(Many thanks to grndrush for holding down the C & J fort during Bill's drinking binge recovery well deserved vacation! There's 'moreville' below the fold. Woosh! DarkSyde)
CHEERS AND JEERS FRIDAY: Last Call(ed) Edition
"You're gonna love this diary". Hopefully, anyway. Really. At least, if you're old enough to have kids approaching their teenage years (note you don't need kids this age...). Sorry, youngsters. We old farts have to remember the good-old-days sometime, and today seems particularly appropo.
Follow me over the rainbow fold and I'll explain what this has to do with why "...you're gonna love this diary"!
Disclaimer: Any resembli between the 'work' (cough) below, and BiPM's world-famous, world-class dailyKos column of a similar name are strictly symptoms of your own bad taste. Not to mention incorrect. Note that control of this column is being returned to the hands of trained professionals IMMEDIATELY. Don't try this at home.
Note: This CnJ chapter built by a dial-up user, for dial-up users.
Now, why would you give a broken pea-flicker about a diary by a guy who's only written 4 diaries, at least 2 of them sortof nutty, in over a year at dailyKos? I'm obviously not much of a writer (check my diaries - on 2nd thought, take my word for it); I'm an editor. First things first, however.
Most of you hopefully remember Johnny Carson. He hosted the `Tonite Show' from 1962-1992, of course. I was 5 years old when he started. He was always there (4531 times, he was there; I admit to missing 3 shows - that's my story, and I'm sticking to it). When I got older, my parents fell into a routine, especially in the Summer (when it was most helpful): they'd watch the 10PM news, then go to bed, knowing I was staying up to watch JC (er, lets call him Johnny from here on out). Many nights, right after his monologue, I went out in the front yard, sat beside the car on the dark side, and, er, "burned one". After that, of course, Johnny was even funnier, and I slept better, as well.
One of his most popular alternative persona - Carnac the Magnificent - would give answers to questions heretofor allegedly haven been contained in envelopes, which had been hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar (on whose doorstep? Extra credit for that one!). After giving the answer, Ed handed him the envelope (normally with much ado), which he then opened, and asked the 'question'. There was one particular bit of his shtick likely best displayed in this routine, repeated over and over and over with Carnac. Remember that little bit?
Johnny's most lasting unique quality was his ability to snatch laughs from the ashes of a bomb. Like some phoenix of comedians (he even retired in Phoenix, AZ), it seemed that some of his jokes were designed to bomb, simply so he could pull them from the flames. One of his favorite routines in this vein was Carnac and the famous last envelope! After having seen a half-dozen of these cracks, some designed as groaners, everyone was ALWAYS happy to see that final envelope, and they let him know in no uncertain terms with huge ovations (which he would often counter with some bizarre curse upon the audience, raising the silliness bar one more notch).
Well, guess what, folks? This is the last envelope! THAT is why "You're gonna love this diary"! Just this last fake substitute CnJ'er, and we return control of your monitor to (ie, have it ripped from our hands by) BiPM (and his able and more regular assistants, of course). I thank DelawareDem, Shermanesq, Klamothe, and Mehitabel9 for their delightful contributons this week. We all collectively thank BiPM immmensely for the waste of perfectly good electrons opportunities! And, since AABshier will be the first to try and pick up the pieces we left scattered all over cyberville, to paraphrase Blanche from 'Steetcar Named Desire', I hereby hand AAbsier CnJ with a bottle of aspirin...
Johnny and I shared a large number of things in common; backyard astronomers since childhood, Scorpios (he was on the cusp; I'm a full-blown Scorp), we both stepped out the door of a plane in flight during our lives (he being smart enough to stop after one). Remember how he was always tapping a pencil? Yeah, we had a lot in common. I'm also pretty sure he was a southpaw.
FWIW, I used the link above to Johnny's jump (indirect, admittedly) for a reason. Do a find on that page for "1997". I was working at Perris Valley in Sept. 1997. The "...most celebrated case..." they refer to therein was Perris' official competition team. They were in Texas, I believe (not that it matters; they WEREN'T at Perris, so we missed all the fun). There were low clouds, and they were allegedly practicing 'exits'. Well, they ended up turning trying to turn 7 points (different formations) after exiting the plane at 2500 ft. AAD's are set for 1500 ft. Stoopid. I know every one of those guys. Until that day; they had cushy jobs where they actually got paid to jump 10 times a day, and didn't even have to hang onto students - they were doing exactly what they 'wanted' to do (find a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life....all that). Further, they were, obviously, BMOC's as well. They returned quietly to Perris Valley after that incident, jobless and sans the "BMOC" lapel pins. "Team Perris" was on hiatus for a while. There's a lesson in there somewhere that reaches far beyond the sport.
As to astronomy, I saw an article saying that there's a "new" blue ring around Uranus. They claim it's a mystery, as Mab, the small planet accompanying the ring, has no geysers or other method of spewing crap into the heavens in order to make such a gorgeous ring, but I think it's all a TidyBowl conspiracy. And yes, I'm running low on tin-foil.
As to Scorpio, if you live in Argentina, it should be quite prominent at the moment. If you're equipped to do so, you might also want to check out Uranus.
Some of Johnny's better unprintable lines:
"For 3 days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators dead."
"Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair."
Tammy Wynette was mentioned in yesterday's CnJ. She was in a (turbulent) marriage with George Jones. George was one of Hank Williams' early heroes. Well, today, it's Hank Williams, Jr.'s turn. It seems he assaulted a waitress in a Memphis hotel. Of course, he can't just get drunk at some out-of-the-way place - he HAS to be at the Peabody. He has agreed to go like a good boy. I tell you, NO good news EVER seems to come out of my hometown.
Ah-Nuld has chosen a rather strange re-election strategy; it seems he's attempting to recuit as many former Bush staffers as possible. The newest addition, Alex Castellanos, was the man behind the "Swift Boat" attack ads, amoung others. He joins at least 2 other former Bush higher-ups as Ah-Nuld higher-ups. They will all report to Susan Kennedy, "...a longtime Democratic activist." Love him or hate him, the man is certainly bipartisan.
There wasn't much counting that needed to be done today:
62 Days until YearlyKos
75 Days until Summer
4 Quarts in a Gallon
112 Days since Peak Oil
And, especially after yesterday's heavy reading assignment, you're hereby given the weekend off to read Diaries.
Cheers: TGIF!
Jeers: Bush's worst-ever AP-Ipsos poll ratings.
36% ! Just wait tight, Liz. Your pony's coming. ;)
Cheers: To finding new rings around planets in 2006.
Jeers: To the results returned by the US Debt Clock. It was $8.393 trillion early this morning. One thing's for sure; it's higher now.
Cheers: To concerts in Extinct Hawaiian Volcanoes. Way cool. Saw Steve Miller myself at the Riverport in St. Louis in, I believe, 1994. Great show. It sounds like this one went well, also.
Jeers: To Tom DeLay 'supporters' for harrassing a Democrat running for a seat he isn't even contesting. Nick Lampson, while holding a news conference, was surrounded by protestors holding up cheap signs and chanting, silencing Lampson. "Mr. Lampson is going to have to get used to being confronted about his voting record the next seven months," Delay's 'campaign manger', Chris Homan, was quoted as saying. What does a 'campaign manager' do when there's not gonna be a 'campaign'? And, is Mr. Lampson going to be confronted about his voting record, or with chants? I guess they have nothing better to do.
Cheers: To a return to regular ole CHEERS AND JEERS next week! Yeah!
Putting something like this together at the last possible second can feel like a tight spot - but imagine having to do this everday? Perspective. It's like the difference between brown-nosing and kissing ass: depth perception!
And you thought I'd forgotten a daily puppy/pootie pic. I'm just efficient. ;)
Note: The Surgeon General has recently placed regular reading of substitute CnJ'ers in the same food group as McDonald's.
Enough of my babbling - we know who the kiddie pool is really for - YOU. Jump in, the air water is nice and warm!