Copyright © 2006 by Thomas Gangale
As the congressional race in California's 4th District heats up, rumors are starting to flower. I think it's time some of these innuendos were met head on.
One hears that the Republican incumbent, John Doolittle, is not the serious candidate that everyone imagines him to be; rather, he is a Lisa Rae plant. Rae, running this year as a Democrat, has been patiently preparing the ground for her 4th District seat campaign for 16 years, so goes the rumor. She put John Doolittle up for his initial bid in 1990, and she has been cultivating him ever since. Her strategy has been to ensure that the most noxious and insidious weed that grows in the northern Sierras put down roots in the political mulch typified by the likes of Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff, Tom DeLay, ad nauseam. Lisa figured that it was only a matter of time before these seedy characters fell victim to a self-inflicted blight, and when they did, she would look like such a fresh sprout in comparison, that her campaign would blossom into Rae-diance. So goes the rumor.
Is Doolittle really a plant?
A lot of florae are susceptible to pest damage, so if John Dewlilly were a plant, it would be natural for him to seek the services of a fumigator such as Tom DeLay. We know that the President is a plant for sure... why do you think they call him "Bush?" But, when the Abramoff scandal broke, our Plantident was at least smart enough to give the contributions to his campaign back to Jack. Doolittle, on the other hand, still has his sticky brambles all over that fat stack he got from Jack, and that makes him look pretty dumb, like a plant that has failed to master heliotropism. Also on that level of intelligence, of course, is Duke Cunningham. He's just been planted in a very small container, and he's going to come out in eight years looking like a bonsai. I think plants have to be smarter than these guys, don't you?
Now, I have seen Doolittle referred to as "scum," and I think that's just outrageous, gratuitous disparagement of an entire phylum of decent, hard-working algae. Still, it may be that Doolittle aspires to that higher state of being, and he may yearn to someday spread himself across the surface of a nice, large, serene body of water.... Tell me again, what's his position on building the Auburn Dam?
So, when you get to the root of the story going around that John Doolittle is Lisa Rae's plant, you find that evidence for it leaves a lot of room for doubt. My desire to nip this in the bud stems from my belief that the electorate is best served by a campaign that discusses the real issues that affect real people, not this... fertilizer. A candidate that slings this kind of stuff around ill serves the public. Bad enough for them to do it as candidates; then, see what they do when we elect them! Let's not be led down the garden path again, for as we sow, we shall reap.