I know it is cliché to say I never thought it would happen to me but on Friday, March 3rd, 2006 I was laid off from my job due to budget cuts. To say I was shocked was an understatement; I truly never thought it would happen to me. I worked for this company for four years and it was much more than a job to me, it was my life. Even when I wasn't at the office I was working at home. I worked nights and weekends on a regular basis, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I know people don't hear this very often but I loved my job. I loved the people, I loved the atmosphere, and I even loved my work. Now it's all gone and I feel like I have lost a mate of four years in an instant.
The loss of salary definitely hurts... I didn't make a whole lot compared to the amount of work I did, but that shock hasn't really set-in yet. After a weekend in a daze I woke up this morning completely devastated. Reality had begun to sink in, all those projects I had to work on over the next few weeks, the projects that I really enjoyed working on... gone. Going to lunch everyday with one of my favorite people in the world... over. Collaborating with one of my managers on a new art project... history. Laughing in the halls, talking about LOST on Thursday mornings with my LOST buddies, instant messaging with my friends in other departments and in other cities where we had offices... done. I literally feel like I've had a death in my family and it's a death that I wasn't prepared for. Now I sit at home, in the middle of a Monday afternoon with no work to do for the first time in years and I mourn.
Nobody at work saw this coming, not even some Vice President friends of mine who were totally shocked and in fact expressed disbelief when they found out. The Vice President of Marketing who I worked with daily was so surprised that she actually got sick to her stomach and had to leave the room. The accounting clerk and receptionist started crying when they found out and ran in to hug me. The whole office fell silent at 3:00, it truly felt like the fun company that we all loved working for was gone and now everybody felt, If Scott can get laid off, ANY of us could be next. It was the darkest day that I can remember since I started with the company; part of me was gone forever that day and a lot of people now think that they work for a company in trouble. If this is what happens when the economy is GOOD, I would hate to see what happens when the economy is BAD.
As bad as I feel right now, I do consider myself lucky in one respect. That is, in tough times like this I know I can always turn to my family and my friends and they will be there. In fact, my closest friend who happens to be a Vice President in our New York office called me as soon as he found out with a plane ticket for me to go to New York for ten days... I leave tomorrow. My folks took me shopping on Saturday since I will, "need new clothes for job interviews and for New York" and another friend is making me dinner tonight so we can eat, drink wine and mourn together. I'm so lucky to have these people to lean on... thank God for my family and friends, right now it seems like they are all I have and I need them to help me get through this.
Thanks for reading my diary, send good mojo in my direction! I'm not sure where I am going next, if anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them! And do me one more favor... please remember this next time you read a headline like "GM lays off 30,000." It's not just about the loss of income, for a lot of people the loss is immeasurable.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their truly kind words of support, I tried to reply to as many comments as I could but they started piling up! I'm going to use this time to get more active in my community because I've been inspired by all of you guys. Its people like you, like all of us who make America such a great country.