2 (sadly): He's not here anymore.
John Kerry (gently): Paul wouldn't have wanted you to be discouraged. He would have wanted you to have faith in yourselves, and keep fighting.
Howard Dean: There are plenty of former generators upstairs, even in these awful times. What about John Conyers?
About fifteen generators (shouting):John the Generator!
Generator #5: We've got a song about him. It's always been one of my favorites. How he got upstairs and turned into a person and kept writing and talking and making more and more energy just like he was still a generator.
Generator #1: Kind of a generator-person hybrid.
Howard Dean: If he can do it, why can't you?
Generator #5: It sounds good, but not many manage that, Howard. We can go a decade without one of us getting upstairs.
Generator #1: It's easier when you start upstairs, as a person, and then come down to be a generator for a while. Then it's easier to go back up again. That's how Kerry did it.
Generator #4: I think that's cool.
Generator #1: It is cool, because he didn't have to come down here at all. Just because I don't want him for a pilot doesn't mean I don't see that. But that's not the point. The point is that it's hard to get even one of us up those stairs. And you seem to be talking about getting all of us up there.
Howard Dean: Eventually. And one day you'll see that I was right. You'll see that you're capable of more than you ever dreamed of. But right now, all I'm interested in is getting this house off the ground.
Generator #6: How many more of us do we need to lift off?
Howard Dean: Honestly, I don't know. I'm just going to keep building more of you until it happens.
Generator #2: You don't know how many it will take?
Howard Dean: No.
Generator #6: You don't even know if it will work, do you?
Howard Dean: Not in the sense of having scientific proof it will, no.
Generator #1: Then what the hell are we doing here?
Dean, Feingold, and Kerry: An experiment.
Generator #5 (thoughtfully): An experiment.
Generator #2: I think I remember...
Generator #1: Yeah, me too. This is a weird question, but...how long have we been here?
Generator #6: Longer than we think. I think.
Generator #5: I'm remembering some terrible things. I don't think I was supposed to be part of the experiment. At least not at first.
Generator #3: I'm sorry, y'all. #5...I'm so sorry.
Generator #5: I can't say it's all right. It's not.
Generator #3: I know.
Generator #5: If you mean that...
Generator #3: I do.
Generator #5: Then I can work with you.
Generator #1: Good. Because the experiment can't succeed any other way.
Generator #5 (quickly): That doesn't mean I'm bound to do it.
Generator #1: No. If anybody's being forced to make this thing fly, it won't. It'll stay wedged in the side of this hill forever. And we'll never get out of the dark.
Generator #4: I want to go home.
Generator #1: So do I.
Generator #6 (in tears): I do too.
Generator #5: I'm not sure I've ever been home. But I `d like to get there one day.
Generator #2: Can we make it?
Generator #3: Keep working.
Upstairs, in the front hall. Joe Biden knocks on the parlor door.Hillary Clinton opens it.
Hillary Clinton: What is it, Joe? I'm in the middle of a meeting.
Joe Biden (ignoring this): Why did the power go off a while ago?
Hillary Clinton: I went down to the basement and told Howard to turn off some of the generators. They were so noisy, they were making it difficult to concentrate on the deal we were drawing up. The power must have flickered when he turned them off.
Joe Biden: We have a basement?