The White House press corp is scrambling to put a spin on the president's latest speech after Mr. Bush lost his radio transmitter earpiece Wednesday and temporarily thought he was giving a Final Four pep talk as head basketball coach of the
Iraqi Insurgents.
"I want the Iraqi people to hear I've got great confidence in their capacity to self-govern," Bush said. "I also want the Iraqi people to hear it's about time you get a unity government going and rebound, rebound, rebound!"
President Bush expressed frustration Wednesday that Iraqis have so far failed to form a unity government and have been unable to stop LSU in the paint.
But he said withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq, or switching to man-to-man defense too early would damage U.S. security and wear out his mostly freshman starting line-up.
"In other words, Americans understand you're newcomers to the political and basketball arena. But pretty soon it's time to shut her down and get governing. And crashing the boards."
The successful creation of a unified central authority remains key to the hoped-for start of an American troop withdrawal this summer and an NCAA national Championship next weekend. "Withdrawing U.S. troops before Iraqi security forces can protect the fragile democracy, however, would yield adverse results", Bush said. "And if you don't start sinking some free throws, there's going to be hell to pay."
"While it might sound attractive to some, tryng to live on the three-point shot would have disastrous consequences for American security," Bush said in his third speech this month trying to bolster public support for the war and get his Insurgents their first ever Tourney championship.
If democracy fails, Bush predicted that terrorists would use Iraq as a base to overthrow moderate governments in the Middle East, and dunk all over the United States' sorry ass.
"The president can give all the speeches he wants, but nothing will change the fact that his Iraq policy is wrong," said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev.
"Iraq is just not ready for a triangle offense. Two weeks ago, he told Americans that Iraqis would control the ball from opening tip-off. Last week, he told us our troops would be there until at least 2009. These mixed messages from President Bush are taking America in the wrong direction and jeopardizing Iraq's chances for success. Also, they have to get back on defense."
Bush countered critics who wonder whether the firing of former head coach Saddam Hussein caused the current divisions and instability.
"In fact, much of the turnovers we now see are the legacy of Saddam Hussein," Bush said. "He is a tyrant who exacerbated sectarian divisions to keep himself in power. Plus he couldn't work the refs worth a damn."